one second everything was perfect
and then the next it feels like we’re drowning

suffocating under the stomach of a whale
and frantically weaving through the teeth of a shark
and feeling the kelp entangle on your arms
and the faults burn you up
and your feet sink towards the mud at the bottom
your tears just dissolve into the ocean
almost as if you never cried
but you can still feel it in the back of your throat
all as you watch the light over you become less and less visible
and your lungs compress
and finally you lie still at the bottom mustering the strength to rise again

you’re drowning to death
but you’ll never exactly die
and that’s the most painful part

my tears flow down like lava
burning my skin
and leaving crinkling chars

directions:
at one point the liquid pain from your tears will sink into your glowing skin, wait until becomes overwhelming
next, you must let it out in red gushes from your broken heart and a flimsy pair of scissors
cut until you feel better (these may vary in depth and quantity)
repeat until you die or become numb

“why would you speak to me that way?
especially when i always said that i
haven’t got the words for you
all your diction
dripping with disdain”
- oxford comma by vampire weekend

the more i come to terms
that you aren’t coming back
the more my heart breaks

i want to watch your ruddy lips move as you speak on the most lovely way to me
so much so i just want to kiss you and be able to borrow your words off the face of your lips and lick them off your tongue

at night
my heart aches
from my devastated feelings

in my head we live in our own world

a world where everything smells of vanilla
and the grass tickles our legs

a world you look lovely and you know it
with you dancing around with a smile
in clothes you’ve only ever dreamed of
and daisies tucked in your hair

a world where the sun is forever at sunset
and we’re the only people there
and the buildings tower over us
all of them made of gorgeous stone and thin glass

a world where a smile never seems to leave your face
all because it was made for you
and you live in my mind rent free
and you never seems to slip out of it

every word you say to me
adds to my alphabet soup

i crave for your consonants
i've grown gluttonous for your vowels
and the creamy soup glides with your voice

when people ask me what i would like
i feel as if it will always be alphabet soup :)

Silently i
Understand how
Incapable i am of
Controlling things unless
I can control my own
Death
Everything is falling apart

sometimes i am what i hate about other people

the damage you did to me wasn’t something you can erase
and my traumatic memories have you painted all over them

and i went on a walk with you
and you outshown every star in the sky

i lay here wishing there was somewhere we could go together
to escape the expectations of the world

in the thin glass cup
is a ruddy pool of the past

and at one point
the more you push
the more they pull away

when i hear this song
i remember you
everything about you

the way you laughed
the way you wrapped your arms around me
the way you kissed me
the way you said "i love you"
and the way you danced to this

but you're not here
you're dead

and all i have is the remains of us
in these four minutes

please don't have this song ever end

now all i can do
is leave you voicemails you'll never hear
hoping you'll call me back one day

please walk beside me
i'm tired of chasing after you

loving you is like climbing up a tree
the more you climb
the more you have to lose
and the harder the fall is

you're not here
not to touch, not to talk
i'm lost with you gone

you linger in my heart
admiring every crevice
and loving everything you can touch there

if you don't believe in us
why are you still here
- you say you don't care