I never realized that an entire universe could be contained in blue eyes

Or that i would be so completely enchanted by them

I am a really mean person
But that does not mean i cannot be kind
I am absolutely fabulous
But mostly because I'm gay as ****. Girls doe
I am very scared
I am anxious
I am lonely
I am loved
But not by anyone here

I was innocent
At one point
I was scarless
Until quite recently
I was able to do calculus
A few years ago
I was productive and active
But I've lost motivation and energy
Motivation is kind of energy
I was nice
I was quiet
I was good
Back in fourth grade
I was smart
But now not so much
I know lots of random facts
But that's not very useful in today's society
Ugh

In dark purple it says train wreck on your lips
Don’t you dare tell me that you spoke like rivers once
I only see the sea as metallic orange
Like you only see me as the hands of a clock
Time isn’t what kept chipped seashells whole
Empty school parking lots remind me of cold winters
Some days you read the veins in your wrists as maps
Maybe that’s why you left boxes of strawberries in the fridge
When our tradition had been pomegranates
Did we not look up the synonyms for ‘danger’ one night?
I forgot to tell you I love you when you planted daisies in my bones
With purple ink you showed me the way to Mars’ moons anyway

Save me,
Save me from the agony,
agony of missing you.
Because you were cherished in my heart,
deeply rooted  into my veins like vines grasping for life,
like my blood was your soil.
And you were able to grow and live of the happiness of life.
So why mask away your fears and tears,
from someone who would have gaven there last drop of blood,
last essence of life,
to keep you happy.
Why suicide Shane,
instead of me.

First my feet,
then my legs,
my body slides deep,
moving forward,
cold strikes my face,
but I don't stop.

I feel my hair pull behind me,
my lungs begin to burn,
my arms grow tired,
fighting to go deeper,
to reach to bottom where no noise would reach my ears,
but I don't stop.

My hand glides across the slimy undergrowth,
Silent and alone I sit,
looking up,
the surface like glass,
I reach toward my home,
the surface where I live,
my lungs burn even more,
but I don't stop.