I didn't love you because you were you. I loved you because I had an idea in my head of what I thought was you. I confused my thoughts with reality which twisted things. Both my emotions and  yours. Maybe I was bitter our whole relationship because you weren't what my head wanted you to be. Or maybe it was because you actually weren't a good person.
but either way I'm the wrong one here.
I let this go on for so long hurt felt like home. I reminded myself that there were some good qualities when something went wrong and it seemed to go away instantly.
However, the longer it lasted the good qualities faded and so did I.

today I woke up feeling better than yesterday.
Tomorrow I'll probably wake up
feeling worse.
Or I won't.
Some days I feel nothing.
When I do it's endless.
All I hope for is something.
Even if it is pain,
it's an end to the endless
which would be a new beginning.

1.) Find your happy place.
Because happy places make happy faces or at least that's what my therapist says.
2. Find a therapist.
No, not like the therapist your parents tried to force, one you actually like.
3. Don't think about what they said.
Whoever "they" are, they're wrong.
4. Don't let them get to you, ever.
Even when their words seem to be the only ones you hear.
5. Let go of negativity.
Yes, that could even mean your "bff"
6. Remember, time doesn't matter
7 years of friendship means nothing when it's 7 years of bending of backwards and getting hurt.
7.find actual friends
Friends that care.
8. Don't text your ex
Any of them. Ever.
9. Open a window
10. Take a nap
11. Find happiness in the small things.
Even if they're small, they're something.
12. Find something to rely on.
A shoulder to cry on.
Someone who won't make you feel bad for feeling bad for no reason.
13. Have somone who understands.
Who will try to bring you sunshine when you can't find it.
Even if you don't want it, take it, appreciate it.
14. Tell other people they're beautiful,
Mean it.
Smile because they're smiling.
15. Thank whatever you believe in for another day, even if you don't really want it.