can i call you? i miss your voice
but when you answer i have no words
futile small talk does nothing
but make me stutter in anxiety
please pick up the phone
i know im but a hindrance
your studies are better
without me floundering
for something new to talk about
speaking to you is so hard
because i value what you think
how did we once carry conversations
for hours on end
when now
you're just a stranger
who stole my heart

they say time is precious
so don't waste yours on me
not me, never me
we're all getting tired of me
so wrap your time
and fold it into a napkin
with your name and number
so at least i can hover
over your contact at 4am
pretending you would pick up
if i ever called
i'm either too close or too distant
either obsessed or disinterested
i'm rapidly switching between extremes
but for some reason
i've never grown tired of you

for once, someone left me
before i could leave them.

you said you'd be here
forever, until the end
where are you right now?

- a haiku.

perceive my kindness as you will
with the flat innocence of your heart
you interpret the small gestures
and idealize my smiles
create a reality
but don't fall in
for it is but
an optical illusion.

even if they won't
you'll always be mine
run and run my love
your escape makes you break
glass courage shatters with your will
demolish your walls to reveal desperation
i will ruin you
until you crawl back to me.

you're just another year
but i hope
you'll be better
than the last.

take me into your
fog-shrouded mountains
to the cabin imbued with flames
and the galaxies of snow
waddle into the open
your glass steps crunching on broken ice
hold your mittened hand in mine
we strip our hearts under the moonlight.