Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

Deeper

As I stay on the shallow edges, I dove deeper to fail again. But that's not the worse part. It gets deeper and darker. I guess that's why the water waves at me. A wave to remind me I can still drown, but I've got to hold my breath. I take a drink for a relief. But I can't accomplish anything without diving deeper. People don't realize **** because I've noticed they're a heavier sleeper. Some even have the luxury of a boat with a life jacket. I'm doing this without safety precautions and I manage make it safe to the shore. Still scared but I fight to make myself stronger because I don't want to fight fear anymore. I can't drown myself, but others have anchored me down. Doomed and suffering but I've learned to swim so for a bit I'm safe and sound. I'll surf the waves in attempt to figure if it's waving hello or goodbye. I'll take that risk and give it a try. What's the worse that can happen? Rock bottom? Even the shores aren't safe.

Eventually you won't stand a ground anymore, everything drowns.

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

Dear doubts

My only pen pal, but I know my words. Been through worse. I don't care where I sleep. Even if it's on concrete. Warmth isn't my friend but I've made my bed. Wouldn't plan to quit. Sure that razor and prescription meds had my love. But I found out it was more than enough. Sure I doubt, I pout, but after that I'm out.
You can cause me pain, but I'll be okay. I've got some self hate, but that'll be okay. If no one loves me atleast I've got me. I know darkness well. Don't need compliments from hell. Hey doubt, guess who found myself? I am surviving mental health. Dear doubt, you don't have to worry about me. Just chilling by my lonesome drinking some Bacardi.
P.S
Why continue to doubt me but not your own reflection?

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

Dear Nellie

I want you to accept defeat, I laugh at you when you're off your feet. I doubt you because you're a *******. With this life **** you need to quit. You're not going to heaven, hell you won't even be a falling angel. Not even wanted by the devil. But you seek sanity but you're far from that level. You're disgusted by that reflection every morning. You're just so boring. How about you put down the pen, grab another bottle and live a sin. I want to fight to lose it all. Don't want you to find comfort I'll see you in the fall. I've noticed Autumn is your favorite season. But I'll darken it for that reason. I doubt you every second. But now you're losing it all over again. Your friends claim you as a ***. Its funny and I agree with that. You've never had a home, now you're drunk sobbing on the phone. Don't no one want you because you're a mutt. Caged on someone's floor because you're a man ****. You're no where near enough. Sure you've got a roof and some water but no treats. What a relief. Dear Nellie, enjoy yourself because you're absolutely nothing.
Sincerely you're only friend Doubt
I'm out

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

Untitled

A cold one to drink as I day dream. Poetry to read and stream. I've got a decent streak. But I've got plenty to think. Feel like I've got the world wrapped around my fingers so I give it a clap. Earthquake with words I can live with that.

I love to feel anxious because it demands my respect. Can't live with a regret. But I learn quickly with a reality check. Always did shut solo. But my predictions ways illuminates my personality so I glow. But I'm happier with anxiety because I lived it.

Ever take a step back to enjoy the autumn views? A smile has me too. But it's something I don't lose. Always wanting a London fog to sip. Warmth down my body but I don't lose it. Never had the fog, but it fits the picture and I frame it in the back of my mind.

I love loud music in my car. I jam and play air guitar. I don't drive very far. But I drive slow to enjoy the last part. Cross my heart! Music therapy helps me. Especially with that struggle I deal with mentally. Smooth ride to cruise. I've got nothing to lose.

My favorite heroes are between DC and Mavel. But I'm my own and it's a miracle. Spider man or the flash. I still "stick" the sense pretty fast. Krypton has me wishing, but this beer is all I'm kissing. Here the news? Parker took a picture of superman while iron plans his move. I enjoy a conflict that has me confused.

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

Untitled

I've low key got a temper, why was I mad? I don't remember. ****** at the world, rotations on repeat. Am I still considered a cheat? Memories like a movie, I'm just trying to improve me. But not proving for others just myself. I'll get played my mental health. But still will be doing well. Oh, we're playing the compare game? Didn't know, sorry I'm going insane. But why a contest? We're all individually equally distressed. But now you tell me your regrets, but then you claim no regrets so I got up and left. You aren't ghosting me, I'll here about the same problems tomorrow.
I've got anger and patient issues but I keep my lips sealed. Would not recommend opening up because then you'd be a victim by the time I'm done. But all good I'm not about to say ****, I just block it out to make the temper quit. I talk to mywith loud headphones on. What's the worse that can happen, trust me I'm not wrong.

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

My all

Don't remember what I've got to do to catch myself complete. But I'll take a risk and compete.
A moment away from the world to breathe. But no one should try to **** with me. I've got me, myself, and I to watch my back. Put a shot glass down before I kick anyone's ***. Throwing hands to solve what? No one's really all that tough. Why don't you make like a tree and leaf. Success is all I reach. Even when I'm not, I step back to give it a thought. Take a shot, remember why I'm here because I'll give it all I've got.

Nellie 55 Jan 2021

Untitled

With the boys at work, just enjoying ourselves while we put in our two cents worth.
I've got a hollar back, they put me on track. With us it'll be like that. Busted a crackpot to roast each other. A proud homie a good brother.
We laugh to tears, got jokes for years.
Thank homies for patching my back, for you I'll work with some slack