Oh how we fight to believe
In the things we cannot see
Yet deny our feelings
And fight the truth
Ignore the obvious
Placed right in front of us

We fight to admit
Who we truly are
Or what it is that
Makes us truly happy
Some live their entire lives
Without ever actually living

It takes more than eyes to see

Every time a breakup happens
Someone loses a best friend
Someone to talk to
To confide in
To give into
To take from

There is a wide open sea
Full of potentials

But it's terrible
When you lose someone
You've already found

You must not realize
How much you are hurting me
Unless you are trying to
In which case
I don't get it

We all have our faults
Weaknesses and shorts
I have mine
I've never denied them
I am more than aware

But
You are hurting me
Again and again

Why would you do such a thing?
I don't think I deserve it
But maybe I do
Is there something I missed?

Did I do something wrong?
Or are you taking out
Past love's agressions
On me?

You are a ****** fool
If you keep this up
This type of action
Will only make you
Continue to lose
And ultimately
End up, alone

I have done my best
To be unselfish with you
And I still am

But you are breaking my heart
Way more than I can handle
Or deserve

I am a good man
Even if I'm not enough of a man
For you

I think
That is your problem
Not mine
I think you need to ask yourself
How much of a woman
You can handle to be
At least where you are
Right now

Regardless
We can't end things like this
If we do
It will only be both of our loss
Swimming in forever regret

I carry an umbrella on a sunny day
Without a cloud in the sky
I know
You can't always see the storm coming
I'm ready for anything
I carry my boots with me
Even when I'm not hiking
No care at hand
Yet not time to pretend
That I know what is over the horizon
I'm ready for anything
Bad things and good things happen
When we least expect them too
To me
And you
I'm ready for anything
I beg to differ
That lightning doesn't strike
The same place twice
If it strikes close to me
I'm getting the **** out
I'm ready for anything
Just because a dog doesn't bark
Doesn't mean it won't bite
Keep walking canine ******
And be nice
I'm ready for anything
So you're on birth control
And you say I don't need a ******?
**** that ****
I'm gonna wear one
Maybe two
Because I don't trust you
I'm ready for anything
A penny for your thoughts
Wisdom cannot be bought
What we say and do
Through and through
Live in the now
But prepare for tomorrow too
I'm ready for anything

Every time she left my sight
I died inside a little each time
Whenever she gazed into my eyes
I was brought back to life once more

Gauging the difference
Between what is real
And what is faux
It's hard to tell anymore
Even people are fake
With feigned interest
They smile and pretend
To be your friend
A dangerous world
Living amongst all these fakes
Acting ability they do not lack
Where do you run to
When no one has your back
Look past the outer shell
To see what lies within
A heaven or hell
A friend
Or enemy
Hiding behind a mask
The ability to see what is true
Shouldn't be such a task

Out of the Darkness
Into the light
Overthrow the shadows
End of the blackest night

Once again hope
A genesis
Death of strife

The threshold of possibility
Finally recognized
Absence of the negative
Full potential of ability

Out of the darkness
Into the light
The dawn has won
A battle against blight

Where you live
Isn't always an option
A beautiful thing, really
Without, where would the children go?

An escape
They are searching for
All you have to do is offer
They are small businessmen
Looking to make a buck
They are tired of their family being dry

Just let them know that there is something
Out there besides...
What they know
They are looking for more  than the most privileged do
It's about the men they know
Lacking of what they show

Kids want what they think is perfect
Once they don't get it
They rebel
I've been an ******* since the day I knew Santa wasn't real
All I wanted was to be told the truth

You were only a child
I got lost in
My own troubles
I didn't forget about you
But I got lost

Please understand
I am
Only
A man

I've lost my foothold
The world seems incorrigible
And no one is listening to me saying,
"Just be a good person!"

Everything is an argument
But why?
I see what is happening here
And everywhere else

The time is now
To begin to work together
Instead of fighting
But, demand change

The human RACE
Has only ever really benefited
From working together
The fighting needs to stop

Stand up and be you

No one ever said beauty
Was in the eye of a waist
Shut your heart and eye up

How do you feel about yourself?
It's not easy but give someone a chance

Be you
Be brave enough to feel yourself
Please! and I trust you
That isn't what free is

Free is being a good person without being asked or expected to be

You wanted a friend
But got a lover instead
The risk we take
Of losing it all

Anything worth having
Means taking a chance
Of looking like a fool
For just a moment to dance

Friends first
But now it's something more
If we are going to take that chance
Let's make it worth fighting for

Unknown possibility and dread
Into the darkness
Before beginning and after end
There is no fine line
Between what is black and white
Only a huge grey area
Which we call life
Love could not exist without hate
Opposites teach us to appreciate
With each waking day and the paths we cross
Knowing not which
Will be gained or lost
The future is not ours
Because time cannot be owned
What is ours are our choices
Those of which that cannot be loaned
The choices we make
Determine and close our fate
If in the end there is but nothing
I hope my existence meant something
Into the darkness
We came from and will go
Into and forever
Unknown

I've stayed young of heart
And even now
I may be less serious
Than I was as a child

I'm not sure if I'm walking backwards
Or it's because I see things differently
But I would like to think
It's a good thing

As a child
I was aware I was a child
I wanted things to be better
And felt angry when the adults couldn't give it

Watching all that surrounds me
I grasp now that age doesn't define us
It only gives us our experiences
And teaches us to not let little things
Break our hearts

It also teaches us
That little things can mend our hearts

This is the place to write
That I'm incomplete
And just broken enough
To be searching

For something that fixes
Or completes me

Sometimes,
That would only be silence
To my questions

I was so young and innocent at some point
I always felt that things weren't right
Watching grown people being broken

And now it's just the same
Yet knowing more and what it really takes to break someone
I can look back and now I understand
Why there are so many things that can break us

I know in my heart
That happiness is simple
It is so close
Within reach and right there for the picking
Yet, it maintains it's elusive quality

Sometimes, just a taste
To let you know what it is you're missing
Hello, it's me.  Had you forgotten?
Skeptical while it's felt
Not even letting it happen sometimes
What a **** shame
Too scared of being hurt
To let ourselves be happy

But yet it's there
Within reach
Ripe for the picking
Right in front of us

When I told you
That I loved you
I wasn't lying to you
I was lying to myself
Living the fantasy I wanted
Truth is
It wasn't real

The morning comes
Bringing the warmth of the sun
Across my body
I feel it's heat
To my eyes
I'm reminded
To begin again
And live this life
Like there is no tomorrow

The troubles I seek to lose
Are hidden within you
I come to you for company
And yet I still feel alone
I recognize you and know you
But I don't know you
We pretend to be friends
Yet in the end
We are all here for the same reason
An escape
Attempt at something
Besides the jail we keep ourselves in
Which is without bars
In the moment
Much can happen
This is the time to be free
To break from your prison
If even for a moment
To let go
And let it be
The inside needs out sometimes
So the soul's eyes can see
Put one more on my tab
I get paid next Thursday.

Deep and dark
At the very bottom corners of my soul
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
Outside
But always within my heart
You are the part of me that I don't give away for free
Yet you sit
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
I don't keep you inside because you've done anything wrong
I keep you inside to protect you from harm
You are the little bit of innocence I have left
Without you
Once you're truly gone
I would be of a conscious death
Although you're hidden within me
I consider you
And still see colors more vividly
The passions I have
And the reason I still feel
Is all because of you
That is true
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
I also wait
That day will be great
There will be a time when it's okay for you to be free
Protected from everything
Including me
I've held onto you for so long
Because I refuse to lose you
I can't imagine an existence with you gone
In retrospect, I realize and respect
I didn't even know you were there
Until most of you had escaped
That wasn't your fault
Yet I wait
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
From the deep and dark corners of my soul
And my heart

It starts
It's happening
Intensity
We are both feeling it
It is amazing
Although
I'm no sucker
I don't even know you enough
There is no way I do
This is lust
We are acting like teenagers
And it's fun
But
The way you look at me
Makes me think of the possibilities
Of what we could have together
Also
The past still lingers
I remember how things fall apart
How beautiful can turn to ugly
How love can turn to hate
No amount of experience or understanding
Has prepared me for this
I am still vulnerable
And this is how you make me feel
I am not ready

I gave you my seed and my heart
We created someone wonderful
Innocent, void of dark
I haven't forgotten the good times we've had
I, above all, want to be a better dad
I support you for being a good mother to our son
The pain we've inflicted on each other cannot be undone
We still continue to hurt each other
As we keep playing this winnerless game
Our son will end up as the biggest loser
As long as you remain an abuser
We both still have a lot to learn too
The scars of my heart
Will forever burn
Although
I have already forgiven you
You still blame me for everything
Because you refuse to take responsibility
For anything
But a misguided plan
And I wait for the day that you understand
Something, one thing, anything
About me and the feet that have walked this land
Your abuse of my trust and lack of respect
Take away my breath
I've learned a lot from my experience with you
Now I know what not to do
To never let myself again fall in love with someone
like you
Despite our differences
I still want your life to be better
So maybe someday you can be happy
Because you obviously aren't
And that is no life to feed a heart
This you only deserve because you are a good mother to our son
Maybe if you can learn to be a good person to other people as well
You can earn your happiness like a real woman
And maybe
One day you'll forgive me too

Like buried treasure  
You've lost the map for
You can't always find it
When you're looking
Sometimes it turns up
Where you least expect it

I'm ready to start writing again.
It's here
I have something to say
Probably some ******* or nothing that matters
It may always matter
I don't know
Just wondering if I lay my head down
Will I be a better man tomorrow?
We're all a little broken
It's okay to think about yourself
But what do you need?
What do you want?
What is the point?
Are you okay with being okay?
The sky will always be blue

Here I am
I've felt more but not now
I'm just telling anyone right now
Something is broken

Or not.

I don't really feel anything anymore
It *****
I miss being able to write
My life is good though
And maybe that is the problem

I like my kitties though
I feel a fairness with them

Force it until you make it
And that is what I'm doing

=HELP

But I don't even know what that means
I'm having a problem
And I don't even know what it is
I JUST DON'T FEEL ANYMORE

It *****
I'm doing my best, I think
But it doesn't feel like enough

She was many things
But she wasn't like the others

Well,
Here I am
It's a dilemma
I don't like it.

Help?
Probably not.
Life is weird, right?
Just be a good person.
Again, again, again.
Right?

I all feel alone sometimes

But Im here.  And it will always get weirder.  Despite your lack of
appreciation.