I stare into the abyss
And wonder
How I could let someone
So worthy of love
Feel so unworthy of it
And slowly
As the seconds pass
They feel like hours
Maybe I
Have become the abyss
I’m staring into

A love has to die
For another to be born
One heart has to break
To heal another one
There’s no such thing
As pure
There’s beauty in the odium
There’s odium in the beauty
Where resilience ain’t a cure
But a fundamental duty
- a flower has to wither to make space for others to bloom

This illusion of
A wheel in my hands
While sitting unbelted
In the passenger seat
With someone next to me
I fathered my entire happiness
Dread
Anger
On
Is something
I can’t take anymore
So I’m gonna push him out
Of this ******* car
And turn my illusion to reality
**** being dependent
I’m gaining my power back
I’m gaining back what I love the most
Much more than I’ll ever
Love me
Or you
Or anyone else
                            - c   o   n   t   r   o   l

Dear
You’re so afraid
Of stepping onto other people’s flowers
That you stopped
Planting your own garden
                      - get yourself some seeds

I was convinced
To exorcise these demons
Inside of you
Hector them until their blood is frozen
From the very thought of your face
Until I looked into your eyes
And realized
You are the demon
The personification of evil
         And I
              The one possessed

The weight
Of your mind
Tears me down
Like blocks
Tied to my feet
In the water
It slowly fills my lungs
And my surroundings get darker
Bubbles quickly
Approaching the surface
I fade
And I wonder
If love should feel
Like drowning

At times we decide
To take turn into a direction
We know we won’t come back from
I wonder what it is
That turns the wheel
The curiosity
The thrill of a new road
We never drove on before
Perhaps even a little bit of
Self-destructiveness
Maybe sometimes we need to lie
In a bed of thorns
And broken bottles
It restarts out minds
It launders our heartstrings
It’s the dung we need to know
From the very inside
So even if this motel
Might be far apart
I turned my wheel
Knowing of the wounds and stitches
I will carry on my back
After returning home
And smiling
While imagining
Pulling out the shards
- bursts of growth can be painful

I’ve come to the conclusion
That every boy who was cursed
With falling for me
Was assigned not only with the task
To love me
But also to take care of me
To save me
From the darkness of the night
But especially the darkness
Inside myself
To offer me all these things
I should have learnt to offer myself
In my youngest years
And I’ve come to the conclusion
That this is not a burden
Lovers should have to bear
But fathers

The only thing I have left from you
Are those memories
And I will build
An entire mausoleum from words
Where I honorably put them to rest
      While keeping them dearly
               To my heart
                          - my way of moving on

You were the biggest plot twist
I never wanted to write
The perfect mistake
At the wrong **** time
But despite the shortness
This chapter is yours
Defined by the story
Not just how it changed course
                                      -  I’ll turn over a new leaf

One day you might look back and realize that
I was not as bad as you made me out to be
One day you might regret some of the sad
Words you said about me
One day you might come down and see the
Ashes of what you tore apart
One day you might think back and wonder
What could have been if you kept me in your heart
Yesterday I looked down and saw the ashes
Of what you tore apart
And I thought what a glorious thing
You’re no longer in my heart
But I remember the times we laughed
While my flames burnt in a deeper blue
Forever in love with your memory
But never again
With you

You saw me
Bright and clear
In your headlights
A frightened deer
- then you hit the gas even harder

My dear
  You may be wounded
    But a risk
      Taken for love
        Or the sole possibility of it
          Was never taken in vain

I get the notion
I’m over you
Then I envision your face-
And still shove my fist into it