I used to know you like that
I used to know you better
I used to know the details of your smile
I used to know the workings of your brain
But we grew apart, miles apart
And now you're to far from my reach
And the distance hurts, it kills so sweetly
And I don't realize how far you are until you're gone
And I've missed you so badly lately
I miss you more than I miss myself
I miss you more than the old me who
Missed you better before you'd even left
I'm sure in some years, we'll have awkward chats
And I'm sure in some years I'll not be so bitter
And I know you think in some years we'll be friends
And have borderline domestic conversation about our kids
But I miss you now and I'll miss you after those years
I'll miss the easy camaraderie we've had from the start
I'll miss our borderline romantic relationship
I'll miss people asking if you were mine and vice versa
I miss the way you used to pull me flush against you
And I miss how I'd wind my arms round your neck
I miss how I felt your heartbeat beside mine
I miss how safe, how loved, how dependent I felt then
I miss how you'd calm me down with your presence
I miss how you'd take care of me, though I fought it tooth and nail
I miss feeling like I could try to overcome my fears to be with you
I miss how oblivious you were to how I felt, no matter what I did
I miss your irritating smile that always makes me do the same
I miss they way I used to feel when I wrote poetry about you
I miss the way you tried to hold me, though I was too scared to let you
I miss the way you looked when I mentioned other people purposefully
I miss the way we never said those three words; we weren't that far
I miss the way you broke me down and I let you, though it hurt
I miss the way I rebuilt myself to need you less and ended up needing you more
I miss the way you smiled when I couldn't do without you
And now we talk around the elephant in the room softly
And I hate averting my eyes like this, but I can't stop
I hate how we're just friends, even though it could be more
I hate how it should be more. It should be more, and you know it
I hate how I'm moving on, finding other people to fill the hole you left
I hate how I still feel empty, even though it's not been long enough to call it love
I hate how much it hurts to see you, though I mask the pain and smile
And I hate how I miss you even more than I miss myself