My subconscious mind is a dark place... but at the same time beautiful like a cotton field Happy. Most of my subconscious is full of my past and addictions. It tells me what to do and i do them. I don't have a choice but to obey My subconscious mind is a very ****** up version of me
I used to love food waiting for meals and snacks as if it were the most amazing thing in the world. Now i see food as poison in a sense It isn't safe Isn't worth my time anymore Where all my time is spent Trying to avoid food or eat everything i can get my hands on Only to throw it away In my friend My "secret keeper" The toilet The big round bowl Where my secret lies While i flush my sins away
Stolen away by clouds of self-destruction Lost in a world Where food is poison and bones are angels and goddesses Lost in a world where all i have Is self destruction
Lost in a vicious cycle Never leaves my mind, wanting to be alone. So i can be alone, with my addiction. Eat, eat, and eat Puke in the bathroom Bits of fingernails stuck in your throat Smell of bile, so unsanitary So repulsive but a much needed Necessity
Anorexia, all consuming, so fearful So scared. A little girl afraid of the world A little girl afraid of gaining weight The fear in my eyes When i step on the scale Scared of the basics of life. Stuck in a deep, dark hole and i don't think I'll ever get out.
Scars, my demons and emotions in a pool of blood on my wrist. So comforting, so soothing i don't know how to explain it Nothing matters except physical pain that's why easier to deal with than emotional pain Lost in the comfort of blood and burning cuts. It's never enough, never enough.
Lost in my thoughts oh, very destructive thoughts All consuming all destructive they never leave I don't think i want them too They are my invisible saviors, my little secret Where no one else can take them away Broken and scarred lost in my deep and dark thoughts