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Last night I had a dream
       That you killed yourself
    And when I awoke
just the thought of it
       Made the tears overflow
My heart literally felt like it was ripped to shreds
    And I laid there in my bed
     And wept
And the worst part was
    The fact that it's actually one of my greatest fears
       The fact that it could happen
The fact that I can imagine
   that phone call
Or the grim look on my parents faces as I get into the car
Or the silent summon from the door of the classroom
But you made me a promise
      And I'm holding you to that
 Mar 2014 Rachel Giudici
Morgan
Vulnerable enough to love everyone
but never naive enough to
expect anyone to love me
Because
I sat on her front porch
and rubbed her back
for three hours,
drove home in the rain
when the morning came
Never heard from her again
 Mar 2014 Rachel Giudici
Morgan
October 28, 2013
5:36 AM

I guess I'll drink more liquor to keep me warm cause you don't sleep over anymore and I know I laugh a lot but it's because I'm trying the best I can to feel like I deserve oxygen even tho you keep kicking me in the stomach and knocking the wind out of my lungs .....
 Mar 2014 Rachel Giudici
Morgan
you asked me what i was hiding
as i stood in your door way
naked
with my arms
wrapped around my ribs;

i smiled lightly and
dropped them to my sides

i know you thought

i was insecure
but i never told you
that i was just

trying
to feel my stomach
turning
or my heart racing,

warmth from my limbs

or a shortness of breath
from the tightening
of them-

any reassurance
that i hadn't
gone

completely

numb,

because that look in
your eyes
used to make

my palms
sweat
and my spine
straighten

but
lately
all i feel
is
this
eerie
exhaustion
 Mar 2014 Rachel Giudici
Morgan
love that
requires
love
in return
isn't
love
at all
 Mar 2014 Rachel Giudici
Morgan
I'd blow kisses off
the tips of my fingers
And you'd catch them
in the palms of your hands
Now you avoid puddles
on rainy afternoons
And I spend snow days
catching up on
sleep

You write math equations
in the margins where
you used to scribble music notes
And I write phone numbers
on the backs of receipts
where I used to scribble
sonnets
 Mar 2014 Rachel Giudici
Morgan
he interrupted me
in the middle of
an earth shatteringly
pointless story
to tell me i had
a cute laugh,
in a smoke-filled
garage infront of
all of our friends.
i said,
"alright dude
*******"


that night
i slept in the fetal
position with four blankets
and craved his skin so
bad i didn't even notice
that i bit my lip
until the pool of blood
collecting inside the deep ditch
of my gums, began to taste
of hot metal

today he texted me
while i was at work
and asked if he could
bring me a coffee
i looked at myself
in the bathroom mirror,
sighed and told him
we were busy
then i bought a
coffee for myself,
let the bitter sweet
warm liquid
linger on my tongue
and pretended
it was his lips

alone is a state of being
and i have never been alone,
lonely is a state of mind
and i have never been anything but
 Feb 2014 Rachel Giudici
Amanda
One day,
I'll whisper all my secrets;
all those unspoken wishes etched on the creased edges of my heart,
those lost in the depths of my skin
& and &
those little daydreams that blurs my vision

into
a
glass jar.

Oh, he thinks
I am silly.

The whole starry universe can say
I am silly.
That I am a fool.

But that's
fine,
sweet-hearts.  

I'll lock it away, write a note on the side.
Let it be slightly yellowed and creased with time.
Just a ***** of a reminder
of
what
tick-tocks
can do.

Here lies something so very powerful in your hands.
An alchemy of messy hope entangled with rhapsodic notes of my soul.


Now, what you do next is to be

reckless.
Daring.

I want you to b r e a k this glass.
Let happy sighs escapes those parted lips.

Make another laugh line; one that creases your cheek and eyes.

Fill your lungs with the sweet, sweet balmy air.

Let what you promised with half-drawn infinity signs be filled,
now what dances on infinity will never lose its way.

Speak the words you have been wishing to say.

In between the cracking of glass shards, let the sweetness of the daydream meld *wildly.
I cannot quite believe it!
I have reached a 100 & two lovely readers.
To those wonderful readers who have read my poems right from the beginning, to the lovely ones that read it on the odd Monday or to the people who are reading this for the first time.
Thank you,
there is always something inherently special to transcend emotion through words to another person.
Perhaps, it's like a little letter of emotion with their name tagged on it.
So, here is another one,
To: *insert your name here*, Glass-dream
x
Let's make Friday flipping amazing.
Go! Go! Go!
Much love,
A'manda
Your love, support and kind words makes this girl get dizzy from excitement and happiness.
x
 Feb 2014 Rachel Giudici
Lottie
Depression is thick, black ink seeping throughout a beautiful mind and tinting every thought, step or thing that slips through. The control clasps hold of every ***** and every moment of your life, crushing your bones whilst their arms becomes your only comfort.

Your body comes heavy with exhaustion and every moment becomes a dusty haze, thoughts distant from the world around. You would give every breath to live a life of happiness and the beauty of the imaginary world entices you in and becomes your escape through your broken mind. The prettiness and delicacy clouds the loneliness and search for escape, mixed up and confused thoughts, flitting from self hatred and absorption to obsession for perfection. Your thoughts, black and murky destroy you, and then  you realise, you're alone.
 Feb 2014 Rachel Giudici
Lottie
Bodies encased in the light, white sheets
Weightless, wrapped around our naked souls
Stealing whispered words and warm breaths as the the sun cast a light through the cracks on the cool linen
Our bodies touched under the intoxication on powdery scents
Palms sliding
Fingers stroked
Wrists held
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