KnudsonK

KnudsonK Jul 2013

Take me back to way back when....to hopes and dreams of lets pretend.
  To a childhood were I knew nothing else,
but that you were as much a part of me...as I was of myself.
I never even imagined a day without you and what I would do.
Because In my eyes there was no me without you.
  What ever the pleasure no matter the trouble,
We never did it alone cause we each had our double.
  Together we would co-conspire
to try and fulfil what ever our hearts might desire.
  What ever one of us was doing the other would try,
if one of us got hurt the other would cry.
  I you were laughing I knew it was funny,
who ever came for a show got two for their money.
  Together we were brave enough to try any thing
we never knew what adventure the new day would bring.
  Sure,there were times we'd fight and fuss.
But I pitty the fool who ever crossed one of us.
  People sometimes couldn't even tell us apart,
it was easy for me...I knew you by heart.
  Singing and laughing and all the fun things we did,
Then you had to go and become a big kid.
Your first day of school thats when I knew,
the days of me and you were through.
You were so excited getting ready and I was trying to understand.
It came time to go- big brother took you by the hand.
  My eyes welled with tears wondering what I would do,
I watched and waved from the window     till you were long out of view.
Then I wrapped my arms around mom's legs who was right there by my side.
We both laughed then when we noticed that the other also cried.

KnudsonK Jul 2013

She used to rock me to sleep in that chair

The rocking chair at the top of the stairs,I sat on her lap and said my prayers.
I was getting down, her arms tightened their embrace.
Then she quickly wiped her tear stained face.
I jumped down and spun around. She tried to speak but  out came no sound.
I rose up on my tippy toes to kiss her cheek,” good night.”
She looked at me in my eyes... softly said,
“Everything will be alright.”

I guess I’d known -
since my first breath...
,That I would find her-
in her death.
But how could I have ever guessed-
This would be the night...
I was to become unblessed.

“Accidental overdose,” is how the paper read...
“She was found by her youngest daughter” is what the police had said.
What the news had failed to report, we’d  been through this,
the month before.After she ran county corner.
I wonder what it felt like....
what went through his head-
He had just run against her-
now he was
pronouncing her dead.

Even the at the age  of nine...the thought as I read it, came to mind.
I wondered why they decided to hide, any mention of  those days and nights,when I remained right by her side,I prayed so hard and how I cried.
It was on the 10th day she opened her eyes. I thought my prayers had saved her life.
And I never told her how that filled me with  pride....
You See-
she was furious that she hadn’t died.

  Two weeks later -
they let her come home.
I race to our place to have her all to my own.
I wanted to tell her I'd never tell a soul,about the secret that I know.
It was safe with me... I wouldn't say a word, about that day and what I heard.

I imagined she hold me, riddled with guilt-
And rid my mind from the horror  the thought of loosing her felt.
  I cried out to her as I flung  open the door. She stood there this person I’d never seen before.

She looked at me with eyes cold stone. Her sneer of  that chilled me to the bone.
The words were just sounds in an evil tone. She whipped me until  my cries turned to moans.
When she was done  she hissed “get out of my sight.
And I did ' til she called me to her rocking chair that night.
A week and two days later... Seemed longer then.
Since then that’s who my mom has been.

It plays over and over....in my mind.

So,She killed herself one night....

And I've relived her death a million times.

KnudsonK Jul 2013

Everything happens for some good reason

All the paths I’ve crossed and lessons I’ve learned,
Storms I’ve weathered and bridges I’ve burned.
Mistakes I’ve made over and over again,
Reminding me of where  I’ve been.
I find myself right back very next season,
With absolutely no good reason.
Where  are the accomplishments
I earned on my own merit.
Respect and trust aren’t  the sort
of things that one can just inherit.
My best will never be good enough.
When lifes not fair“That’s just tough!”
So many things that I regret.
I can forgive but I can’t forget.
My mind is where I carry my pain.
Cause no one shows compassion to a human stain.
Some of us have to be a little bit  tougher.
We were put on earth so that others don't suffer.
Are you getting me so far??You know  exactly who you are!
Here's the thing-  And Your simply gonna Love it!
You can't stop the rain...But you can  truely RISE  ABOVE IT.
The sun still shines above the clouds,ya know....
You might be mad as hell, but, don't you ever let it show!
Suddenly the time will come - we are gonna shine.
Your gonna have your day and I'll get mine.
When you find that you've come to the end of that rope.....
That's Great!
Hold on tight and hang with me - we can give each other hope.
Soon we'll be the ones looking down at  all them...
Only  we will be have our arms out to help them up again!
But I will ALWAYS look up to you....
No matter what you say....
No matter what you do!!!!               B&E; <3 U!

KnudsonK Jul 2013

When your totally spent it'll cost ya everythi

Plans I’ve made  always seem to fall thru,
Dreams I’ve had that  never came true,
Wishing on the nights first star....
Watching  my whole life fall apart.

Losing everything I ever knew,
Nobody there to see me thru,
Forgetting what I was fighting for...
It’s just not worth it anymore.

Better I should just let go..
Of a happiness I’ll never know.
Better off all I love will be....
With out  the burden of loving me.

Destiny’s loop has run its course,
Ther’s a reason we can feel remorse.
Somethings just cant be forgiven.
Sometimes you gotta say
“Too Hell With Living”

Listen closely to me my friend,
This is the means to an end,
We all go through bad times and such,
But  one person  shouldn’t have to suffer  this much.

Sometimesit hurt so bad
I can barely catch my breath,
When   pain and  suffering
Is increasing with every breath....
Put MISERY to Death!!!!!!

— The End —