I know I was never enough. But you've given me love. For never baby, But we've been distant lately. You began to tell me you've been regretting being with me. We fight then get clingy. With out each other there isn't any safety. We started to ****, then you began screaming you hate me. You have new secrets but then you break me. There wasn't any lie that kept us sane. But now we bring each other pain. I've used your words for granted, I manipulated you by mistake I swear it was a accident. Now I'm angry, I started arguments for reassurance. you've told me what's mine is yours and yours is mine. Now you demand privacy all the time. Fear made me so different. Last night I don't remember the arguments.  Simply not meant to be! But we sooth each other when we're lonely. I've said **** I never meant. But we're too broke to leave because we split rent. I see your post as if I was that shadow dying by your light. Did I darken your world? Was mine already dark? But I'm not enough, we fell apart. A crossed heart but hope already died. Tears dripping from your eyes. You yell at me with these goodbyes. I bring you to our room in hopes to show you where safety was, I'm so frightened I forgot how to use my words. But you fight me physically and things got worse. Tell me I'm not worthy again! you wished for the best but then I split my wrist open. You yell at me again.  Sorry love for hurting you but I promised myself to defend.  Now when it's a decent day we play pretend. You smile, I cry. I laugh, you break down. I'm too toxic so I'll burry my feelings for you deeper in the ground. It's hurting like hell to let you leave me, it kills me to see someone making you happier so soon so fast. I apologies for everything I hope you've gained your trust back.

We fight its a rush, my commitment for you just isn't enough. I began to wonder if this was love. You totally sooth me when I begin to doubt. We fight and make up, I cry when you shout. We switch roles and you cry when I shout too. I think I'm a fool. But it's impossible to leave you. Nobody can understand what we've been through. All I have is yours, I can't even lock and secure these doors. You've been the nightmare of my dreams. A love I can't escape. False hope to the world, pure hope in mine. You use memories to manipulate me all the time. You bring comfort to my panic, I gave you everything you've demanded. My privacy is a myth, I still smile because one day I'm ending this. Your mistakes hurt me real bad. The best and the worse one can ever have. I don't wish this to come back. A love so sinister, a guilty pleasure.  You'll always win even with your lies. But you strung me along for that hope. You promised me a heart that already broke. You gave me a world....apocalypses. I can't believe your love to me is so toxic.  When you mistreat me you always victimize. Doesn't matter with tears pouring down my eyes. I'm not myself, but it's fine because I've got you to fix my mental health.

we began to snap
we began to talk
it's cute to see her shy
I would love to see her smile
A distant half and half can potentially make a whole
I wonder if she feels the same way?

A gathering to enjoy each others presence,
A gift to see everyone smiling.
I'll build a fire for us to sit by.
My loved ones will all raise a glass with me
Wine for the lady's and us men will enjoy the scotch, brandy, and or whiskey
A drink to enjoy the occasion of being together as a family

-Hopefully your cup never empties therefore I'll be your wine.-
Cheers to us
A sip of our moments, laughs, and love
Wine, Scotch, Brandy, and or Whiskey

Yesterday was really cloudy
Todays really sunny
But I'm just as bipolar
I've been cold all season and winters just about over
Been ready for a change
But this month is full of storms and rainbows from the rain
Some sunshine for us to go out and play
Next weekend it'll be warm and foggy
Hours later it'll be bright and muggy
That's to be expected from sunshine's & rain

I can't help to have a episode.
I enjoy the discomfort a bit too much.
Maybe I enjoy it all being rough.
I know I'm mentally weak,
Sometimes I can't sleep.
I sometimes don't eat.
I need help but I forgot how to speak.
I don't wish this struggle upon anyone else.
I still struggle with this mental health.
I swore upon god that I'm in hell.
My guardian Angel had fell.
Can't increase anxiety any further, this is a dark place I know far too well.
I want this pain to cure my episodes.
But I am also afraid of being hurt.
Am I a masochists'?
Am I just ******?
I've attempted to find help.
But destruction was the first responder.
Guilt hit me up after.
Depression gave me a place to stay.
Guess what anger brought me?
  PTSD