I lost my best friend, not much for saying good byes. But the more I deal with the easier it gets. But this was the one I'll never forget. Hurts the most that he left. Eyes flooding, drinks to start buzzin. Not a **** person can tell me otherwise. I gaze upon the stars in the dark sky's.
With the innocence looks he used to give me. Now seeing his eyes roll back with his body empty.
One drink to cry, the second to talk to him the sky. Now I switched to slamming bottles.
Father please forgive me because I don't want to be sober anymore. Wished I can tell the world how much of a hero you are. Especially to me, you're my main star. You're my home and now I'm homeless. I barely make it, I'm always going to fake it.
Father please reunite with me again, tell grandma my heart is broken.
Miss you both singing to me. I'm drowning in agony. Please reunite with me.

I don't anyone can understand me when I choose to drink and drive.
I know its completely wrong but I really don't feel alright.
The drunker I get, the sober I feel.
Because of that pain never getting dual, it's just sharper and that's something I don't want in this deal.
No one to call my phone, dad I wish I was coming home.
Holidays just as empty as my stomach.
But I'm a fat **** so I guess not eating at the moment is just fine.
I lie to everyone about me staying up most of the nights crying.
I can't just stop thinking about my grandmother father. That grand sons and grand daughters. Hope that makes for you to understand. Now I'm sitting here writing letters to myself. Dad without you feels like I'm being punished in hell.

Somedays I just don't want to, but I have too.
I wake up with tears flooding my face. Doesn't help that I live by myself in this place. Alcohol in my fridge to bring in that comfort.
Winter falls and it's pure ice sometimes I wish I was in a desert.
Atleast I'd be dry and not frozen in this depression. Sis thinks I need a therapy session.
What happened to me?

It's not fair, dad you ain't there. Grandma you pasted too, so I feel like I can never get over losing you. Dad you died with me in the room. All I feel is me feeling so doomed. I'm losing. Life's confusing. Daddy will you help me?
I Burried you into your grave but you're presence still feels like you're here. I'm a slam a bottle with a beer. Now I drown in agony.

I love and miss you a lot,
Buried you and my father together in a spot
I couldn't help to cry I even fought
Hurts to let you go too
You were leaving too I had no clue
I'm home safe now, with you were doing the same.
But I followed your last request and brought dad home

I never thought this would happen.....
I got a call, rushed to the hospital wishing it was you I can call
I was hoping to get you out of there.
I'm struggling twice as hard because you're not here so I'm not about to prepare.  I can't seem to feel okay again, my heart had stopped beating and singing. It aches in silence as my tears drown my face. I'm lost daydreaming about your face. A drink to put my anxiety back in place. Alone I cry, alone I deal, alone I feel. My red flannel kept me cold but hugging you for one last time drowned me with lifeless comfort. Because it was your last warmth I'd touch. Dad I miss you so ******* much!

What would it be like to rewind time? If only I can replay that on repeat I'd always visit my favorite times. Now I'm empty and trying to not cry, I distract myself to take a break but I still crumble inside. I eat to have enough energy to waste. I am about to put some pills onto my diet plate. A dose of depression was all I can taste. But I put on dad's jersey, even though it now hurts me. But I still feel comfort in that pain. Hurt like hell to carry you to your grave, I Burried you and now all I have left is your name. You died at a young age, now I'm trying to avoid making calls to your cell. Losing you and your mom in the same week hurt like hell. But you'll always be my hero, I may not be able to call. But I've got some alcohol. Potentially tempted to get a xan or a clonazeapam. Either way losing you would be the worse drug dose. You and I were so close. But I hang my dad's jersey and the clothes I wore when he passed. All I can day dream about is him randomly calling my cell back.