Feeling lonely, feeling blue
Unsure why I'm missing you.
I say hello, I whisper 'Hey'
Not a word, you won't even say
What I've done or what I've said
Why I'm banished from your head.
I feel confused, a tad alone
Unsure why and far from home.

This is me we're talking about, me of all people.
Who am I to think, to fantasise, to dream, to hope?
It just doesn't make any sense. It just won't be.
I cut myself off from anyone I can before it happens.
I just want to be free, to be oblivious again to the point
That it stops hurting me. I just want to get out of it.
I don't want to hold a candle for you or for anyone.
This is why I lied to myself, lied to anyone who listened
Because I knew what happens to those who give in.
I gave in four years ago and I thought that was good.
I thought giving in would heal me but it made matters
Worse. It unravelled all these yearnings and wants.
Please just take me back to the young girl I was.
The adamant young girl who never spoke of love
Or desire, or a future. I haven't long left, or so I hoped.
I used to hope that I wouldn't live long to save myself.
I didn't want to admit I don't like it here, I didn't want
To admit to those that matter that I was a liar.
Sometimes, these days, I just don't want to be awake.
I want to close my eyes and escape to the deepest realm
Where reality doesn't get a look in, where my hopes die.
If being a liar is what it takes for me to become cold again,
So be it. Let me lie, let me hurt myself and keep my distance.

The thought of simple things with you is enough to drive me crazy.
It's a kind of crazy that I crave, even though I know it's likely wrong for me.
I know that I'm a dreamer, and this is all a silly girls silly dream
But I know I'm not the only one, and thus far no harm has come.

The thought of the first meeting, of how it could all go.
The mere thought of that glance, of that first sign, that first spark.
I know all too well that I am far from perfect and I am far from desirable
But I know I'm not the only one, and I know that could change.

The thought of the first invite over, if there would ever be such a thing.
I have closed my eyes and imagined, and thought, and gone through the script.
Of course I know life is not a play, not a movie, not a television series
But I know I'm not the only one, and I can accept what may not be.

The thought of the first... if I dare say it, kiss, if that would ever arise
My heart smiles and gets carried away with the mere thought.
I would give anything for these silly little dreams to become my reality
But I know I'm not the only one who has a say in any of this.

Not that I've calculated, but we are approximately
3447 miles apart from each other, give or take. Okay,
I calculated it a little. Just a little bit. Okay, maybe a lot.
I wanted, and in a way needed, to know how far you are
From my physical presence, or rather how far I am from yours.
As the Plain White T's once sang we have trains and planes and
Cars, but as much as I wish I could I can't walk to you.
I sure could try but 3447 miles  is pretty far and
While we have trains and planes and cars,
The ocean is a pretty unforgiving place for a walk.
So as much as I wish I could I can't walk to you tonight.
Or tomorrow, or next week for that matter, which makes me sad.
I think it's worth noting, though, that given my plans
I will be with you one day I am hopeful of it, in less than 90 days.

Talking of days, it has been a glorious 173 days since we "met".
I say  "met" because we knew of each other before then but
My fear of approaching others held me back far longer than it should've.
No matter, we know each other now and I must say I like you.
If you're less in to days then what about 5 months and 20 days?
That makes it seem like we've known each other less longer
Even though it's the same **** time-frame as 173 days.
Specifically, give or take the minutes and the seconds since I calculated
Or the minutes and the seconds and the hours yet to exist,
We have known each other for 14,947,200 seconds
Or 249,120 minutes
Or 4152 hours
Or 24 weeks rounded down.
At which point did any of that seem incredibly creepy?

It's five days since we last spoke
You promised me, you'd let me go.
I was kept from seeing you
Yet you saw me, your word untrue.

I saw you there each day, I sigh
My word I could not keep as I
Clicked through, again, and then
I saw your mind, your thoughts again.

My heart beat a little less
As I saw you declare - I digress
Even the thought I cannot write
It hurts to feel, to think, to type.

He's waiting for an answer,
He's waiting for that word.
He's willing to give anything
Not for me, for her.

He's willing to move province,
He's willing to leave town.
He's waiting to give everything
Not for me, for her.

He's waiting for that response,
He's waiting for his life.
He's willing to give anything
Not for me, for her.