The exhaustion hurts
but not as bad as you
when you’re whittling away at my bones
telling me, ‘it’s almost over’
‘you’re so strong’
‘stick in there’

News flash:
it’s no longer sticking in there
when all you are is stuck
in a choice between something that
could be worth it
or throwing it all away for pride

Pride
something I never knew I had
before you
something you taught me
in the way that you lived
the way that you smiled
the way that you laughed
moved, stood, felt

Confidence flowed through you
like it was in some special air you breathed
you amazed me
inspired me, saved me

And I thought that talking to you
would be a relief
but I quickly realized
talking to you doesn't mean I get you back

My heart is stuck sticking in there
because of the uncertainty of your journey
and the only way I could be sure you still love me
is by making sure you think I don't anymore

h.s.

I notice how soft your breathing is
and imagine your heartbeat gets fast when I kiss you
how lonely the tips of your fingers are
when they aren’t touching my skin
and I imagine how nebulous your thoughts must be
when I’m whispering in your ear

It’s been two months since I’ve last seen you
and all I can think about
is if you’re thinking of me
I dream of having you back with me for the rest of time
but eight months to the rest of our lives
has your head spinning
doesn’t it, dear?

The storm taught me how to dance
while you were at sea
so that I would have something to show you
when you got back
you see, I would try to write you something beautiful
but I’m afraid I don’t know enough words

I freeze because I realize
every emotion I’ve ever felt is carried in his laughter
and all he has in me is a title
and something to come back to

and I’m strung up here wondering
if you’re wondering about me
when I know all you’re thinking about
is where you’re at
and when you’re getting home

h.s.