ALWAYS SOMETIMES
You talk too much
But don't have anything to say
Always the same
Not much open-mindedness
Left for anything new
I've a natural tendency
To be an *******
Some people just bring it out
Once I'm ******
I claim no responsibility
For what comes out of my mouth
I've a natural tendency
To be nice and patient
Some people just bring it out
It's not that difficult
To find a little good
We've all got it sometimes
Sometimes too much good
Or too much bad
Overstimulates
And is too much
I find myself in the middle
Outspoken, sometimes quiet
Decisive, sometimes fickle
Surviving, but choosing to live
Real, sometimes imaginative
Adventurous, yet cautious
Brave, sometimes nervously nauseous
Feet on the ground
Eyes to the sky
Free to roam
No home to call my own
Searching and trying
To be homeward bound
Around the world
There and back
People act like they know
But mostly don't know jack
Found in the middle
Lost at the ends
Too stubborn to listen to reason
I will never understand
In this quest
To be a decent man

(This is a poem I wrote with a friend.  Her lines are capitalized.)

THREE-LEGGED CHAIR
From start to finish
Never diminish
I ALWAYS TRY
I GIVE MY PLENTIEST
This I say
Sometimes I follow thru
That's me
What about you?
I DO WHAT I CAN
IS THAT ENOUGH?
SOMETIMES I WONDER
THOUGHTS...YEAH THEY'RE TOUGH
Don't forget to breathe
It's an always
And most underappreciated need
When everything seems wrong
Take time
To take time
To see the best
The pure
The beauty
Of being good
No one can be you
But you
WHEN TRYING ISN'T ENOUGH
WHAT DO YOU DO?
NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH
SHOULDN'T THAT BE A CLUE?
I SHOULD GET ONE
YEAH I KNOW
An ever attempt
At bettering reality
A step is a step
An attempt at betterness
To sate destruction
Never let it listen
To *******
Never give up
Ever
WE HAVEN'T
WE WON'T
WE CAN'T
WE HAVE HOPE
Don't be a dope
Always and forever
More than a chance
Sometimes
A dance
With possibility
Forever
Reality
LOOKING THRU THE WINDOW
STARING AT THE TV
ANYTHING I CAN
TO ESCAPE REALITY
I LIVE AND BREATHE
I TRY MY BEST
An attempt gives you strength
Because it's more than the rest
WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF TRUTH
Actions
See what is being said
SOMETIMES IT'S THAT
THAT HURTS
EVERYONE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW
ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS
But if you keep the hurt to yourself
That's your fault
SOMETIMES TRUTH HURTS
THIS I KNOW
I'M AN ADULT
WE ALL HAVE ROOM TO GROW
No matter how much
We know
Or have learned
Stand up
To be loved
Or burned
IT TAKES HEART
TO HAVE THAT DONE
IT TAKES TIME
WE'RE ONLY ONE
PERSON
THAT IS
WE'RE NOT THE SAME
WE ALL FEEL DIFFERENT
WE ALL HATE PAIN
WE'RE ONLY HUMAN
WE ALL BLEED THE SAME
SOMETIMES LIFE *****
I WONDER
WHERE'S THE GAIN?
Humanity has survived
Up to this point
With or without a joint
Keep trying
Never lying
Breathe it
Live it
NEVER A LIAR
I KEEP MY WORD
IT'S NEVER BOUNCY
NOTHING LIKE A CHEESE CURD
Yeah, nerd
A bottle in a brown bag
Never is an
End
Until this one
How many times
Saying
Never again?
YOU WISH THIS WAS
THE ONE TO BE DONE
IT'S FUNNY
SO I'M NOT READY
TO STOP
THE CLOCK
THIS POEM
IS GOOD
SON
DON'T HATE
APPRECIATE
WE'RE SITTING HERE
PLAYING A GAME
Somebody won
Somebody lost
Hello and Goodbye
Always lost

The troubles I seek to lose
Are hidden within you
I come to you for company
And yet I still feel alone
I recognize you and know you
But I don't know you
We pretend to be friends
Yet in the end
We are all here for the same reason
An escape
Attempt at something
Besides the jail we keep ourselves in
Which is without bars
In the moment
Much can happen
This is the time to be free
To break from your prison
If even for a moment
To let go
And let it be
The inside needs out sometimes
So the soul's eyes can see
Put one more on my tab
I get paid next Thursday.

Distant memories
Of times long past
Voices forgotten
Some faces too
These moments in our lives
Don't always last
They stay fleeting
But will never die
The sounds of adults laughing
And familiar music with unknown meaning
Catching lightning bugs
Like it's the first and last summer of our young lives
The glow of the moon
Brightly gleaming
This feeling of freedom will never be replaced
A world of promise and opportunity
Up for the taking
Ignorant to the knowledge
The cage of our innocence
Is slowing breaking
Without realizing what is at stake
Or even
There is a limit
To our invincible days
At this very point
Beauty and love
Will not hide from us
It is in all shapes and forms
To breathe in and see
And touch and absorb
In this very moment in time
The world is ours
Yours and mine

Deep and dark
At the very bottom corners of my soul
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
Outside
But always within my heart
You are the part of me that I don't give away for free
Yet you sit
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
I don't keep you inside because you've done anything wrong
I keep you inside to protect you from harm
You are the little bit of innocence I have left
Without you
Once you're truly gone
I would be of a conscious death
Although you're hidden within me
I consider you
And still see colors more vividly
The passions I have
And the reason I still feel
Is all because of you
That is true
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
I also wait
That day will be great
There will be a time when it's okay for you to be free
Protected from everything
Including me
I've held onto you for so long
Because I refuse to lose you
I can't imagine an existence with you gone
In retrospect, I realize and respect
I didn't even know you were there
Until most of you had escaped
That wasn't your fault
Yet I wait
You wait
Until the day I can let you out
From the deep and dark corners of my soul
And my heart

All the negativity inside of you
I will never understand
You treat me with no respect
And I really try
I try
I ****** try
To be your friend
You get mad when we say you're crazy
But you never listen to ****
Even when it's ****** written down for you
No one sane would ever act this way
You've been through some ****?
Some real bad ****?
Well me too mother
And from the start
It started with you
Whatever we've been through
Whatever I or you
Have put each other through
I forgive you
I was but a child but now I am a man
This is what I want you to understand
No more disrespect
I don't have much patience left
For the only parent I've ever known
The lessons I've learned
Were not from you but my own
Life is not fair
And it never will be
Whoever or why ever
Made you expect it to be
Set you up for ****** failure
If you care and love us as much as you say
Please
Shut the **** up a little bit
Today
No one needs all that negativity
Not from you
Or me
Or anybody
I'm trying to help you out
Yet you make me want to scream and shout
I get it
I do understand
All the pain you be been put through
You haven't been able to fully recover
At the end of the day
You are still my and our mother
It's never too late
To reconciliate
But I will always be here as your son
And you, my mother

I carry an umbrella on a sunny day
Without a cloud in the sky
I know
You can't always see the storm coming
I'm ready for anything
I carry my boots with me
Even when I'm not hiking
No care at hand
Yet not time to pretend
That I know what is over the horizon
I'm ready for anything
Bad things and good things happen
When we least expect them too
To me
And you
I'm ready for anything
I beg to differ
That lightning doesn't strike
The same place twice
If it strikes close to me
I'm getting the **** out
I'm ready for anything
Just because a dog doesn't bark
Doesn't mean it won't bite
Keep walking canine ******
And be nice
I'm ready for anything
So you're on birth control
And you say I don't need a ******?
**** that ****
I'm gonna wear one
Maybe two
Because I don't trust you
I'm ready for anything
A penny for your thoughts
Wisdom cannot be bought
What we say and do
Through and through
Live in the now
But prepare for tomorrow too
I'm ready for anything

What I see is poured into me
It's just a drink
I'm an alcoholic before my age
But there must be something better
We all ***** and complain
About no one caring
But I care about all of you
Everyone deserves a chance
Even a second chance
You can't judge at first glance
This is America
Don't give up on the true thought
That people can be free
That's Liberty
I know how that sounds but
I'm not a liberal or conservative
But solely in the middle
I'm not fickle
I know what I know
And I'm trying to share
To make purpose of the terrible things I've done
So others know it's not just about living or just having fun
It's about being a man
But what do any of us know about being a man?
I tried to learn
Even from the few men in my life
But you know what?
Most men are misconstructed
The idea of what is right
And what is life
Have been explained by many
And up for any and many misinterpretations
The interpretation is always a day late
We fight because we are designed to
But the choice is ours not to
My only other brother besides my own brother
Is a black cat with no mother
I ask the same that I would
From any brother or son
My advice goes unheeded
And is never done
Maybe one day
Someone will listen
I've changed multiple lives
Already
But get out of your train of ****
And realize and listen a little
I just want what's best for you
Because I care
Everyone is so scared
This is not what I fought for freedom for
I want us to be free
And to be let be
To be ourselves
And for that to be okay
Every ******* day

I gave you my seed and my heart
We created someone wonderful
Innocent, void of dark
I haven't forgotten the good times we've had
I, above all, want to be a better dad
I support you for being a good mother to our son
The pain we've inflicted on each other cannot be undone
We still continue to hurt each other
As we keep playing this winnerless game
Our son will end up as the biggest loser
As long as you remain an abuser
We both still have a lot to learn too
The scars of my heart
Will forever burn
Although
I have already forgiven you
You still blame me for everything
Because you refuse to take responsibility
For anything
But a misguided plan
And I wait for the day that you understand
Something, one thing, anything
About me and the feet that have walked this land
Your abuse of my trust and lack of respect
Take away my breath
I've learned a lot from my experience with you
Now I know what not to do
To never let myself again fall in love with someone
like you
Despite our differences
I still want your life to be better
So maybe someday you can be happy
Because you obviously aren't
And that is no life to feed a heart
This you only deserve because you are a good mother to our son
Maybe if you can learn to be a good person to other people as well
You can earn your happiness like a real woman
And maybe
One day you'll forgive me too

Unknown possibility and dread
Into the darkness
Before beginning and after end
There is no fine line
Between what is black and white
Only a huge grey area
Which we call life
Love could not exist without hate
Opposites teach us to appreciate
With each waking day and the paths we cross
Knowing not which
Will be gained or lost
The future is not ours
Because time cannot be owned
What is ours are our choices
Those of which that cannot be loaned
The choices we make
Determine and close our fate
If in the end there is but nothing
I hope my existence meant something
Into the darkness
We came from and will go
Into and forever
Unknown

Bruised and confused
Not much left to lose
The fork in the road
Which path to choose
The worst times
I leave behind
To begin again
And let the sunshine shine through
An end is another's starting block
Feed me lies
It's better than reality
I ask too much
The lines we've drawn
Bring too much clarity
You murdered love
And stuck me with a curse
Of not forgetting
Wanting change
And forgiveness
Honest attempt at being my best
Man, father, brother, son, friend
Throwing regret into the gutter

Obsolete heartbeat
Began with a purpose
No longer can finish it's shift
Bad karma is lingering
This won't be swift
Keep beating and going
But with no purpose
Always surviving
But never living
It was a heart
Unwanted

The paths we cross in life
With others
Sometimes dictates the paths we take
Whether we want to go it alone
Or with someone shared down a mutual path
Not knowing where it will take us
Or how long it will last
By choice or fate
The beaten path is in the past
To never look back
Hoping
Onwards to something better
Possibly something great
These interjections of people into our lives
Sometimes it lasts
And sometimes people are gone
Before their time is due
Most of the time
It's out of our hands
When people are gone too soon
Whether it be a friend, family, or lover
Instead of asking Why?
We must learn to say Goodbye
With no regret
And no looking back
Keeping the past behind us
Onwards to the light
Out of the black

Gauging the difference
Between what is real
And what is faux
It's hard to tell anymore
Even people are fake
With feigned interest
They smile and pretend
To be your friend
A dangerous world
Living amongst all these fakes
Acting ability they do not lack
Where do you run to
When no one has your back
Look past the outer shell
To see what lies within
A heaven or hell
A friend
Or enemy
Hiding behind a mask
The ability to see what is true
Shouldn't be such a task

Whenever I think I'm away from it
I realize I'm more into it
A matter of knowing
When I'd rather not
Once you become privy to the subtleties of life
They are never subtle again
No matter how much we wish they were
We try and we try
To hide the truths
By hiding them in the open
And then deny them once we're caught
When
The whole time
We first need to be honest with ourselves
No matter where we come from
Or who or what we are
You cannot deny the truth
Of existence and yourself

I'm a survivor
A lover
And a fighter
Fight to survive
Fight to love
Love to survive
Never saying never
In the moment
Into forever
Recognizing the positive
Out of a sea of hurt
The opportunities that are handed
Not taking anything for granted
Beginning till end
Born from and back into
Mother Earth

As I lay down
To fall into slumber
In a gentle land
*******
Yellow Jacket
Stung me in my hand
Tonight not insomnia
Nor caffeine
Or even the troubles I keep
Kept me from my sleep
The little *******
Hid under my pillow
Doing his best
Waiting and plotting
To steal my peace
And much needed rest
I usually keep the peace
And let nature be free
But tonight I made an exception
And I killed that ******* bee

Father
I've missed you
I understand it wasn't your choice
The more and more I learn about you
The more it seeps in as reality
In the middle of a personal search
To figure out who is "me"
I did the math and figured out
I'm right at the age that you got the doctor's shout
Nothing lasts forever
With or without
I keep hearing that you were a good man
I believe it
Never a doubt
I wonder what exactly you would expect from me
A father to a son
A father to another
I hope I've made you proud
Yet there is much work left
It's strange really
I'm more familiar with being called dad
Than ever calling someone dad
It's never happened actually
But I get it
In our small encounter together
I will keep you close
Forever
It doesn't matter that you left when I was small
I didn't know any better
You were half of my all
I won't hold it against you
It wasn't your fault
You helped me to see the importance
Of a father's part
I wish you were here
So I could talk to my dad
So I could tell you about everything
What I've done
Where I've been
Whom I've met
The man I have become
You or I never got asked for this
It's okay though
Without even really knowing you
I know I miss you
People are happy to meet me
Knowing I am your son
That is both of our faults
Because you were such a cool guy