lately these images appear
uninvited
unwanted

but so very
real

a gun to my head
held in my own hand
finger on the trigger

afraid
yet
confident

I dont want this
but
my mind
pulls the trigger

every day

what do you do when happiness is
darkened
by your own mind

what do you do when your
own mind
tells you to die?

I dont want this
but
it won't stop

Just love me
Please
That's all
I ask

I just want
your
love
affection
attention

I just want
You

I just want
to be
near you
close to you
next to you

I just want
to feel you
touch you
kiss you

I just want
to know
that you
want
me

I just
want
you

Sometimes, those words you throw
so carelessly
Hit hard enough to leave
welts
red marks
bruises

They often nick the skin,
Reopen old wounds,
and occasionally
Sever
an artery

One of these days
I
just
might
Bleed out

All day I
Dream
of the night

When I will
lie next to you
pull you close

and fit the
perfect curves
of your
perfect body
to mine.

You and I,
we're matching
pieces

I think...

I might not
Deserve
YOU

God, that scares me

But I think

It's
True

You deserve
Someone

Who sparkles,
and shimmers,
and shines,
like
YOU
do

When I look in the mirror,
I don't even see a glimmer

And that's not
Fair

To
YOU

YOU
deserve the
World


And I
want to be the world for
YOU

But I don't know that
I
am the world you deserve

Because you deserve someone who
sparkles,
and shimmers,
and shines.

I want to
Shine
for
*YOU

At night
I long
(to touch your skin)

In my dreams
I long
(to touch your skin)

In the morning
I long
(to touch your skin)

During the day
I long
(to touch your skin)

I long
(for you)
Always

I don't
Understand

My own
Unhappiness

It's mine
But
It shouldn't be.

My life is
Wonderful
Blessed

Full of
Wonderful
Blessed
People

And yet
Sometimes

I am
Overwhelmed
by a sense of
Despair

Unfounded
Without substance
But so very
Real.

Yet I am so
Lucky
so
Blessed.

I must be a
Terrible Person
or
Cursed.

Because if not,
I just don't
Understand.