He kissed me,
and it felt like
he was
trying
to eat me alive (not
in a good way)

and when he asked
condescendingly
if that was my first time

his words were
a handful of rocks flung
with a mouthful of laughter
to lessen the sting.

Maybe I would be
able to let go
if only I
knew for certain
what the tide would bring in
alongside
the scattered pieces of
my heart.

It's hard to find emotions and differences
hard to look for idiosyncrasies
hard to see past black and white and look for shades of gray
when everything is moving so fast. I wish time would STOP
wish I could sit down
in the sun and watch everyone frozen like flies in amber
as they live their beautiful, brilliant, miserable lives,
a collage of different kinds of
indescribable pain.

Someone told me once that the rain
meant that the angels are crying. I can see it
now,
listening to the sounds
of the storm and the keys and my breath,
the words
tripping from my fingers.
It feels

like the world is melting
like the rain is causing
the night to leach into reality

and drag everything down with it
six feet under
leaving nothing behind
but shades of gray.

It feels
like the world is bleeding.

I miss summer, and not because
of the laughter or the experiences
but because
over summer
I still had hope for a future where there was
a me and a you
sharing the same sentence, not
separated by a period that looks a lot like
the hole in my heart.