My hearts beating,
With each pulse I feel a strengthening,
Then a weakness.
I’m on the stage,
ready to give way to the words waiting to flow from my mouth.
My breath is stuck.
My eyes are watering as the light hits my face.
Why when every voice was screaming for me, I pushed them aside?
The waking becomes cold when ones alone.
What happened to the flame that made me worthy?
The seductive breathe of my mistakes took its toll.
“Take a look.” I sputter
I will soak in all the spent emotion.
Take it back from those who never knew me.
I will tear away all the strings I left behind.
I can reach,
Rip apart all those knots I never meant to tie.
“Take the words,
Take the thoughts,
Take the life from me.” I can feel the after taste of the words now spoken.
The free flowing anger,
Coursing through a body,
To small to hold it.
These short breathes won’t save me.
So why do they come when I’m afraid?
“stare at the person,
Who hide the truth.” I say with fear plainly written on my face.
Each syllable is a breath.
I can’t stop now.
“hundreds of people walk past,
Each one more oblivious then the last.” One tear slides down the contours of my cheek as I look out at the people watching me.
Not one has known.
Yet me?
I have always noticed.
“Don’t utter a word.
I’ve been listening for too long.” my voice cracks.
The faces are spinning..
“see me.
Feel me.
Be me, for a while.”
The lights are dimming.
I can’t see the faces anymore.
“Maybe then your judgments will end.”
And when everything goes dark,
I’ll still be here.
Lying on a stage,
I was never meant to be on.

If I wish on a star

Will my dream come true?

Will it end all my fantasies

And my dreams of you?

I hate that I love you

Your smile, your touch

I hate that I love you

When you hurt me so much

Without a care in the world

I used to trust and believe

And without a care in the world

You savagely made my heart bleed

He was my Zestful Zookeeper

And I was his Lovely Ladybug

We had a 'once in a lifetime'

We were undeniably in love

We shared the same spot

In our cozy bed at night

I slept right on top of him

I love how he'd hold me so tight

It was the lyrics to a song

That won me his heart

It was his innocence and humor

From him you couldn't tare me apart

Yes we had problems

Like all relationships do

But I swore I'd never see the day

When ours came so quickly unglued

We had a studio downtown

It was our sweet home together

It was also where I found him

With that girl, his secret lover!

I tried so hard to be strong

I tried to hold it together

But he maliciously murdered my soul

I see it in my mind just play over and over!

Now I'm scared to fall asleep

It's only of him that I dream

Maybe it's God's way of reminding me

Nothing is ever what it seems

.......So time has passed

And I tried to move on

Now it is him that is tortured

So he keeps singin his song

With lyrics of regret

He sings of sorrow and mourn

He left me heartless and cold

He left himself alone and self-scorned

So I look into the night's sky

And what do I see...

A beautiful falling star

I hope was meant for just me

If I wish on this star,

Will my dream come true

That I'll never dream again

And I'll stop loving you?

When this feeling comes
I start shaking
And wrist starts aching
I don't know
What to do.
He says if that blade
Meets my skin
He'll leave me again.
But he doesn't understand
I need to feel
The pain
I need to feel that blade
Deep in my wrist
I know I'm insane.
But I can't fight the feeling
I can't not want to
Cut
And watch the blood
Drip down my arm
And hit the floor.
At this point someone will
Normally open my door
And ill smile
With tears of regret.
Regret not for the cut
Or the blood
But for the hurt I have to you.
I do this to harm myself
And yet other hurt to.