Today I broke a promise
to the little girl
who vowed to be different
from the rest of her family

Today I broke a promise
to the smiling siblings
saying, "Don't be us"
who were so proud

Today I broke a promise
to the future I held
which was so bright
and so promising

Today I broke a promise
to the children
I will someday have
as they gag, "Mommy, that's gross"

Today as I drew the cigarette
to my chapped young lips
inhaling the revoltingly sweet flavor;
I broke a promise.

i am everything you ever were afraid of
i am the dark
the monster beneath your bed
the creaking door in the
silence of night
i am the spiders who crawl
the birds who fly
the growling beast in the woods
i am the nightmare
that keeps you up at night
thunder is my voice
and lightning my eyes
i am the death of your lover
your family
the car smashing to bits
i am you
dying all alone
i am everything you ever were afraid of
you cannot hide from me
i am always here

Dreamt of a devilish woman
dressed in scarlet,
and dancing to her heart’s content

She twirled about,
her dress all a-twist,
coming to face me, as if terrified.

No eyes, no lips, no nose--
her hair was dark chocolate,
yet lacked the normal luster

Dainty feet pranced toward me
****** dress gently gracing about her frame,
Featureless face attempting to smile…

For a moment I was frozen;
To run, to hide, to make her mine.
She chose, rudely, without asking me.

Arms came ‘round my neck,
—Ice on death
Without a thought I ****** her away; disgusted.

Her mask split open
a thousand ugly, jagged teeth;
graveyards and dirt came to my nose

No more elegance in her steps,
She sprung at me—

his voice warms me like a blanket
i missed the simple talk
how he could tell me
about nothing in-particular
and i would feel better
his words lift me to the sky
and i don't feel wrong
or ***** or stupid
for going back to him
and his gentle voice

****. ****.
I thought I wanted this
but my heart is yelling
for me to call and lie to him
tell him I missed his calls
and didn't ignore him.
It would never ever work
it's just the way he told me
that he would stop calling
and would forget me
was such a tone it broke me
it tore my flesh and flat out destroyed me.
He said he'd delete me
like I was going away forever
and I'll never hear his voice,
which chills me,
ever again.
I don't know if this is a mistake
I can't tell if I made the right choice
to lose him, the one man
the only man
who might love me in this life.

I
begin to wonder
Where did I go wrong And
how You lost
your innocence that night
I pray to God you blame me
granting no Life

Oh how my heart sings!
The warm buzz, tickling my body
while my smile never falters.
His touch is sweet but rough,
hands calloused from work
but still so light.
I live for his laugh,
his voice, anything that is him.
Soft words of love whispered
against my lips as we rock
together as one, complete
with only each other.

Oh how my heart sings!
Happiness spurts forth every day
and I never thought
that this could be mine.
Just his presence, calming me
making me glow, warm
with love and joy.
His heart beats in simple
slow beats, matching mine,
as if he was made to find me.
All I ask is his love,
and he delivers with a gentle touch.

you frighten me, my love
how you hate
and you drink
your anger is hot,
always ready to flare
for some reason you cannot
see how much easier
a life of calm
like the gentle Sunday waves
could be
you scare me for i love you
more than anything
and this hate and anger
is clouding that love
and turning it into black
that sticks to my heart
like tar that
not even my tears
can wash away

a mess of yes's
clean stacks of no's
(pulse)
running together, the daisies
roses smell like
sweet violets in winter
(pulse)
hands come to hold
tight, squeezing, gentle
beautiful arches, fingers twine
(pulse)
the sofa is green like the sky -
(pulse)
sugar water dripping
from my lips
cold and fresh
to rivers, the ocean
(pulse)
dancing doll, swirl
twirl my girl
your dress, a-whirl
(pulse)
touch the stars
fly to the moon
(pulse)
ticking clocks taste of pine
(pulse)
tea pots -
(pulse)
oh, where am i?

sick of fear
the dreams of nothing
not of death or failure
this silence
numbing to the bone
chilling me down
seeing everything and
screaming so loudly yet
no noise
silence envelops me
fear grips a racing heart
attempts to speak
to yell
to anything
shaking in the still air
fearing it
fearing it

Stupid, stupid girl.
How could I ever think
he could look at me and
want me.
How could I ever think
I was beautiful in his eyes.
That other girl
the one he chose
so bright and pretty
so thin and perfect,
nothing like me.
I feel terrible because
I hope for the worst,
hope she breaks his heart
and he'll come back to me.
My heart aches and it shouldn't
I was nothing to him,
why can't he be the same to me?
Nothing.
Stupid girl,
thinking I could have something
that actually made sense and
make me feel pretty.

giggle fits erupt
tears fall helplessly without
meaning or any sense
hard to breathe through
the fog of confusion
clouding my mind as
the rest fills with
heavy water
makes it slow
all so funny and all so light
it drains through my ears
letting me lift like a balloon
hot inside
I'm burning
I'm laughing
giggling
can't stop flying, please
I want off this now
let me down fill me
with water douse the flames
can't stop crying
sobbing
please please please
help
I want to stop

Dear Pillow,

I'm sorry for all the tears
as of late, I've not...
I've not had the best of days
or weeks
I know you're used to it;
all the whines, cries, excuses
but I want you to know
that I apologize for
this mistreatment and damage
seeing as you're a comfort
and I hope you'll continue
in all my heart breaks,
my frightened nature,
and uncertain dreams.

                 Sincerely,

let's be happy now
no sad faces
we'll laugh and grin a cat's grin
then giggle to ourselves like children

i say, frowns are so out of fashion
no one has them anymore
smile are in, smiles are groovy
so let's be happy now

come on now, a laugh all around
now, let's be happy
i wanna smirk, snicker, snort, and
be happy all the time

just a little smile
swear you'll do it
we'll be happy now.
because that's all i could want

you chilled my coffee,
glaring at me so
while i told you the truth that's dwelled
and yes, indeed swelled within me
for i'd say months.
as i sip the bitterly cold cup
and watch you break down and beg
how pitiful, i think
for this coffee was expensive

I'm uninspired,
and this is incomplete.

I've gone under words
and into dreams

Nothing seems interesting
or I can't understand it

An inadequate poem perhaps
rather, an unqualified writer

Not only unwilling
but also incapable

This shall go unnoticed
so completely indistinct

I'm inconclusive, and this is unfinished.

She's got this body
like a dancer who sways and twists
just a simple form that is
beyond grace

She smells like a sunny day
filled with pleasured hours
I want to bury myself between her *******
and let it cover me completely

She has tangled hair
like a bird's nest, only much more
and I wish to dig my fingers in it
to set the birds free

She's never sung but I know
that I would melt at the sound
that I would cry at the power
that I would fall in love again and again

A dream fell out
and slithered on the floor
as I slept against the tipping moon

It decided to run
supposedly away from
the fear within my mind

I remember the image
t'was innocent enough
with singing and dancing

So why leave
it dreaded the hatred
I bear for everything

****** dream catcher
useless in the capture
of my lovely land

My head is filled with smoke
the fear and hatred
and I hurt until the light

She leapt off a cliff to be alone.
She did it for the rocks below
She did it to end an argument
She wanted to see her father
She wanted to scream
She leapt off a cliff to be alone.

She leapt off a cliff to be forgiven.
She did it for the ocean crashing underneath
She did it to apologize
She wanted to be held by clouds
She wanted to breathe
She leapt off a cliff to be forgiven.

She leapt off a cliff to be free.
She did it for the wind beneath her wings
She did it to hear the waves
She wanted to feel the sky
She wanted to laugh
She leapt off a cliff to be free.

He'll haunt
He'll smother me
He'll never give up
He won't let me forget

His smell
Even in my dreams
So familiar that I gag
Tears pool when I catch a whiff

Memories swirl
My hand on his
Kissing in the dark
Taking me to the stars

I left
But he follows
Like a lost puppy
Who bites my heels

He haunts
And I can't leave it
Foggy mirrors
Why still now after so long

lift up arms
weightless and numb
to float away on clouds of smoke
as the neck drips
off the body losing one
precious head while eyes rest
within an empty shell of hair
sweet smile lost in the bed folds
to laugh at the walls
when they melt to the floor
crying tears of grandeur
here hands comb hair
tangled fingers break
curls now dotted with flesh
warm shivers run past
dry eyes
smoke picking up the pieces
putting a face together
mask
arms weightless and numb

if i were to sing
a song so sweet
that your heart cried
and your hands quaked
just like a real love story
you and me in a hole
of just ourselves
singing to each other
to make one sad with joy
if you were to touch
my body so gently
that i'd shiver all over
until i couldn't move
from the love erupting
out of your fingers
if we were to climb
above ourselves and
see the world
we'd breathe for once
in our short little lives
so fiercely we'd die
holding one another
in our small hole
dug out from a shell of
disbelief and
mockery

Walking on this thin line
slowly tripping over my tears
trying to catch you as
you walk away, leaving me
alone.
I see you pause, to look back
and see me desperately chasing
you. Moving on after a moment
I try to run
I try to do more
to catch you
but I can't even get a grip
on the wisps of you
as I fall behind.

Ha-Ha. Look at you! What happened?
That hair, I loved it so much, it reminded me of champagne
Ringlets that sprang and moved with the wind in a beautiful manner

And those eyes! You could stare in them for hours.
The emerald and liveliness never ceased to enchant me
Such kind eyes they were, always happy and shining

Oh Oh! Your skin! The skin!! It was that creamy mocha color
Everywhere, no tan lines, so gorgeous!
Not a blemish in sight, so smooth, so clear

Mm...I can't take it anymore! You must tell me! How did you do it?
Did your golden locks fight some strawberries?
It's all sticky and red now, cut up
Such a shame, those curls were so pretty and now it can't swirl anymore

Also I love what you did with your eyes. Emerald turned swampy and dark
Still wide awake though? I can see some fear in there, what are you scared of?
Is it the redness that covers your silky skin?
Ohh...what is that red stuff? Mm…tastes good!

Blood! Ha-ha! Look at you...Mmmm
Covered in blood, cut up, and ugly.
My hands are as well, how did that happen?
Yes, I am covered in blood! Yours.

Let's continue, bit by bit
Some snips here, a slice there.
Until I'm finished with your transformation
When I'm done you'll be even more beautiful...


Ah! I think you're Perfect now. Heehee..

this feels as before
as I used to be
staring at the ground
following whoever is in front
never feeling strong enough to lead
as I once was
before my confidence was lifted
and now it's crushed
I'm engulfed in a hole
trying to crawl out but
always being beaten down again
can't escape this
want to be free from the feelings
that are eating my heart
making me hate and never
ever a joy within it

my heart stopped beating
as the news filed through the phone
told not to worry
i can't breathe can't think
food tastes like ash
cigarettes taste like relief
information is slow to come
and tears quickly flow
nothing is making sense
crying is simply too easy
why now and here
she wouldn't let me be there
the wait is worse
can't pray to a god
no hope is breaching
only left to wonder

Raining meteors
across the sky
straight into my mouth

I swallowed a star
and as my body burned
i listened to the stories

Stories from across the
galaxies and frozen space
tales and fables of grandeur

Such like the emptiness of
and the loneliness of
the stars in space

I swallowed a star
and as I passed on
tears fell

For i was the stars
first only and last
loved friend

What's wrong with me?
the only difference I see
between her and I,
besides how well I fit you
and how I make you laugh,
the things we share.
Of course the subtle flirting glances
that say so much to me.
What's wrong with me?
Well, I know she's just
that much prettier than me,
each time you choose
her, each time you touch her
Yet you deny the sparks
the possibilities
and the simple joy of what could
be us.
What's wrong with that?

To the Stars,
And Leonard Nimoy!
Dreamers and lost souls
A toast I hold to you!
To the Great Wishes
Meant to go far and live long
Flying swiftly through the clouds
I raise my glass high!
To the Wide-eyed Readers
And books of old
Lending knowledge of new and long-known
To the Princes and Princesses
So brave and strong, adults before their time
Jumping off castles and fighting dragons
Let us honor their great dreams!
To the Stars,
And Leonard Nimoy!
Shine to the tales of fairy,
I raise my hand in a Vulcan salute!

She stepped onto the air
weightless and beautiful
to forget all the guilt
all the wrongs

A simple thought
no more worries
never another tear
and a new life

To be embraced
by her God
and her fresh understanding
that it was done

She'd done enough
so she'd reasoned
there was nothing else
that someone other couldn't do

As she stepped onto the air
for the moment of flight
it was worth
the mangled body she left behind.

I'll cry
You'll scream
We'll screech
With hands tight
Nothing stopping us
Together we'll be

Say, how do
you’re so lonely
your heart here
in my hand
broken in bits
with no reason
Say, how you
your hair chocolate
your tears cupped
in my hand
pooled together, singled
with reasoned grief
Say, how much
cigarettes kissing lips
poison swallowed swiftly
in your hand
reasoning proved wrong
Say, how can
nothing works anymore
eyes are dead
in my hand
with good reason