cms - Hello Poetry

cms Dec 2020

you

you ruined his name
with the venom you spit
take five minutes
to remember all of it

write down the words
you said to them
as it hit midnight
in dm after dm

it's what the documents
say about you
that rings the biggest thing
that's actually true

i don't know why
anyone ever trusted you
you're useless
and that's the truth

you painted every picture
with blood and guts and glory
claimed everything was fake
and told them all a story

they didn't ask about your wife
they couldn't give a ****
yet somehow it kept coming up
please ******* take a hint

if there was a line to cross
and a boundary to be set
you would've failed every single one
without a bit of regret

but see the funny story is
there was a boundary
and if i remember rightly
it has history

it's not an easy thing to forget
have people act like sheep
its called "don't sleep with your fans
you absolute ******* creep"

cms Oct 2020

coming out

i don't where this is going
i don't know how to begin writing
what words i should say
i've spent all night deciding

there's not a way to say it
not one you'll understand
i've thought over and over again
and i don't yet have a plan

i guess i'm coming out
that's what we all call it
when you admit who you love
and then you're all sorted

i should sit here fine
but i am very afraid
of the reaction i'll get
be patient in my aid

i'm into men because
they make me feel nice
and i'm into women
cause they make me feel that twice

i'm more into women
than i am anyone else
it's weird to openly admit that
to someone but myself

i guess you could say i'm gay
but i prefer just bi
there's no easy way to say it
and you'll wonder the reason why

why it took so long to say
why i'm only coming out today
the truth is i am nervous
of what you'll all say

you'll laugh and joke and make fun
but i know who i am
you can joke all you want
you're not changing that plan

the plan that i have written down
of who and what i am
because it's been years of wondering
and finally i am glad

glad to be so honest
and open with you all today
i'm very ******* stupid
and quite ******* gay

cms Sep 2020

mark

it's a pretty fitting name
one that hits the spot
it fills me up
and it won't stop

makes me feel like
you've left a mark on me
and every other person
in my whole family

in my head, it's false
but you're here too
i'm sitting on the floor
right next to you

i can't explain how i feel
or how emotional i get
but what i know is i miss you
and we haven't ever met

cms May 2020

stuff

i have stuff to do each day
but i often sit here and wonder
what happens when i run out of things
and then becomes the thunder

my life flashes over me
it's dark and stormy too
no weather that i can control
and one including you

i'll sit by myself day in day out
in isolation in a dark room
as i sit and sit and wonder and wonder
how long until my flower blooms

how long until this is all over
and i can go back to normal
as my life was just getting better
and now it's just awful

cms Apr 2020

today

the streets filled with people
traffic crowding my view
who knew we'd miss that
who knew it'd be so soon

as soon as we all left
town on that day
we said goodbye to normality
and paved the way

for masks and gel
and all of the kind
i haven't left my house in 40 days
i yell up to the sky

for this is not a normal life
not for someone like you
normal, healthy, perfect
your life isn't this *******

someone like me understands it
i was getting into a routine
four months since i attempted harming myself
four months of being clean

but now i sit in silence
the streets a silent steeple
there are many things i wish
and that is to see other people

but unless i see them on a screen
i cannot do that
i hate myself and i hate this
but that is a fact

today is the start of a new week
i say as i put on clothes
for the first time four days
not too sure why i chose

chose to wear these clothes
i don't have a video call
they say it'll make me feel better
i don't feel better at all

i continue down this path
day in and day out
weekends turn into weeks
someone end this drought

cms Apr 2020

home

home

it's something i've often spent time wondering. laid awake at night, staring at my clock and questioning as the time hits 4.30 am once more.

i don't know where my home is.

is it where i put all of my things? is it where i am happy? is it where i am sad?

as i lie there at night i often wonder if my bedroom is my home.

a home is something that should make you happy. should make you feel wanted, needed. should make you feel like you belong.

that's why to me i have no home.

i have spent copious amounts of time within my home recently due to the outside world. but not once have i ever truly felt at home.

i hope to feel this one day.

for just once, i want to feel at home in my own home. a feeling friends feel familiarly and regularly.

yet it is a feeling I have yet to experience

cms Feb 2020

irony

you ever heard of irony
cause i sure have
it's the reason why i'm here
and boy am i glad

i'll be smiling with my
friends just right
while you'll be pacing
around the room all night

the ironic thing is
that this wasn't planned
not then, not tomorrow,
i'll certainly not stand

with you by your side
all through it all
you broke that promise
when you punched my wall

cause i open my eyes
and see a beautiful day
unlike the misery
i listened to you say

go here, go there,
go everywhere but your house
now i don't listen,
planting fire and just douse

douse it with all
the mistakes you made
and all the ones
i made and laid

as you sacrifice me
and i sacrifice you
isn't that in a relationship
what you're meant to do?