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taylor kathleen Jul 2014
make new friends
but keep the old
one is silver
and the other gold
but lately the old is less interested than the new
time is running short and i will leave here very soon
the old does not realize her motives affect me
acting as though i am not important to her, i feel like an absentee
the summer will soon end and we have barely been together
making me feel alone & sad because wasn't it "best friends forever"?
i know you do not think your actions are wrong
but step in my shoes and sense the pain i have felt all along
so i am truly grateful to begin a timeless friendship with the new
my adventurous energy is finally coming back when around you
  friendship is bittersweet for the new and old make you change
i hold a place in my heart for both and hope they do not go estrange.
sometimes i wish she would notice how much i invest into our friendship. she is all i have in this world sometimes and i just want to make the most of the time we have before we both are separated. #feelinghelpless #lonely #friendships #newandold
taylor kathleen Jul 2014
.  .  .
i was only seven when your demons arrived in my home
playing with toys & dressing like a princess in my castle i would roam
then things turned upside down
it started in the middle bedroom where you burned my crown
brother playing video games and his back turned from the action
sister with her doll on the bottom bunk having her own distraction
you had laid behind me- slowly putting your hand down my pants
i was so scared and so innocent that i could not bear to glance
stripped from my cleanliness and confused by your ways
never telling my parents of those incredibly tragic days
keeping this secret for many years i ran into trouble
middle school was darker than darkness as suicide became my hidden bubble
cutting my arms/legs or holding my breath underwater until i turned blue
wrapping rope around my neck and leaning forward hoping air would not come through
hitting my head repeatedly because i thought i caused wrong
even putting that knife up to my neck because i felt i did not belong
permanent scarring was emotionally painful, the mirror said "disgrace"
i felt trapped- suffocating and dying because closing my eyes i saw only your face
some of it a blur but i remember being told to block everything out
my memory now partially remembers- there are things i have no full knowledge about
you did all of this to me
thinking your presence would come again would be a guarantee
nightmares engraved in my skull of you touching me again
made me lose every ounce of trust & respect in this world full of men
i remember packing up my belongings and walking down the street
eight years young and thinking this would make things complete
being out of the lives of ones i had "hurt"
until i soon understood you were to blame for the actions that i tried to avert
transforming into a woman has become a continuous struggle in my youth
you left marks on my body i can never cover and memories that are difficult forgetting to tell you the truth
c. - you are the destroyer but also the constructor of my story
i have learned protective instincts and transformed from a victim to a survivor through those times which were ever so gory
indeed my puzzle is missing pieces a girl should always remember
like the happiness of playing with friends or with my family together  
still i have days where i feel disgusted by my past
wishing i could replace those moments of when i was harassed
now i begin to think this was pure destiny
i am stronger and more independent so it seems you did not break me
looking down the road i believe the future will be bright
my past will remain distressing but i can never lose this fight
.  .  .
taylor kathleen Jul 2014
i am beginning to believe my heart is lost
in an abyss full of loneliness and confusion it is simply forgot
where is my heart?
it is possible i left it in the ocean drowning beneath waves
or even under a tree i climbed as a child on those warm summer days
where is my heart?
i do not sense love even if attraction is present
i feel incapable of belonging to someone to an unbearable extent
where is my heart?
i always desire a soul i can divulge anything to
but without a heart this can never come true
where is my heart?
believe me i have tried to search for it again and again
it is somewhere in the depths below my lonesome skin
i will continue to question where lies this crucial ***** of mine
but it appears i will stand alone if there appears no sign
where is my heart?
taylor kathleen Jul 2014
.  .  .
with the earth radiating from the light
and human existence out of sight,
your “personal legend” can be found
if motivation is pursued around.

preaching the search to encounter your soul,
coelho clarifies your spirit can be transformed whole.
the wanderlust embodies the mind and the heart
you are you and the truth cannot be forgot.

leave behind the past and hold on to the present for perhaps
worrying of the future time will sooner elapse.
power is wondrous and can amaze even you,
the strength you attain controls beyond what you knew.

this book has character speaking straight to within
eyes interpreting the messages you may pass to your kin.
so find yourself on adventures to perceive what the world has to share
& your "personal legend" will reveal itself by your faith and prayers.
.  .  .
#thealchemist
taylor kathleen Jul 2014
it's an odd predicament for the days are short and long
i could be wrong
there is so much to do yet so little time
becoming an adult has always made me whine
straight out of high school you have to construe a plan
college, job, relationship, and activities are thoughts i cannot stand
i just want to be happy and free
enjoy these blistering days with a book, some tunes, and just being me
i do not want to be labeled as anything or follow a distinct trail
whatever comes my way- my own ship i will sail
so stop saying it will never work or i cannot afford the money or time
i will make it work, the future is just a trek of ******* i have to climb
let me enjoy my last summer as a teenager & waste the days away
it's an endless three months that only comes on more time before i can no longer stay.
#endlesssummer #stress #wastingtime #letithappen
taylor kathleen Jul 2014
life can deliver unexpected news
the way you handle the outcome is something to choose.

hazel grace was young when she was dealt her fate
cancer consumed her thyroid then lungs, she deteriorated at a slow rate.

she never did give up, even when hearing her mother's sobbing whispers of believing she would die
hazel regained strength enough to attend activities in the literal heart of jesus with the ball-less, guitar guy.

then one day augustus waters appeared out of the blue
blind isaac's friend without a leg and a half smile hazel viewed.

he stared at this sickly teen with compassion and curiosity in his eyes
hazel stared back wondering why anyone would fall for a person that would soon die.

augustus pulled out a cigarette and placed it in between his teeth
a metaphor that could never **** him but brought comfort beneath.

after the lesson he immediately made plans to watch a movie
he drove like a maniac but hazel thought he was pretty groovy.

the time she shared with this new soul was overwhelmingly amazing
the cancer was soon forgotten and their mutual desires were blazing.

she revealed her one kept secret- an imperial affliction
her favorite book and his the price of dawn- max mayhem's adventures became her new addiction.

he loved her natalie portman style, oxygen tank phillip and witty charm
she loved how he never let his cancer make him feel alarmed.

he was on a roller-coaster that only went up, that was his daily quote
hazel felt intrigued by this optimistic note.

she slowly relapsed when water filled her lungs
telling her dream guy to leave this grenade while their love was still young.

after a youth-cancer meeting, isaac grabbed monica's ***** and repeated two syllables to this pretentous ****
and when hazel and augustus listened to "always"- he knew he could never let his new soulmate run.

monica ditched isaac when hearing he would lose his sight
augustus let his best friend break his existentially-fraught free throw trophies and throw eggs at her car with all his pain and might.

phone calls/texts quickly showed "okay" was hazel and augustus' term
this was a word that portrayed their love could always be reaffirmed.

a swing set in hazel's backyard soon brings her to tears
augustus helps her give it to a new family to use for many years.

they fell in love with the way you fall asleep, slowly then all at once
their love grew unbreakable in those shortly shared months.

although augustus knew the world was not a wish-granting factory
he had a plan that he believed hazel would think satisfactory

hazel's dying wish was used in disney, augustus ashamed but still kept his for the perfect time
to see author peter van houten was a dream for hazel and he made it come true- they would see him in amsterdam while still in their prime.

a night in amsterdam hazel will never forget: drinking star-infused champagne and eating decadent food with a boy who wore a suit for the dead
later they shared intimacy and hazel grace left a diagram for her love- augustus was no longer a ****** with one leg and he chuckled at what she said.

the next day they went to see the genius van houten and hazel dressed like ana trying to contain her emotions
turns out he was simply a rude drunk and after calling him "******-pants" they stormed out but the ****'s stewardess came with a kind notion.

she took them both to the house of anne frank
sharing a kiss words cannot describe, they left and gave thanks.

before leaving back to the states, hazel could tell augustus holds back
he finally states the cancer lit his body like a christmas tree and hazel's heart felt attacked.

back in indiana she cares for her dying lover
she finds him trying to buy cigs and infected from his disease, he was trying so hard to cover.

augustus knows he is going to die so he asks isaac and hazel to meet him in the literal heart of jesus, each with a eulogy
he wants to attend his own funeral, hearing isaac crack jokes and hazel thanking him for their little infinity was stated so beautifully.

a few weeks later augustus dies
no energy for living, hazel cannot remove the tears from her eyes.

she did not share her heart-felt letter at his funeral because she wanted their love to remain within each other's hearts
she dictated kind words then was greeted by van houten, finding out his daughter was ana and died from cancer, drinking eased the fact that they would always be apart.

isaac relinquished to hazel that augustus wrote to her before his time ended
van houten e-mailed his writing and her heart was truly mended.

reading his ideology that he liked his choices of who hurt him and he wondered if she did too
taking in this precious letter hazel whipered, "i do augustus, i do".
#tfios #poetry #summerbook #hazelgrace #augustuswaters #truelove
taylor kathleen Jul 2014
-so large yet so fragile
-rough yet elegant
your height towers beyond compare
and your structure so rare.
in my eyes, you are the most beautiful thing on earth.
so much grace and understanding that society cannot see your worth.
-mighty yet compassionate
-aggressive yet so skittish
ears that expand so wide & listens for those who mark your flesh:
they lacerate those magnificent tusks and leave you to bleed out.
-deserving admiration and love yet viewed as dangerous
a trunk which aids your mobility to hydrate. a limb to bathe your young or playfully spray bystanders.
skin painted cultural as in places like india- designs of art.
eyes which have witnessed family murders by spirits with cold hearts.
feet that have tread miles to survive
a species in need of protection to stay alive.

elephant, you are a marvel to this world and i wish humanity would open their eyes to your charm.
you're so very vulnerable and should never be harmed.
#protecttheperfection
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