I HATE:
How You left me open
How you don't say hello or hi anymore
How you act as if we were never together
How you don't think of me
How you said you won't forget about me
How you ignore me
How you try to erase me from your memories
How you don't speak much of me
I hate how I broke my heart by breaking your heart
I hate how you make me feel
I hate how I think about you
I hate how I want to forget about you so much but can't
I hate how you left me all alone
I hate how we aren't close anymore
I hate how you turned out to be
I hate how you walk past me as if you don't even know me
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
But deep down I'm crying and still I LOVE YOU.

you woke me up in
april storms and may flowers.
i can't recall the place or
the time or or even
what you wore, but i remember you.

i prayed for rain that
dry, unwelcome summer.
god never liked unwelcome
requests and rain dances and
unwavering smiles.
god laughed at me that summer.

autumn approached and
i fell hard into your
warm millpond, and i felt
your love. but god did not
grant me the serenity i felt
i deserved. and so i'd
wade around, waiting.

the day you held my frigid
fingertips, you plucked my heartstrings.
my mind, soaked in thought and
misery, could not keep up
with the way you made my heart
beat.

we didn't believe in the
superstition of umbrellas or the
well-understood chance of rain.
perhaps it was by happenstance that i
drowned under the taste of your lips
that cold july day.

and now i stand at
this taciturn train station with
my eyes to the sky, waiting for it
to pour, to pour. i never believed
in the forecast until it told me
there was a 60% chance of seeing you.

No one can truly ever know the pain one has felt.
For so many things in ones life can cause ones pain
All one ever really hopes for is to find and be truly happy
As a child happiness may seem like it comes from one thing.
As an adult happiness may seem like  it comes from something  totally different.
But in the end true happiness is what we all seek.
And we all seek it in some form of love.
For ever since i was a little girl all i dreamed if was this:
Finding this most amazing love.
Someone that would love me more then anything.
Ive been sad for as long as i can remember. Longing for this one true love. Needing it craving it longing for it. But i think today i finally realized all the pain and hurt i have caused myself in hopes of finding it. That truly in order to find the love i so badly want and crave. I must learn to love myself. Or i will never be able to trust that another could every truly love me.

I tried to drink deeply of the sky
the other day,
but lately I’ve been short of breath.
The air around me isn’t good enough.
The air between us isn’t good enough.
It’s too safe.
It isn’t pure.
It isn’t full of stars
and sunlight.
It doesn’t hold oceans
or forests
or peaking mountains.
It is air that is 2 weeks past its expiration date.
It won’t do.
I need more than the air between us,
I need the air inside your lungs.
So I will remove it with my own,
as you give me stitches made of honey
to sink into the cuts along my tongue.
I will carefully remove every last bit of it,
as it is the only thing that is keeping
me from drowning in the sea that
tosses within me.
It will keep me solid when my bones
start to evaporate.
It will fill each chamber of my heart,
pass through my lungs, and return again;
continuing to refill me.
I need more than the air between us,
I need the air inside your lungs.
No other air will do.

She is warm blankets on a cold Sunday morning.
She is the reminder of better days to come on a Monday.
She is the late-night Tuesday jam sessions.
She is the unexpected "hello" on a boring Wednesday.
She is the cold coffee you grab on your way out the door Thursday.
She is the anticipation of the weekend on Friday afternoon.
She is the confidence lacing up your shoes for a Saturday night.
She is everything you want, and nothing you can have.

I've committed an act so grievously wrong
Worst mistake of my life, I don't belong
Am feeling so morbidly ashamed
My heart and soul are forever maimed
My unrelenting conscience nagged at me
I will never again be truly free

The worst part of all is the hurt she must feel
Pain, indignation, disbelief are all real
I took her love as something due me
Took it for granted so unwisely
I have lost the best part of me
To never return, can clearly see

I'm sorry is such a pitiful phrase
Shame, guilt, self hatred and malaise
I have an ache in my soul for trespassing
I am just heart sick, it's all encompassing

I will never allow MYSELF to forgive
Not sure with theses feeling I can live
I cannot reverse the transgression
In my being I've embedded a lesson

Don't know what possessed me to break our bond
I plead for forgiveness, if she'll respond
I hope our love can withstand and is strong.
To forgive, not forget what she knew all along

The sudden change in atmosphere
when the sky viciously starts to cry
Like it's seen so many horrible things
that sometimes it just breaks down without any warning
No dribble of rain,
No fade of the sun
Just tears of a cry
That's been held in too long
'Cause the sky can't run to an empty room
When she's had too much
And she doesn't know what to do
                                      Sometimes I break down without any warning, too

I don't write like I used to and I think it's because I'm starting to hate myself

The walls around the labyrinth that is my mind aren't very tall or thick. They aren't difficult to tear down. You're just scared because you've never seen this kind of wall before and you don't know how to get around it.
Or maybe you were initially intrigued by this maze that suddenly fabricated around you, but you grew weary trying to find your way out.
Maybe you just had some time to spare and that's why you gave it to me.
You had no idea that while you were circling around them, the walls of my mind were studying you too.
Maybe your arms wanted to see if they could hold up my flaws and thats why they wrapped sturdily around me.
You analyzed the direction of this maze trying to find your way in the same way you found your way out. The direction of the walls of my mind were following the direction of the curves of your sly grin.
You were following the lines of my internal structure and that's when you figured out that you were running in circles. You were following yourself.
Maybe your heartbeat wanted me to know that it could beat on its own and thats why you pressed your chest against my ear.
That's when you broke out of the maze and left it unfinished.
The walls of my mind stopped twisting in the place that you left.
Maybe your feet wanted to seal the walls of mind and thats why they burned your footprints in them forever.