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mystique May 2015
I'm emotionally distraught
painting pictures with my feelings...
I'm falling into a void,
someone **** this dark circle.
can you hear my scream?
It only comes out in smiles.
someone pull me back I'm almost in too deep,
my heart hurts. . . it's crying in blood..

You said I'll be okay,
why am I in decay ?
My shadows shallow me
my past outruns me,
my future is scared.
I stand unheard,

someone come save me.
my brain is drowning in tears
my eyes are heavy like stones,
they cry in small rocks.
now my cheeks are hurting....

But someone lied,
they lied & said I'm happy
but why? why do i feel so ******...

someone just save me . . . before I fall in
fall into this dark hole
all alone...
#17YearOldMe #2014 #BadTimes #Depression
mystique May 2015
wait...
you said big girls don't cry than why is my pillow wet for the 4th night in a row?

wait..
you said being a big girl was gonna be easy, I was gonna love a whole lot and live a lot more

wait..
tell me why does it hurt so much that he left me for her ?

wait..
I know its been months and i'm suppose to get a move on with my life

but wait..
he was my life

big girls do cry, because the other day I stood by the mirror
i was a big girl,
but my eyes were swollen, cause i've been crying...

No, no it wasn't his fault,
it was mine
I couldn't be what he needed....

so he left this big girl behind..

bye lover...
i hope she makes you happy...
mystique May 2015
-
" after all this time apart,
      your memories still haunt me.
            your touch still keeps me awake at night,
                      dreams of you turn into nightmares. "
#hauntme
mystique May 2015
I can't stand the smell of alcohol,
but maybe that's what i need to drown out the smell of your cologne on my neck.

I can't stand the bitter taste of alcohol,
but maybe that's what i need to drown out your nostalgic taste in my mouth.

I can't stand alcohol,
but maybe that's what I need to be able to stand this life without you.
#comebackformytears
mystique May 2015
I've been making bad decisions lately,
I've been choosing your happiness over mine.
I've been hiding my smile just to make you laugh...
I've been living for you,
maybe it's because I have been lonely..
Unlike pnd I've been lonely all the days of the week & not just on thursday nights..

I've been yearning to be loved for once
To be caressed for once
To be someones " girlfriend "for once

You came at the right time, when my mind only knew solitude
Oh how great it was letting my mind meet a fellow human.
we enjoyed the moments, maybe you more than me.

I got what i needed, an occasional " I love you " and a "goodnight gorgeous"

I was fine till i started making cracks on the walls of this "love" we had.
I pointed out how the corners of our affection were crumbling, you said no we will be fine
I pointed out how the floors of our love were opening in half, you promised me that we'll be fine.
I pointed out how the walls of our conversations didn't look the same anymore, you said no I'll be fine.
And in that moment the ceiling of our companionship started cracking, you said no you'll fix it.

I asked " what about we?, can't we do this together" you kept quiet....

Baby, I had to sit back and watch you slowly change into someone I didnt know.
& finally when my addiction to you that turned into a habit that soon turned into a hobby stopped

I took my heart and walked away, but you know what hurts? You held the door of our relationship open for me.

You wished me a happy departure.
#longpoem #myevent

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