pure white feathers
dropped by a precious angel's wings
i liked to collect them
and put them with my other things
but one day when i rose
there seemed to be another king
for the feathers had turned red
and the angels were held up by strings
thus the world had fallen
the devil himself sings
for purity exists no more
blood tinted feathers satan brings.

im trapped behind a one-way mirror. the outside can't see me; i don't exist to anyone besides myself, but i can see outside. i can see reality and look at my surroundings and the blinding white all around and wonder why i can't be like everyone else. gravity has deemed me unworthy for its grasp, and i float throughout my padded cell, fingers scrambling to grasp onto the slick glass of the mirror i long to shatter. and so, i float away, unbound by reality and life.

i'm deteriorating. my cage feels as if its shrinking. i'm running out of time, but i don't know what for. i'm running away from what i owe the world, but what i owe specifically is unclear. yet, the feeling of looming dread continues, stirring cauldrons of anxiety in my chest. where i was once a blooming flower, i am rotting, i am decomposing into a mess of hollow bones and aching tears and i can't stop my heart from shrinking until it melts away.

i feel a longing for things i cannot have, for hearts with other loves and for people i cannot touch. i romanticize ideas rather than act them out; i bring nothing but delusion to the table. the moment i have i no longer want, and thus the toxic cycle continues. i wish to be broken, to be hurt and stabbed, for i am an emotional ******* and i want nothing but for someone to throw me away while i am still reaching for their hand. pound blooming bruises into my chest with your rejection, because, dear sir, it's what i like best.

i am a robot. i am only apathetic or hurting.

i wish to power off.

simpering sweet words of pain
lace my muscles
with extravagant agony
don't speak to me so harshly, love
it hurts far too much

wrap blades around my heart
make me ***** blood
onto the bathroom floor
you're everything i wished for
maybe even more

curse my eyes with neverending tears
and give me a leash of thorns
**** my spirit
**** my love
with you i have become addicted
to the toxic elements of life.

heartbreak blooms
into etched sketches
on naive wrists
and gritted teeth
hasty poems
written in the shadow
of lonely tears
paint out anger
into a broken canvas.

let me offer
my twisting words
looping phrases
natural rhyming

i appeal with my poems
my validation
determined by reactions
hearts and grinning faces
my words are a pretty show
but don't take my character
for my personality

my acting gives you entertainment
but nothing of myself
i keep pieces of my heart
locked in a box beneath the stage
the set is reality
a new 3d play
the mic amplifies my thoughts
to an empty theater

hello audience.

jealousy pulls me in
tendrils of want tug at my bones
i'm watching, suffering
you don't belong to me, i know
i have no power to stop you
but still,
when i see the looks you give her
i wish to claw myself apart
i begin to fall into
the grinning maw of loneliness.

can i call you? i miss your voice
but when you answer i have no words
futile small talk does nothing
but make me stutter in anxiety
please pick up the phone
i know im but a hindrance
your studies are better
without me floundering
for something new to talk about
speaking to you is so hard
because i value what you think
how did we once carry conversations
for hours on end
when now
you're just a stranger
who stole my heart