I was blanketed with animosity towards you
I thought you forgot me.
You said you would do
But you never did.
So I never saw what you felt.
I only lied under blankets of what you said you would do.
These blankets made me cold.
I thought my anger would make me warm.
But the fire was ice.
Freezing my insides
To numbness.
I couldn't feel your pain.
But then you paused for a bit
And I stripped my blankets to take a peak
Only to realize that you were hurting real deep.
No longer frozen
No longer numb
I felt your tears
And all I wanted to do was wipe it with the sun

You made me
And that idea baffles me all the time
Because you didn't make me at all.
Well it's arguable that your absence made some of me
But there's millions of people who aren't in my life too.
Has my absence made some of you?
The first time I was with you,
Half of me was swimming to my moms egg,
When we were together for the second time
I noticed I had built you up
I only knew the biology of our connection
It made me realize how disconnected we were.
We weren't that tall and still aren't.
Without you I am nothing
But without you I've been many things.
I'll meet you again sometime.
There's still time to grow.

I dressed up for a wedding that day.
We drove far to get there.
The wedding wasn't for me
But I felt like I was getting married
Because when you are free
I feel free.
They say preparing for a wedding is stressful
But you never had a crack in your smile.
I was born here
So by default I was already apart of the family
Kind of.
More like the sixth removed cousin that everyone forgot.
But I'm still a citizen
I get to eat some good toast at the table sometimes.
Yours was a bit burnt but you still ate it as if it was French toast.
You made me think I had pancakes and vanilla froyo everyday.
But when I truly feasted it was at your reception.
You said I do to America
Along with other brides and grooms.
And in that moment I felt full with love that tasted sweeter than that invisible vanilla froyo I never had.
I think we all were in love that day.
We were equally unequal with everyone in that room.
Maybe the one you married didn't actually love you in that moment
But I heard these arranged marriages are like boiling water
So perhaps it will grow over time.
I'm not sure but how could anyone not love you?
Congratulations on your citizenship mom

If I let you inside me.
Penetrate for a while and feel my walls
Carve some hieroglyphs
In my sacred sanctuary
Then you have to respect me
You have to preserve me
You can't just come in and **** around
I do have some mummies lying around so please be careful
I'm letting you in
You can excavate my cave but no exploitation
If you go deep enough and move in the right direction
You'll find some hidden treasures that I've been waiting to share
But don't exhibit my riches in a museum
I just want to be in your home

Deep in sleep. Hypnotic trance.
I was so sure you didn't know I was there.
But even in your dreams you moved with me.
Your body was always awake.
Your body was always dancing with mine.
I don't really miss you.
I miss how your body took care of me.
Because you didn't fully take care of me.
Touch
Me
Again

You felt good
You went down smooth
I was a bit drunk on you
Elevated for a short time
You started making me sick.
I knew you were bad for my organs
But who cares about the inside anyways.
I vomited all I had of you
Hoping it'd make me feel better.
It was messy but honest.
All that went in was exposed.
So I slept on it.
I slept for a while.
I woke up expecting another day.
But I wasn't drunk anymore.
My organs weren't diluted with your toxins anymore.
I was just dry. Dehydrated. You took all my replenishments away.
I didn't get over it when you were gone though.
I was hung over.
Sick.
Never wanted to see you again.
At the same time you were still there banging my head.
With time I'll feel better.

When no one was home
I was with myself.

But now that you guys are back
I'm home alone

You guys chattered amongst each other
As if I was only an element of wind

My element bothers both of you
So you guys strap yourself in windbreakers that keep me out

My body is invisible but my wind is strong
So you trudge through me but all I do is stand still

I have to remind myself that I've never felt light before
That I am physical with heavy emotions.

I have to remind myself that I am no bad guy scraping
Faces with my overbearing breezes.

I am warm. I am a garden. I am body of flowers. Blooming
I have to remember to water myself.

I have to remember to water myself