nactuyah

nactuyah Mar 2014

Untitled

I'm feeling strange today
like im losing too much strength
Im tired most of the day
I want to stay home and sleep
morning time comes and out comes my dinner
last night I couldn't sleep kept tossing and turning
so I go across the street to get buy something
I take it and a + comes up nice and pink like
should I tell edan
should I tell my husband
or should I keep it secret and let him find out
my life is going to plan its self
soon I'm going to have a bundle of joy
and soon the beauty will come from within
tears fall as I imagine the bundle smile at me
and I want to tell him but its hard to imagine his emotions
but he will have to wait
I have more to worry about than his immaturity
I love him and our bundle growing within me

nactuyah Mar 2014

true?

you seem to not want anything to do with us
you only seem interested in the girl you trying to impress
you told me you loved me
you said not to leave you and I promised
you say I wasn't telling the truth
it seems you were the one telling lies
you where the one pretending
is everything true now?
is everything true to you?

nactuyah Feb 2014

hearts on the line

pulling on a pigtail
chewing on a hangnail
tucking in a shirt tail
your hearts on the line

turn to a stranger
look him in the eye
you feel a little awkward
you feel a little shy
your hearts on the line

ducking in the restroom
fiddle with your hair doo
looking in the mirror
though it never looks right
******* in your tummy
checking on your ****
well you know what
your hearts on the line
well you know what
your hearts on the line

nactuyah Feb 2014

devil's language

he wraps his tongue around our bodies
making us go at it like lions and tigers
his striped evil licking at our skin
our mouths play foul words
making us hate each other

i want it to stop
its the devils tongue
i want nothing to do with it
its the devils way
i want it to leave us
its the devils say
i want it gone from us
i want us to stay

the devil's sinking his fangs in us
making us fight with rage
there's nothing to fight over
if we just avoid his gaze
some times we laugh
but no there is no laughter
your eyes are black
and my eyes are worried

will there be another fight tonight
will there be peace and quiet
will the devil wrap his tongue
will we sleep in harmony

its the devil's language
and we want no part of it
let us have peaceful thoughts
and let us be without the devils tongue

nactuyah Feb 2014

nightmare

silent i sit at my computer
you sleep beside me
i try to be quiet
as to not wake you

but your eyes shoot open
and i wait for your cry
silently i walk to your side
"shh my little one." i say to thee
"mama is here." and you look at me

your beautiful brown eyes stare into my soul
you young at 4 say "you not my mama"
my eyes fill with tears as i sink into my own emptiness
hoping for a magical explanation
but nothing comes

I longed for your love since you were 2
and now i know why it was never there
you see my mom as your mother too
and now i am only know as your sister to thee

and i want to tell you
i want you to know

but then i wake up
in sweat and heat
tear stream down my face
as to tell me it was a dream
more like a nightmare
that most likely will come true

but in my heart and soul
you are still by baby to me

for my first born

nactuyah Feb 2014

home

I lay in his arms and wonder
is this the right place to be
my head on his shoulder
and still I couldn't think
would it be right to move?
would I be ok?

sitting against his relaxed musles
i want to know what makes him
his body built
his mind quiet
but his eyes give everything away
he is here with me
and i want it as that

yet i want to know
will he always be there
when i need him?
when i cry
when im scared
when im hurt
or when im in laughter?

yet my heart yerns him in
and my mind goes quiet when im near him
and then i realize
this is were i belong
in the arms of my lover
this is were i would call home

i am home
i am safe
no more worry
no more heartache

i am home
i am with my love
and i will never leave my home

for my dear husband

nactuyah Feb 2014

a contained alpha

I hear the sound of howling in the distance
the alpha has healed from his wounds
they so deep I couldn't understand
why he was so close
his fur blacker than the night above
his growl deeper than any ocean

yet I couldn't bring myself to grab my knife
my whole body screaming "don't move"
a part of the alpha's ear was missing
probably from fighting for his herd
lighting flashed in his eyes
and I knew something was different

no one every tried to contain this alpha
as I was trying to do
his eye glare in every direction
wondering if which way I would go
but I didn't move I stood my ground
we glared at each other

my wings aching at my back
telling me to fly
but i wouldn't not yet
we didn't move not for several seconds
something changed in his eyes
his anger gone and light filled their pupils
my wings gave final warning
before I took off into the ebony sky
as I flew I could still feel his gaze
following me every which way I flew
but the gaze wasn't strong
like a hunter looking for prey
it was gentle
like a lover looking for a mate
the alpha was content
and I was the reason why