I like my body when it's with you. You make me feel perfectly imperfect. You're my greatest cheerleader and my worst critic. You know me better than anyone else. You've seen me at my worst, and somehow still want to stick around to see me at my best. You hold the roadmap to my body, knowing every curve, taking some at 110 miles per hour. You know my boundaries and you push my limits. I feel on top of the world when I'm with you. There are days where I'm starved for your touch, the same one that makes me feel loved. You took the quiet girl and made her scream. "Scream for daddy." I've told you once, and I'll say it again. You've got me ******. I've tried. I can't kiss anyone else without thinking of you. You're my best friend, and I wouldn't trade you for the world. But you've got me ******. You make me want to scream in frustration, in excitement, in moans of pleasure, in gasps of pain. Your hands feel like lightning and they're just as powerful with each strike. You take my breath away in a heartbeat. Each shake of my leg is beg for your touch. Is that what I have to do? Beg? Please daddy, harder. You make me want you in every way.

To my sobriety:
I am afraid.
But I am brave.
I hate you.
But I will not misbehave.
I am broken.
I am determined.
I am tempted.
But I maintain my distance from bourbon.
For once my mind is clear.
But there’s a new kind of turmoil in my head.
I’m afraid of the fire.
But I have made my bed.

I don't know how to express to you in a non-toxic way that you make me want to **** myself. And I know that isn't your responsibility to carry, but I swore there was some part of you that cared about me.

You are not physically sick.
--- Its anxiety making you sick.
You are not lazy, you are not pathetic.
--- Its depression whispering in your ear.
Everyone does not hate you.
--- You are just insecure and fear abandonment.

Reasons to stay alive:
1. It would hurt those close to me.
2. No more adventures.
3. I would miss graduating from college.
4. I would miss out on my future family.
5. Because I promised.

You can't just lock people out of your life every time something goes wrong. Instead, set your boundaries and discuss them with the people in your life. You can't get mad at people for crossing boundaries they didn't know where there to begin with.

Change does not come from a place of comfort.

You won't be sad for the rest of your life. Yes, there will be sad days, but there will also be happy ones. Live for the memories you have yet to make.

I asked you what you were doing
Because I wanted to **** myself
And I was looking for something
Anything
For a reason not to do it
I’m looking for a sign
But I can’t see through my own smoke
There’s blood on the floor
There’s bruises around my neck
Maybe those are the signs meant for me.

My heart aches for you, and she’s out there broken into dust, floating among the stars. If you ever go out looking, she’s sitting just above the tree line on the horizon of the place where I fell in love with you. I hope you find your heart, I hope you find your peace, I hope you find the one that you kiss like you care, even if that ones not me.

I’m sick. I’m tired of breathing. It feels heavy and thick and I’m so tired of fighting. I’m exhausted. I don’t give in because complacency is easier than action. They say to take action and make your own destiny when it comes to your mental health. If I take action that means I’ll be dead. So for now I sit and wait for the storm to pass. But I keep crying and those tears are the rain. My screams are the thunder. These bruises are the craters on the mountain side made from the electrical power of the neurological lightening. I’m just tired. I miss my sunshine. I’m fried and I’m burnt. I’m so scared of dying but I think I’m more scared of trying to fight this and losing myself.