my mother always told me to never lick the peanut butter off the knife when i was done even though you'll get the extra treat, you can get cut and i've always thought this was stupid for her to tell me because i knew if i licked the knife that i'd probably get cut but i never knew if how right my mother was and i couldn't see that you were the knife how the chance of getting so close to you sounded delicious and i still had that chance of getting cut but i would've taken anything for you at the time and now all i want to do is tell my mother how right she was
and i still miss you after all this all the poetry all the lies all the hurt all the nights thinking about you thinking about your eyes and your laugh god, that laugh.
thinking of how much i got to know you how hard i fell for you and how hard i hit the ground when you left.
all the nights laying awake and thinking "what happened" "how did this happen" "what did i do" and i ask myself these questions but it's useless because after all this time i don't know what "this" ever was
you used to park outside my house and just wait there because you knew i'd come out to get you and bring you inside with me
i used to always keep my curtains open so i could see when you'd come and park but never tell me when so i was always unaware of when you'd be here or why
why you were ever here never comes to mind if you insist to everyone i wasted your time believe me darling, i wish i could say that you wasted mine.
i still keep my curtains open but i should know better by now.
they say the eyes are the windows to the soul and yours told a story of beauty, and pain. and i could look into them for hours and never get tired of those same old stories. but now, darling, i can't keep my windows open because i always look for you when i know you wont be back and that's the pain i don't ever want to see
when we first hung out, we sat on your roof and listened to The 1975 now, i'm on my roof alone wishing those sweet sounds i once heard was your voice telling me to stay
your eyes are as chaotic and beautiful as oceans crashing on the shores, and darling, i'm caught up in your tide. and even though i never asked for this, it's all i ever wanted.