im in the best place in the world
so why do i feel like im drowning?
why do i feel so detached and
empty?
why cant i just be happy
like a normal person
all these people around me are happy
they're going to notice that i'm a fake
an imposter in my own skin
does my smile look okay?
it hurts my face muscles to do this
but i'm a good actor
i can keep it up for a little while longer.

school ***** the life out of my brain
until there is nothing left
to write

relationships
build twisting bridges of careful trust
weaved together through time and experience
of learning each other's movements
of understanding each other's minds
these bridges are suspended over
a dark abyss of broken hearts
and broken people
but with every new day
a bridge is built across the void
spindly and shaking
yet with every day
it becomes safer to walk across
to meet in the middle
to find comfort in the other side
but it only takes one chainsaw
for the bridges to break in half
sure, they can be rebuilt
but they will be worse for the wear
beaten and made of hesitant words
and closed off emotions

we are connected by the red string of fate
tied tight between our souls
but sometimes even fate makes mistakes
scissors slice cleanly through thread
but chainsaws have the same effect

i dreamt of a chainsaw last night
cutting methodically
the whirring soothing yet terrifying
sawing through my life
severing my body in half
yet no one around me seemed to notice

"To see a chainsaw in your dream indicates that something drastic is about to happen. Success will only come about through willpower. Alternatively, it suggests that you get right to the heart of the matter quickly."

it may be time to turn off my chainsaw.

there's a thorn
stuck in my brain
i think it's from that rose you gave me
last valentine's day
and then laughed and took it away
play jokes on the pitiful one
who sleeps in the corner of the classroom
and draws all over her hands
when you stole it from my grasp and
handed it gently to another
i laughed
because that thorn was already sinking through my flesh
the pain was fine
i just wondered how long it would take to
become impossible to remove
i suppose now's the time
when i've already tried to take it
out from my head
but no
it has to stubbornly remain
in my head
it's very much like you.

do not undermine my intellect
and mistake my age for my IQ
"this is pretty good for someone of your age"
"i'm surprised someone of your age would be able to think of this"
"go play with some dolls; let the grownups handle this stuff"
do not look down on my writing
as if it is already immature
according to the number assigned to my years
i may be young
but i am not a fool
i understand that there is
still plenty room for growth in my
awkwardly placed phrases
my tilted words fit into a spot where they do not belong
my hesitant spacing
hoping that the reader will understand the meaning
behind the way that i write
however
do not view my poems as a work in progress
but rather my mind
for judging based on appearances
is undermining the importance
of my maturity

i can see
your eyes are
drifting
far away
and they'll never
look back
at me

to the new
hello
welcome to this abyss of
what the **** am i doing
welcome to this strange
mesh of late night thoughts
strung haphazardly on a thin line
barely connecting their significance
welcome to this pretentious
room of poetry where
everyone believes they are the best
they know the most
they are the romanticizers of
toxic waste
the ones who find the heartbroken
in the silence
the ones who
inflate their ego through likes and comments
welcome to this crazy
pit of society
where no one understands where they belong
and everyone is an actor
welcome new one
i see that you have much to learn
take my hand;
i'll show you the way