Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Jul 2022

****, babes calling. I better answer because I don't feel like bawling. Of course they're mad at me. Why aren't we ever happy? Again with the questions about my past. I'm a ******* and this storm hit me too fast. **** I just want myself back. I use to be so strong, but now my strengths gone. My thoughts keep me silent. I give a opinion and they get violent. Gets worse after ***, I see you snapping your ex. I thought I was the best. I see that smile you used to give me after you text. I'm supposed to give it a rest? Why don't I feel the love anymore? I prioritize, you gave your priorities to a whole and then victimize. I still act surprised. I still can remember the good times we spent. But excuse the bad habits that cost too much for me to spend. I ***** you and feel guilty. You **** me forcefully and I began to feel filthy. But I'm needy. Sins with the pleasure, I wished we treated each other better. What's mine is yours and yours isn't mine. We fight, I lose. We make up, I'm still being used. Sick of the abuse. But to be honest...... physical pain heals the trauma don't. My tears would form for you and your friends to mock me. Does this make you happy? Then you wonder why I scream *******! With the amount of hurt you put "us" through. **** this I plan on leaving you. Id rather be homeless. It's my life, you don't own this. It's rough because it'll still be you I miss.

Nellie 55 Jul 2022

Her pleads for attention without her attendance

You said you was not okay
I still texted anyway
Then you left without a wave
I wished I could of saved your day
Why must my hopes grow higher with you
If only you knew
I wouldn't ever stop loving you
You message me
Then ignore my responses.
I call you
No answer
You call me
I answer
I text you.....
Left on read
I'd pick you flowers but you leave them dead
But I still fight your demons that sing in your head
Shhhhhh
Now doubts about spread
Remember me before you forget

Nellie 55 Jul 2022

Random thoughts

Am I that toxic?
Began to feel neurotic.
Have not been the same, I'm the one too blame.
Years pass and I'm going insane.
Date attempts, but I get ghosted.
Rumors spread fast and I'm getting roasted.
I heard this and that, but none of you know me like that.
I'm pretty simple and chill, but I'm not cold.

Nellie 55 Jul 2022

best fr.end

I don't know why we never talk
You ghost me when I try to call
I've always been responsive for you.
Where did you go?
We're no longer on the phone.
You told me to never leave you alone
Been months without even a word
Why does this hurt?
Felt like we burried our friendship in the dirt.
There is now way you're always busy at work.
My time used to be a priority
Your words not mine.
You've said that all the time.
Especially when you told me that I was on your mind.
But now I should respectfully look the other direction. I gave it so much time. I deserve better than that.

Nellie 55 Jul 2022

<3<3<3<3

A dozen of thank yous and a trillion of I love yous headed towards your direction.
I'd give it all to you in a instant. You said I light your world..... but you put colors into mine. A beautiful smile fits perfect with you... a beautiful girl. You have no idea how much you mean toooooo me. We dance and be silly and can still be closer each second we spend. The best part... I never have to pretend. I don't ever want this to end. I can write you words to gaze upon and no amount of words can express how you make me feel. Happy to have you in my life! It was you that brought the light <3

Nellie 55 Jul 2022

Yet, she loved me

So beautiful,
Haven't met anything so desirable.
Interesting, intelligent, and pithy.
Full of sarcasm and can be funny.
She claims she's distant but is also in love with me.
Yet, she loved everything I didn't have to offer.
She can look in my direction and I can still be at awe.
I don't think anyone can be as amazing and as astute as her.
Yet, she loves me.

#maddy

Nellie 55 Jun 2022

I swear if you swear.

I swore upon myself to love.
How do I love? I can hear her voice in my head, I can feel emptiness beside our bed. But I swear I am more in love with your comfort. It all ends the same. Starting as a secret admire. We meet and our smiles filling our minds with beautiful desires. It's adventures. Just as soon as we love who we are... We change. The comfort changes, your voice lingers in my head. I still love the voices in my head as I visually think of our times we had. But I think I forgot how to love, I don't even remember how to love myself. I began to say I love you, but it no longer feels like I'm saying it to you. Hell I can't even hear myself say it. I know you lost the feeling too. Your words had sunshine and rainbows every time you said it too me. I began to feel so happy I forgot about the world every time I was with you. Now the feeling is mutual. Our love yous and goodbyes began to feel less important each time. My thoughts and emotions were so colorful with you. with us.... Now its all black and white. All I've ever wanted was for anyone to love me... but once love I began to lose love as if I wasn't enough to love. I swore to love, not because we respectfully lost love for one another.... but for me to remember what it's like to love the importance of a being. Simply not meant to be, simply ready to be a light at the end of some ones tunnel. For the next one to love me... promise to treat me as if I am your first and last.

I promise to do the same.