no
how can you leave now
after swaying my heart
eroding my doubts
and filling those holes
with seeds of dreams
for our future

it hurts

no grand act of betrayal
but the magnitude of minor slices to my heart
found in the lacking of affection

claims of love
feel unbelievable
when overshadowed by actions of doubt

i fear to let go
but fall into the pit of comparison

the past has its claws deeply implanted
into my flesh
not deep enough to bring my end
but only enough to regularly deface my heart

torn
tattered

i forget what i want
but crave that which is lost

rational thoughts plagues my mind
how i attempt to dismiss it
when overwhelming me with the reminder
that the sacred times will never return

unforgiving silence
flesh on vacant sheets

the usual shadow prison
creeps closer
grips tighter
than ever before

relentless
the fingers of uncertainty
restrict thought

this hold it has
won't be leaving
for many moons

as clocks turn
these violent spectres
become increasingly aggressive

until the hollow shell
has become swallowed
by the darkness feared
that under the affectionate guise
was let in

missed calls
texts left on read

why?

how did we get here?

we went from
obnoxious surpluses of excitement
to crushing quantities of hesitation
and restraint

eyes clouded
as check-marks
turn to green
and active status fades out

unable to move
staring motionlessly at
texts, as unwanted as myself
trapped by a prison of thoughts
gazing through tearful vision

beating
yet broken
can't find my voice

numbness leaks
from her lacking presence
filling me, eroding my core
overflowing with inaction

unable to breath
drowning in teardrops
and buried in mountains of memories