Neha shimoga

Neha shimoga Jan 2017

// I shed a lot of tears today. I am not going to lie. Although, it's been a while my heart still sobs at the thought of your name. I've lost so much trying to win you. Trying to achieve you. Trying to conquer you. Most importantly, I have lost myself. The broken pieces of my heart are still trying to fix themselves back. Thinking about it now, I realize that I had completely placed my self aside and paid no attention to the scathe you were causing to my body. There was no other pain greater than your despondency. I adored you a lot. You asked me what it was that I had for you and I failed to put it in words back then which I rue a lot. What I had for you was sacrificial, ferocious, wild and untamed filled with devotion and grace. Some people experience their first love at a very young age and it feels like one heck of a gaiety doesn't it? I did too. But you kept stabbing my heart with your unfermented words and abhorrent actions and let sadness embrace me. My little pumping machine got scarred for life as I let you take advantage of my kindness. I kept quiet hoping that you would realize my worth and run back to me. Stupid wasn't I ? There was a time when I didn't want to wake up in the morning. The sunlight would burn my eyes which had turned red due to weeping all night. I would snuggle into my blanket not wanting to get off the bed. Not wanting to face the world without you. It's said that every individual leaves a mark. You certainly did. But on my heart. Even though the cuts have healed and I feel happier than I have ever been the scars still remain. All the pastoral memories seem odious as they make me realize that you are not a part of my life anymore. Memories do slowly creep in at times and it's hard to forget them too. They pop up from nowhere even while taking a class or just when I am hanging out with friends. I guess it will still take a while to overcome those. I don't want you now. But I know at the age of eighty I'd be sitting on my favourite chair waiting for death to embrace me and hoping that atleast we would end up together in a parallel universe.

Maybe you wouldn't **** up in the parallel universe. Maybe you'd treat me right. Maybe you'd realize my worth and give me the love that I had been craving. Maybe we'd be happy. Maybe my day dreams would turn into reality. Maybe I wouldn't look for you in the stars.

^ It's been a year since I wrote it. Just thought it would be nice to share it. I hold no grudges against anything :)

Neha shimoga Jan 2017

~ Let it go ~

"Time heals everything." you said. It was easy for you wasn't it ? To just spit those words out. No you weren't wrong. But it takes time. Healing is messy. A soul that was once attached has to now detach itself from the other soul. Well, time does heal. Your heart gets tired of feeling heinous, feeling worthless and sad all the time. It decides to let go as it no longer can take it. Have you ever questioned your little heart how much pain it has been through? The pain never ends if you're still holding on when you know you shouldn't be. The pain feeds off your memories. It just gets stronger day by day. //
Everything seems fine until somebody takes your name. The name that ran in my veins once. The name my day started and ended with. The name that meant so much to me. It's more or less like we never happened. It was just a semblance I imagined it to be. But when I think about you now it feels deplorable. You turned and twisted my heart. I mistook you to be artless but you knew what you were doing. You knew I was into you. Very much into you. Although you didn't feel the same you kept leading me on. Why? Just why? You broke my tiny heart before I could even hold you in my arms. I don't know what your intentions were but it was evident from the scars on my body and the knife in your hand that you were just slowly killing me. I thought you were not stable and needed more love. My brain refused but my heart was stubborn. I started thinking with my heart. My heart was so kind and naive. I gave you my everything without asking anything in return. I always wanted the best for you. That's the reason I have never been satisfied in love. How could you even say you loved me when you never did? Did it never bug you ? Didn't you realize that you were making a promise with someone else's heart? My fault. Didn't know a person who looked so much like an angel would turn out to be the devil. It was like a hurricane wrapped inside a chrysalis.

Neha shimoga Dec 2016

~ Done and dusted ~

Your pleasing melody turned
in to an awful ditty.
That is when I realized it was
time, it was time to let it go.
You had turned my butterflies
blue. The stars in my sky skewed.
I grabbed an old soiled bag
from the closet that
was untouched.
I walked out of the dingy room,
that had been my home for years.
Home? I questioned myself.
How could that be my home
when the demon woke me up
with new scars everyday?
I continued walking.
The air was filled with the smell
of a stale heart along with
which came the first memory.
To where it all started.
I took it and put in my bag.
I ran down the stairs and found
another one under the table.
Caught hold of it and stuffed
it in the bag too.
Millions of
abominable voices
in my head and bleeding
hands couldn't stop me.
I entered an old room.
I walked towards the
mirror on the wall behind
blue drapes.
No reflection, but it
showed me what I
didn't want to see.
It didn't perturb me.
I was impregnable and
determined.
I closed the curtains
and locked the mirror
in the room forever.
By the time I reached the
main door I had captured
all of the wrinkled memories
and fiendish whispers in
my bag.
The ditty had stopped playing
and the stars aligned.
I had to get rid of those.
I lit my last matchstick
and set the heavy bag
on fire.
I burnt it down which burnt
the thirst for eleutheromania.
I opened the main door and
moved on.
I was out of the doorway and
made sure that I was never
getting back to my old ways.

It is high time to realize that listening to the same lugubrious ditty is only going to destroy you atom by atom.
Memories are evergreen and in order to move on you have to get rid of them and look forward to make better ones with better people.
I am done. I am exhausted of playing this game over and over again where you make me feel like I am the one and the next moment you just ignore my entire existence. I need the love that I think I deserve.
I am not going to look back ever again. I have burned them down and I am also out of the house in which I was trapped in for years.
That house is nothing but your body. I am out

Neha shimoga Nov 2016

~ WHY ~

Reminiscing on my past.
Why didn't you text?
A simple message
would have made my
day beautiful.
What is that has been
left unfinished that
you still appear in my
dreams?
Why is it still a pleasure
to think about your
celestial face?
Why do I still meander
that you are going to run
back to me and apologize
for everything you have done?
Why am I so lonely without you?
Why do I try to find you in every
single boy I meet?
Why does your assonance still
play in my head?
Why do I look up at the sky
full of stars and think of you?
Why do I still love you
so irrevocably
and unconditionally?
Why do I still get butterflies
when someone takes your
empyrean name?
What is this unfinished business
left between both of us
that makes me smile like
I have conquered your heart?
Absence of you
has made my life troglodytic.
You are the light that can enlighten
my tenebrous soul.
We're on the last chapter and
it's not you who is going
to continue
to write this ambiguous book.
I have the pen and I shall turn
it into a day dream that I wish
everyday comes true.

Tell me what these dreams I get everyday are all about? No matter how much ever I convince myself that I have moved on my eyes still look for you in the darkness and I try to look for you in every guy I meet.
I don't understand. We have an unfinished business. Maybe it was meant to be but something went wrong.

Well I wrote all that a long time ago and I have moved on. But I am still trying to figure out what went wrong. :P :P
Hope y'all like it. :)

Neha shimoga Nov 2016

~ Solitary night ~

On a moonlit night,
after a long time
the two wanderers finally met.
They shared an extraordinary
bond that held them close.
One with a crushed heart
and the other with a secret.
He wanted to share his
Story and she had a
confession to make.
A rain drop fell
on the ground and
so did a tear that
rolled down her cheek
when she heard his
story.
He had a ******* his
mind who had left
him with deep scars.
Her heart sunk
and all the butterflies
died.
She submerged in her
own pain.
He told her how much
he adored the girl
and how she had
taken over his heart.
The petrichor
lingered in her mind.
The stars skewed.
A dream that turned
cataclysmic affected
every single atom of
her body.
He held her hand tight
and asked her if
she would help him
get through the heinous
storm.
She nodded with a constrained
smile on her face.
He didn't realize how hurt
She was.
Unfortunately, he was the only
the one who could be a bandaid
and heal her scars.
She remained quiet and swallowed
the words back in.
Her secret remained a
secret which she couldn't
shrive .
It remained enclosed
to the world.
Losing him as a friend was
something she couldn't
afford.
So she just let it die
and bother her inside.
She buried it deep inside
her heart and completely
concealed it where no one
could find it.
But neither of them were at fault.
Both of the wanderers craved
loved on that night.
Sitting so close, fingers interlinked,
they were stuck in an esthetical
mess of love and insanity.
The two paths had
finally met but a night had
never seemed so
Solitudinarian before.

Throwback to that one important night in all of our lives that's impossible to forget.

I don't regret anything. It was just a beautiful memory. Memories are evergreen right?

Neha shimoga Nov 2016

~ Unforgettable you ~

You lay there missing her,
I lay here missing you.
My mind gets flushed
by all the boggling
memories.
They linger in my
caliginous mind .
I miss being in the
ecstatic state and
also the butterflies
you gave me.
My cheeks which
used to turn crimson
red now look pale
with no blood rushing
through them.
Your atramentous
enticing eyes hold
all my dreams and wishes.
They make me believe
that magic exists and
so does delectation.
You have cast an
irreversible and
unbreakable spell
on me which makes
me wanna hold
on to you.
You are as addictive
as lithium and
as gorgeous as
a free enlightened
soul.
You are my only
antidote that can
bring me back
to life.
Your atoms have
collided with mine
and are creating a
new galaxy.
No matter what
but you are that one
star in my sky that is
impossible to forget
because the merriness
I get when I look at your
empyrean face cannot be
compared to any other
happiness in the entire
galaxy.
You will always shine
the brightest in my
obsidian sky.

This is a personal poem I wrote a long time back. This is pretty self explanatory and I never thought of posting this as it was something I didn't want to share. I didn't want people to know what weakness WAS.
Things have changed and poetry is all about penning your thoughts down. I don't want anything to hold me back.

Neha shimoga Nov 2016

~ I, me and myself ~

You are an angel.
A blazing firework
in the crepuscular
sky.
You are strong and
every inch of you
is a piece of art.
You have been gracefully
drawn by the hands
of the creator.
You are the painter
of your dreams.
Your lustrous eyes
and your serene
smile light up the
Sky.
They give the stars
the power to shine.
Your soul is made up
of glitter and star dust.
You are unique, different and
you have your own identity.
Your soul is royalty.
You are a queen of the kingdom
in the clouds and your crown isn't on
your head but is in your soul.
You can get through this.
You carry a sassy personality.
Smart, dignified and soigne
are the things that
define you.
You rock this dress and
you hair is on fleek.
Your eyebrows need not be
filled and your pimples
need not be hidden.
Just embrace what you are.
Bliss is your second name
and making people
happy around you
is your only motto.
Your imperfections
are flawless and all
your curves and edges
are perfect.
Your body ain't no toy.
and weight is just a number.
Don't be so ******* your self.
You are worth it and you can
get through this nightmare.
She said these words out
loud as she was standing
in mirror with
her heading confidence.

I tried something different. Just a self motivating poem for all the girls out there!
These are the things we generally don't say out aloud because we feel that society would judge us. They would call us selfish. But who gives a ****? Just be yourself and **** the haters. Life is too short to pretend to be something you are not. Each and every girl is beautiful . Just embrace the glorious mess that you are and love yourself ! Be confidence, happiness means loving yourself and being less concerned about the approval of others.
Do compliment yourself daily because you are worth it. Loving yourself isn't selfish. It just means that your happiness is your first priority and there is nothing wrong about it. It's absolutely right. You are perfect just the way you are. Your flaws make you nothing but pretty !
Have a nice day lovelies !