I know she ain't really been a mom. Everyone ended up leaving you in town. Life's been a mess lately with out dad. We hide depression by being upset and mad. This is the life I didn't want for you. I really wish there was a thing I can do. But we're Hall's we always pull through. Kills me knowing there isn't a solution. I wished you to have everything for you to receive nothing. My hearts breaks, I die a little. I cried a bit. Now I sit, now I wonder... what would dad do?

People say they don't have enough.  I've learned how to make the best of what I have. I am known for losing and winning followed by more losing. But I'm surrounded by good friends and I have a strong sibling bond. What more can I really ask for. I do get scared sometimes but that is the way of adult hood. I can't say that I am happy with some choices I've made in the past, but everyone has those moments. I am going to be working in a whole new level of change. I'm scared but yet intrigued. It's not far from where I live and it's dayshift. I'd say that's a win, but I hope I last longer than a few months. I'm so tired of starting over. But that's what makes my life a bit more exciting. A new job, hopefully a decent career. For that I will hopefully no longer live in fear but for the most important part....my new chapter.

I can't help it. I can't compare it. I don't want to lose it. They say the bigger you are, the harder you fall. I'm beginning to believe it's the same thing for love. Like, the bigger your heart is..... the harder I fall. I'm hard to love, but I love too hard. Harder than most. People preach love and loyalty, but they also preach one night stands and a month to month worth of content or a subscription. I can't say that I'm the one nor anyone's only. But if I may.... will someone.....the right one change that?

Voice wasn't loud enough, I'm going to have to remember you and us longer than your existence. With my feelings there has been a disturbance. So close to asking the doc for a substance. I'm not sleeping, I'm hardly eating, but hey atleast my hearts still beating. But depression feeds off my tears for your smile. I don't think I can ever smile the way you made me smile. My mama told me to be careful and  to be safe. Her honesty shocked me.... do I really give off the suicidal vibes? I've even been told my smile was just as broken as my heart is. Ever since then it's been a lot easier to isolate. Here's the real question.... do I need help? No that's not it.... who's willing to stay?