tears watering grass, clouds darken sky, she sputtered softly, goodbye.

I tread across the volcano, letting your words melt me.

She knelt, whispering to the stone, on her father's plot.

spirit, smoldering fire
body, unbound waves
liquefying touch
dulcifying lips

she made me fall
in love
in only ten words

I am an irrational fear
I bear claw at your beehive of a brain
I’m ice crystallizing on the window of your mind
I’ll insta-freeze your thoughts
No amount of heat will get you going again

Fight or flight
But I make you always choose the latter
I’m the elephant in the room
hanging from above your head by
Thimble thread

I’m a taxi service
Driving you up the wall
Zig-zagging up the walls tearing you to and fro
Never giving you respite from the whirl of anxiety until
Crashing you straight into the ground

A professional packager is part of what I am
I’ll pack you so tight into the box
There’s no air to fit in any crevice
The trick is it’s a mime-made box of
Your creation

I’m the black sun to your planet
Everything you do revolves around me
I don’t get off light but **** all of yours away
A tick on the underside of your spirit
Leeching away your life till all that’s left
are your broken bones

I am the ghost in the mirror
I am the shade in your stride
I’m the monster under your bed
And you cannot hide
From me

I am strong, I am fierce
I am relentless, I am calamity
I am the rock tied to your leg
Pulling you under

I am You.

The cold nipped my nose like a puppy
Wind chapped my lips like each gust contained razor blades
My eyes cried tears
Solidifying into frozen spears
My hands rubbing in prayer
For spring

The fragrance of fresh flowers wafting in my nose
Honey suckle and fresh air entering between my lips
My eyes cried tears
Being cold no longer my fears
Yet I wanted more, I wanted my skin to pulsate with the sun
Of summer

The sunburn turning me into Rudolph
Parched, insatiable lips
My eyes tried tears
Evaporated by heat,  it sears
This hot needs to stop before I drop, I need the shade
Of autumn

A crimson leaf caressing my nose
Cider residue on my lips
Eyes cried tears
The leaves a whirl of life, changing, winter nears
But I want scarves, cocoa, nights by the fire, Christmas, the snow
Of winter

Looking for new to be different
Seasons bringing new emotions, new thoughts
But old actions remain the same
Wanting new but reverting to old
Seasons to be the same

I was fine I really was
I looked in the
Mirror
I was breathing, My eyes
Reflected back
I.was.there.
Then I saw the ghost in the
Mirror
Time stood still
And I stood still
Then my fist shattered the glass
Then I fell
And the darkness embraced me like an old
Friend

And the ghost took me to my back
12 year old me standing before the shower
And he saw
Me
But he didn't believe in a future
Consuming the hate spewed at him from the darkness
In his tormentor’s words
And I saw
Him
And I saw the ribs etched on his skin
The skin filling the Grand Valley
There’s nothing grinding that
I saw the blank look in his eyes
As he grabbed the
Razor
And he prepared but saw me
Hoping he
Had a chance


And the ghost took me back again
And 14 year old me ran around the track
And he was happy
Yet when he left
I saw that same blank look
I saw the kids avoid him like a rabid dog
I heard
Whispers
"He's ******* weird"
But he heard just as
I

And I returned to my sixteen year old self
And the shoes hung on the wall in their shoelace noose
Disused he lacked interest
His love was stolen
They said he wouldn't fit in no matter how fast he
Was

And the ghost from the mirror took my hand
And I stood over my 18 year old self
Gazing at him passed out on the floor
Pills spilled over in turmoil
Foam spilling from like bubbles from an overflowed bath

And now I'm 20
And I'm driven by the shade I was
hating the future
hating the past
hating the present
I liked being told the world was fair
I hate discovering it is anything but