Nellie 55

Nellie 55 4d

.

I've spent a lot of time learning to let things go. Had so many people in my life walk out with out any goodbyes. Sometimes I'm mad, sad, happy, or even curious. The closer I am with anyone taught me how to stay isolated, I sure hope that makes sense. If not here's the beat I can describe the intention......
I isolate myself so others don't need to have another concern hovering over their conscious.
Somedays I wanna cry, somedays I want the whole world to see and feel how happy I am.
I laugh at myself crossing paths with people that simply don't care anymore.
I laugh at the monster I used to be.
Hell I laugh at my own ******* depression.
Till tears crumple.
I'm ******* lost without the people I've lost over the years. But I'm going to enjoy the bitter sweet moments humanity still offers me. I'm going to live and allow myself to be found....

Whatever that means.

Nellie 55 Apr 23

Pick flowers

I'd pick you flowers from the field
Words from the most amazing individual I've met in my life
A independent woman to treat anyone right
Genuine beauty
Genuine soul
Unique and beautiful
R.I.P forever with hopes to cross you again
But until then I've been struggling with the world lately
Hanging on barely
A beautiful tragedy
I'm trusting less
Living to forget
Always depressed
Now I'm wishing I was in a field picking flowers for someone to love and adore me
Remind me what it's like to be happy
Fighting off the world during rotation
I'm at war with my imaginations
Loved ones checking on me
I've forgotten to live my reality
Pick me flowers and leave them by my journals
I'll be back later

Nellie 55 Apr 11

💯

Grandma i spend my nights plotting my next letter to send to you. I bet you're sleeping and dreaming. Dreaming of your hummingbird. I'm at home finding something to listen to you. I'd spent my nights drinking my life. I had wished I listened to your night. It's 4am here and bar close over there. Grandma i wish I was there. A drink of a beer on top of the world, dancing to Elvis tunes. Sometimes I wish we hadn't moved.

Nellie 55 Apr 9

Grandmas Hummingbird

The sound of stress when you're humming
A beautiful bird has been summoned
Tell me more about that hummingbird
Seems like when I'm distress a bit of you sings a hum for me too
I wish that I'd be able to fly to you
Hugs and love
To the moon and back
I miss my grandma wish she'd take me back to a time when nothings all that important
Just a adventure jamming to some Elvis and watching VHS tapes to enjoy a night
But lately my worlds crumbles I'm losing a fight
I swore upon fallen angels but this hummingbird took flight
Is that you're spirit guiding mine?
Lately I've been avoiding the world like a plague
Wish I was back home in isolation instead
I revisit movies, I relive some moments, and I jam like my world depends on it.
I began humming in hopes your hummingbird rescues me.

Nellie 55 Apr 9

Sobriety pleads

Bring me to the day I chose alcohol, where did I begin to fall off. I've blackout the right spots. Hit that so hard for a battle I've already lost. **** I've forgot. Warm me up in this headed conversations, I've lost the right to learn my lessons. Once in control, out with another bottle. Dad show me how to be whole again, my sister's are drain from me calling in. Rarely good news I've been lost at sea. Drowning under our feet. Tears forming, wrist bleeding, and some anxiety retreating. Never have I ever been so out of luck, atleast I got drunk. Killing my success, it's in the back of my trunk. Driven myself mad, I want out so dearly bad. I need to better me back.

Nellie 55 Apr 9

......idk began writing lol enjoy

You've touched me to avoid me, heart aches with the advantages of my body being used with no hesitation. Correct my intentions, this is a ****** situation.
Putting my persons pace in prison. Changing me with manipulation. Using my flaws as your charms. Open wide with fingers crossed I seek save haven. Some **** can't be forgiven. From a rise there once upon a fall. Guarantee whiskey shots and some fireball. The now me would go back to tell me. There's a beautiful girl waiting on my howdy. She's perfect in every way possible. The key to her is to fix myself. Correct that mental health. Do the success for me, little wins to gain that trophy. Sometime you have to stick to yourself even if it's a bit lonely.

Nellie 55 Apr 5

Waiting, hopefully goes well

If I can't convince you that I want you, no one else will. I've gone back and forth through hell countless times, I know you don't wanna be left alone still. Much rather you hurt me now and admit that you lost interest in me. Darling I don't need much convincing, just a man working hoping to capture love. Pieces fall from my chest, where I'd like your head to rest. The screams, the songs, the beats, and the sounds of blood pumping my veins. Ghosting me isn't new to me, it's just another dark place. Maybe I brought up too much heat I don't blame you for throwing yourself in the shade. I'll always be ready if you're serious.