it's been too long
since I've sat here like this writing
and feeling
untangling the knots of my emotions

they get so complex sometimes
I feel lost
and defeated
drowning beneath all the *******

it's been too long
since I've sat here like this
no other stimuli besides music and ideas
exploring my inner world

it can get so complex sometimes
I feel overwhelmed
don't even know myself
drowning beneath the misinformation

I am not
this sadness
I am not
this happiness
I am not even
this neutrality

I am nothing.

I am something far better
call it
Adaptability

I'm so tired and done with pretending I'm fine
so just for tonight
I'm taking off my mask
and I'm gonna be weak
I'm worn out
I'm beat
my fighting spirit has left
I can't even speak
All I can do is poison myself
stare at the moon
and wish for some peace

I need a forest to wander
I need to get lost in some trees
I need you to forget me so I won't feel so guilty
if I choose eternal sleep

This is for the lonely people
who carry so much pain
but still wear a smile on their face
clinging to hope desperately
believing that one day everything will change

This is for those who have given their soul to someone
only to have it thrown back in their face
yet they still have the courage to believe in love

This is for the broken ones
who carefully pick up each shard of themselves
eyes filled with tears
and hands dripping blood from where each piece cut them
in the process

This is for the ones who conjured the strength
to put the puzzle of themselves back together
filling in the cracks and missing spots with melted gold
becoming more beautiful than an intact person could ever be

Blessed are we who understand pain so well
because it teaches us to cherish our joy more than most

How do you let go
of the one you love the most?
That's irrational

You hurt me so much
but my feelings never change
That's irrational

A poison to me
yet the only cure I find
******* paradox

A single earring
A pair of shoes
A heart full of poems
All about you
Confused party girl
what should I do?
A dream we dreamt
torn in two
you said it wasn't me
it was you

A modest wedding
A simple living
A gallery of art
All about the love you've given me
Plagued with other emotions now
Hate
Pain
Forgiveness
How to change
the wickedness of my ways

So what went wrong?
Why did you run away
even when I fought so hard
just to get you to stay
You threw it down the drain
just so you could go off
play some games
Could you understand my pain?
Why did we talk about a future
if you didn't want it anyways?
Are you really that cold a person
when your skin was so warm?
Was all that crying in my arms simply a farce?
Do I really want to know the answers to these questions?
All I know right now is that it feels like I've lost my heaven

Eat
Chase money
****
Eat
Go home
Eat
Breed
****
Sleep
Dream (if you're lucky)
REPEAT

Is this humanity?
It make me want to scream
the endless routine
just ain't for me
there's only one answer that I seek
Death
must be
the only freedom

I wonder what would happen if I told you that I miss you
that I love you
life seems only hard all because you
are so ****** and apparently just confused
would that be fair for me to say
and accept as simply the truth?
Maybe it's just because I'm a fool
but I think I played a part in the downfall too
so I'll gladly take some blame
and I know it might not mean much to say it
but I'm sorry I couldn't be better babe
I'm sorry neither of us could be saved
and that it had to end this way