Im not worth the pain I put people through.  
Its like my subconscious thinks its some sick joke.

I lay awake at night
thank god for my life
and the stars for their light
I look to the morning star and pray
God give me strength to put down this knife
protect my girl, keep her safe and okay
this girl is my sin
One day to be my wife
the girl who I pray will let me in
so dear god, dear stars and the moon
protect my girl, let her get through this strife
keep her safe and okay so that I may see her soon.

The year began with another funeral.
**** and ASL. That was it. That was the future.
By now, extremely adept at finding excitement even through second hand experience
I didn't want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
Once my father made a decision,  there was no stopping him.
I swept back one side of my hair with a comb and pinned the white flower over my right ear.
I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares.
Life is bracing with all its peaks and valleys.
there just isn't a whole lot you can say while waiting to get mugged, so I kept my mouth shut.

Cant you see
After all this time
That its you I've been in love with...
Always.