winding roads and
grassy slopes
a safe refuge
to calm the soul
frostbite skin
from a misty breeze
cover the cracks
of shattered veneer
as earthen soil greets
the foggy skies
fragments of hope
meet the eye
scent of petrichor
fills the mountain high
self-love is
my battle cry.

Meeting you was like the calm
before a storm.
Warm, moist air
surrounded my atmosphere
and from that moment thereon,
I had anticipated the arrival
of a raging cyclone -
a whirlwind of breathtaking events
flashed before my eyes
in fast forward.

Knowing you was like the day
slowly fading into dusk.
I have woven myself
both in the soft beaming
light of your soul
and the abyss of your darkness
where I saw the parts you’ve hidden
even from yourself.

Loving you was like the sun
going through a nuclear fusion.
It required the release
of massive amounts of energy
to withstand the rapid surge
of emotions I felt,
but at the same time,
the warmth it produced
has kept me safe and at peace,
until I’ve learned
to embrace life itself.

Losing you was like the eruption
of an underwater volcano.
It was quiet, yet chaotic
and occurred in a depth
isolated from the rest of the world.
But how stunning it is
that after the smoke [pain]
had cleared [gone]
and the magma [wounds]
had cooled [healed],
I witnessed the birth
of a new island [beginning].
And suddenly,
an epiphany occurred to me -

I had become the result of a beautiful disaster.

You came in big waves,
but I do not know how to surf.

you’ve built a home
in the arteries of my heart
and i was reckless
to believe you’ll
stay

i’ve grown weary
of laundry baskets
with blood-stained kisses
and a carcass of my worth

on the table i serve
the champagne of my innocence
and you clinked your goblet
with mine
cheers to your simmering
thirst for my listless soul

i fall into a heavy slumber
and woke up to a phantasm
of hypnotic skies
a trance, longing for your
tight, suffocating embrace

the bathroom floor
caught a glimpse
of a toxic touch,
lacerate deep
into my bones
bleed out the pain
of throbbing despair

as you exit through the gate
i was gasping for air
what i thought was a home
actually was -

a slaughter house.

What happened to the dream
of living in peace -
The brutality of man,
the wars that never cease?

In the midst of the fighting,
I, too, am struggling.
There’s a war inside of me,
It’s difficult to break free.

There’s an enemy within,
that gashes through my soul.
It crawls to my heart,
Digging a deep hole.

The monsters in my mind,
they drag me down.
They cloud up my thoughts,
In an ocean of insecurities, I drown.

When demons are at work,
They devour me alive.
I’ve started to doubt myself,
Now I can hardly survive.

Human as we are,
We commit mistakes.
And I’ve fallen into a dungeon -
A trap seemingly impossible to escape.

Because I am afraid,
I chose to enslave my being.
Because I am weak,
I chose to surrender without thinking.

I can’t help myself; it haunts me,
It consumes me, my sanity - I’m stale.
It laughs at my scars, my endless suffering.
My weakness has become its holy grail.

Now I’m screaming to be saved
My inner self cries, I’ve been locked in a cage
One by one, it murders my dreams,
Takes on my body, tears me at my seams.

I’ve slowly succumbed to fear
With failure after failure,
I ask myself: is there a way out?
Is there a cure?

Truth is, I can’t outgrow my demons,
I can only learn to live with them.
If I give it the power over me,
I will reside under its realm.

And until the day I decide to tame them,
Until the day I rise above my demons,
It will continue to hold me captive.
It will continue to reign and summon.

Until the day I conquer them,
Until the day I fight my adversaries,
I can never escape the shackles of fear and doubt,
I can never live in peace