Most girls dream
Wait for their One
Anticipate his arrival
Will make them someone

Some girls' wait
Oh so brief
Mine so painful
Must be grief

He must've died
Long before we met
Made just for me
And somehow yet

His time was over
Before ours began
I'll never be his bride
Never hold his hand

No moonlit dance
No goodmorning texts
No late night talks
No angry ***

Never to meet the man
Meant to make me whole
Forever fragmented
Nothing left to console

I hope he misses me too
But doesn't hurt like this
And I hope he knows
I know I'm his

My body is too **** for me.
I think God got a little carried away
when he created the contour of my curves
because I had too many Bs for a girl who only got As.
*****, **** and Brains they would say.
I got attention in class for assets I didn't know I had.
Society tells me this isn't so bad.

"You get such hot guys"
My new college friend told me
As if she knew I didn't deserve them.
"You're so ****"
boys would flatter
looking everywhere but my face.

I am an oversized sweater studier
Stuck in a **** tight dress world.
I wish I could say my triple Ds were batteries.
I'd rather have the power.

I worry that the light
at the end of this
deceivingly long tunnel
may turn out to be
nothing but a little girl
with a lighter
whispering "sorry"

You should know
that I eat mini Oreos like cereal
and I think most things are beautiful
and I'd rather stay up way too late
than miss an adventure
because good adventures
are few and far between.
You should know
as much as I strive for perfection
I'm terrified of being perfect
so I don't take off my makeup
so when I look in the mirror in the morning
I'm reminded that a mess means
someone's been there.
You should know
that I usually wear sneakers
because nothing, especially shoes
should hold you back
if there is ever a desire to run.
You should know that there is constantly
a five ton rock on my shoulders
a monkey on my back
and a mask on my face.
You should know
that robots have feelings too
and if you ever find a perfect field
save me a spot next to you.
You should know
nothing would make me smile
more than perfect strawberries.
You should know
nature isn't meant to be perfect
but it'd be a nice sign
that someone's on my side
and knows all that you should.

Thought I'd feel less alone
When you came home
But I didn't.
Expected to feel whole again
With more than friends
But I didn't.
Thought you were all I need
to feel complete
But you're not.

I was at the supermarket
in front of aisle three
the first time you said
that you loved me.

It was through a text
because you're a ****
and it was only because
I gave you the homework.

I was getting dressed
just standing there humming
the first time you asked
me to homecoming.

It was over the phone
because you're so lazy
and it was only because
your first choice went crazy.

We were in class
hardly learning a bit
the first time that we
exchanged some spit.

It was through a drink lid
oh so nonchalantly
and it was only because
you wanted my coffee.

Only friends
is how we ended up
and I don't mind sharing
love, dates or a cup.

Somehow you still seem
to make me happy
but prom is coming up
and please don't ask me.

At least somebody loves me,
I said to the being
who braided me selflessly
from her own flesh .
Everybody loves you,
exhaled the being
whose job it is to
keep my heart beating.
Not the ones who matter,
I said with such anger
that makes her heart shatter
because I've said it again.
The ones who love you
are the ones who matter
she says with a bit too
much sense to bear.

My new shampoo smells like the summer you kissed me
I wonder if you missed me
When you left the next day for an eighteen day cruise
You didn't even have to chose
Between her and me that seemingly perfect summer night
You left us behind to fight
Over you but somehow we all just came to grips
But I still remember your lips
It's bad enough getting caught up on a kiss
That I shouldn't miss
Not that I want you like that anymore I promise
I just haven't felt that way since
But the last thing I need is shampoo
that reminds me of you.

High school
is all about losing who you are
and turning out
who you're supposed to be
anyways

Wouldn't you like to spend an afternoon with me
in a cafe-bookstore-library?
We'd snuggle in a far corner and wait for it to rain
you'd tell me I'm pretty, I'd call you insane.
We'd write little letters and leave them in books
for strangers to discover  in crannies and nooks.
We'd find a spider living in a bookcase
and think of all the stars far out in space.
We'd talk about things that mean nothing at all
and watch outside as the raindrops fall.
We'd be all cooped up but really very free
and you'd be so glad you spent the afternoon with me.

Everyone does it
Yes, I’m aware
That doesn’t mean you had to
But you don’t seem to care
I remember when you were
My role model
My protector
My partner in crime
It was always
You and me, against time
But now I know
What it is you do
You’ve lost my trust
And confidence too
So I go alone
Down this path called life
As people I knew
People like you
Turn to ash
And blurry puddles
Before my eyes
I feel so small
I can’t tell you what to do
So we drive
And mind the taboo
But I refuse to do nothing
So I simply say
“Don’t die”
Eyes on the road
You say
“I’ll try”
I think of my friends
They changed long ago
They hand me a cup
“Here, swallow”
But it’s not really you
And it’s not really them
These people I knew
Just skeletons
Piles of bones
That beg me to stay
To join them
And start to decay
That’s not me
So I leave
I won’t join your pack
I run from the bones
And don’t look back
How could your pressures
Get a hold of me
When you yourself let go
Winters, summers
So long ago
You made your choice
And it hurts me to see
But I made a promise
And I’m sticking to me
One day you’ll notice
How much you have lost
Only then will you know
The ultimate cost
Yes you will see
In the end I win
And all because
I didn’t give in

She handed me her essay
In math class today.
She told me it's sad;
I read it anyway.

For a moment I was transported
To the day her mother died.
My friend managed to keep her chin up.
But in math class, I cried.

I can't imagine losing
Someone so close so young.
I cried because she lost her mom
While I have everyone.

She told me she'd had time
To tell her mom what she had to say.
But still the tears came out
Because today is my mom's birthday .

I went home to an aging mother;
She went home to just a dad.
Sorry for the tears on my math homework
The whole thing just made me sad.

They told me
We weren’t meant to be together
That I’m too possessive and
You’d swallow me whole

They told me
That I could never be with you
That I’m too linear
That you’re four times anything I could ever be

And I know
For I’ve seen the way you reach out so wide
In hopes of capturing enough of this world inside
How your wings beckon so many near
So you can cradle them and whisper in their ear

How you’re out of my league
Because I’m just a speck in this world
You manage to hold yourself together
And I often get unfurled

Mark my word
We’re not so different
You and I

Your sleek curves have embraced
The words of Shakespeare a thousand times
All I ask is that somewhere between your lines
There is room for me

I will fit into whatever spaces you let me
Loving you means a family of five
For you, I’d leave my favorite contraction behind
You’re used to start and end relationships
But for you, I’ll take all the time

I want to wake up in the morning
And feel you wrapped around me
To gaze up and have your smile lines
Be all that I see.

I’ll be there for you when you can’t keep everything together
To wipe your tears
And rearrange your letters
I swear I could make it better
If there was you and I

Too skinny
to be a tree
too fat
for grass
grows fast
yet creaks
at every wind

The bird
burdened
by a beak
full of borrowed
bites
of a little bit
of everything.

Its a funny thing to think
that there's no one in this world
that knows everything about me,
especially no one in this home.
And then I realize that maybe
that's why I'm so **** good
at being alone.
I'm perfectly cut out
for this life of isolation you see,
because I'm tired of coming home
and finding little pieces of everyone else
clinging to me.
Being altered might be too much to pay.
I don't want to look like her
or talk like her
or think like her
and why the hell
did I just say the word "cray"?
Truth is
no one knows
everything I've ever thought,
everything I seem to be
but I'm actually not.
No one knows
that I despise the word hipster
or that I felt bad
hooking up with him
when I'd rather been
kissing his sister.
No one knows
that I stay up late writing poetry,
that if it was up to me
I'd be far away from here
with nothing
but a backpack
a bucket list
and my fear
of not having the chance
to do absolutely everything.
Nobody knows
how many times I've stepped on cracks in the sidewalk
or how often I get writers block
or how particular I am about my clothes.
Yeah it's kind of funny
how much nobody knows.

I'm the Nat Geo reader
the Facebook creeper
the go- to- sleep- later
the fake ***** hater.
I'm the question asker
the things- I'll- never- use- again stasher
the big stomach eater
and natural leader.
I'm the girl with the
small eyes and big hands.
And why would God
give a girl
with so much to see
and no one to hold
small eyes and big hands,
can you tell me?
God is laughing you see.
He's saying Child..
I knew you'd be a
seer- to- believer
a mental image taker- not- leaver
so I gave you small
thirsty eyes
and big hands too,
because you're usually a pusher
and bigger hands would
make you that much more likely
to hold things close to you.
So my squinty eyes can see
that my big hands push me
to pull things close.
And I completely forget their size
when I thank God
for a mighty fine pair
of hands and eyes.

Let me tell you about this boy
my cuddle buddy
best friend
lover toy.
My hand warmer
jacket lender
mix tape maker
park walk partner
parent pleaser
calls me his sunshine
guy.
Yeah real sly...
when he nonchalantly
sends that piece of hair
back behind my ear
he leans in enough
to rupture this forcefield
I have built around myself.
He smells like stargazing
and it's hard for me to imagine
that I've ever understood
the concept of walls and ceilings
because I suddenly doubt there'd be space
within them for me and these feelings
because somewhere up above
me and this boy's hands
were crafted to hold only each others'.
The trees know
and the rocks know
and the "no trespassing" cops know
to let us be
in our own little puddle of moonlight
in a world with so many potholes
we are just tadpoles
not sure what the future brings
but willing to keep on swimming
because we'd heard that God
had promised us wings.
Yes this boy will put an end to the dark days
reinvent my concept of time
to where my heartbeats mark the seconds
but until that moment arrives
I'll keep looking for the boy
with the hands that only
fit mine.

I knew from the first day
that this boy
the one with the bright eyes
and crooked smile
yeah I'd be thinking
about him
for a while
I'm sorry this isn't
what you want to hear
that I've been gawking
all year
from across the room
and when I speak to him
I let his words
fall upon me
like the sweetest perfume
my mind six months
ahead of our small talk
as I picture him asking
me to go for a walk
so I apologize
for the fizz
that escapes my lips
when you inform me
"Yo. I have dibs."

I feel for all the sisters
of imperfect brothers.
When the one who's
supposed to be your hero
turns out like any other.
Not that I blame you for anything.
I'm sure all you did
made sense in your head,
at the time.
Just like it made sense in mine
to me
that time in D.C.
when I hit you upside the head
with an etch-a-sketch.
And I bet it never occurred
to you then
that eventually
I wouldn't be able to count
on my fingers and toes
the number of times
you drove your baby sister
while buzzed or ******.
And I guess I feel
that I have something to prove
because I've written three poems in my life
and they're all about you.

He likes the light low
and the air up high.
I prefer the opposite;
don't ask me why.
All I know is we couldn't be more different
if you asked us to try.
And he doesn't look up
when I walk by.