I'm tired, of this.
No one understands it.
The pain that I feel,
they think it doesnt affect me,
because I'm young. 
They don't realise how wrong they are.
They have pushed me, shoved me around
Made me not want to be myself anymore.
Because,
I'm done.
Trying.
Fighting.
Being the better person because why do I have to be so good if everyone around is talking s...
Why do I have to be the one to keep living if all they are doing is telling me why it's not worth it.
How better it will be if we just cease to exist.

flashes of eyelashes, flickered back and forth
glinting of teeth, dancing pearls in a red lipped sea.
rivers and canyons of golden, flocks of hummingbirds, flapping a wind chime.
dancing trees, and tips of thumbs, outlines of dimples, roads to nowhere.
blue chipped light bulbs, freckled with white snow drops

if there is a higher being made of love,
why am I constantly in pain,
why do the people around me suffer in decay,
why does the world experience such devastation,
if there's a bigger picture.
why do I cry at night, alone and in need,
if all I need is love and to be loved,
why am I so alone.
why do I have to suffer underneath
the destroyed love of others.
why is love so painful.

The pit

It’s overwhelming, the depth of it all,
The length you fall, before you hit the bottom
The deep, the mess
The engulfing darkness
the smell of cold wet rocks
And dead grass
The shrilling silence that deafens
the echo of the wind as you fall
the air that fills your lungs almost seems fresh
before you take your last breath.

I know, when you think I don't,
I know how you really feel,
the words you speak when my back is turned,
the hurt you spew and the love you give when we face.
how can you be so ignorant of the fact
that I know you hate me, don't pretend anymore.
there's no point, because I know, I know its you.

yellow bird, hello, tell me of the sun times,
when gold touched the horizon and it shimmered,
waved at the blinding sun,
yellow bird how high can you fly? without the wind
breaking your cry/why are you so shy to tell me your
secret oh yellow bird, tell me the stories of when you
would dive from the sky, a yellow beam of light,
tell the world beneath of your might.

'he's up late, endless conversations,
telling of past stories, opening up the
void, he's a perfect explanation for
nights with no sleep, his smile is vast,
over exaggerated eyes and an ocean of
hair, voice of the stars, his tears are golden,
he's dancing in the rain of sorrow, talking
about a better tomorrow, he sees the light
 in the corners of the world, swimming through
reefs of colours and thoughts, he tells the story,
making endless silences, he's gone to early'
-m

i want to scream.
I want to run away.
i WANT to tell everyone that i can't handle it anymore.
i want to tell people TO leave me alone.
i want to DIE.
i have nothing.
all i have is pain and hatred and unhappiness.
everyone else's lives are so perfect.
why was mine chosen to be broken.

Am I wrong to hate those who protest to be depressed and want to **** themselves when they have everything I wish I had?
When they say they hate their lives but there family is still together and money is never a problem.
It is wrong that I hate them for not being happy with what they have? When I'm forced to smile and carry on when it feels like I might just snap and break at any second.

what should one say,
when they think about the end -
twice a day,

should I say
I'm okay?
or should I say nothing.

Her lips and her eyes, they tell such lies
Oh how you only saw the beautiful disguise
She's had on since those times
She hiding herself from what's behind
Left in the past to rot and dies
Her old self is no longer with us
But her eyes and her lips they play **** tricks
So beautiful and amazing they say
Oh how they only see what she pretends to be
-moyees

I'm trapped, trapped by every breath I take, every blink my eyes take. I am stuck. Stuck in by those who conform to the demons in their minds, I am a slave to the thoughts, thoughts so ambitious that they cannot be contained in the concious but rather un. I am afloat, a dream, a lost. In a never ending strain of my voice, speaking in tongues, crying. Pleading to them.
Leave me alone.

just when it all seems good, the dust stirs and the choked blackness prevails and I suffocate in the midst of all these problems and the more people's feet step in the more the dust flies, I can't stop the cries, this everlasting circumference of circumstances. my heart it vents to die, oh why, do I believe the goodness will ever stay.
-

she needs to let go, but these splinters keep finding their way under her nails and she can't dig them out without hurting

they say its not real,
the pain in my head,
they say the pills won't work,
but it's all I have to comfort me.

I'm just tired
Why does nobody see that.

you're in a dark place, in an onyx ocean you float aimless amongst the rest, your arms and legs weightlessly heavy. you toss and turn like an unkept duvet cover, a wrinkled description of the sad lines on your tired face. you barely break the surface of the turbulent waves, crashing and uncrashing. you wish you could just let go and sink like a rock, but you float. like a piece of plastic strewn away after its usefulness. the current carries you, and you let it. push you further and further away from a shoreline. you are stranding yourself so much that no one can even get to you to rescue you.
(self-stranded)
-m

can't stop the thoughts,
the flow like endless streaming light,
theses ideas and false memories,
I want to wake up,
wake up from this pointless dream,
I don't want to keep seeing your face,
but it's still there,
everytime I close my eyes,
where ever my eyes wonders,
you are, 
they don't ever stop, I wish they would,
but they won't, 
because I will see you again 
-moyees

Restless I rock, back and
forth, back and
forth,
squeezing my knees, shutting my eyes,
so the tears don't fall, I'm breathing hard,
Huh-Ha-Huh-Ha-Huh-Ha-
my heart is beating in my head,
Fingernails digging into my leg.
I'm shaking,
I'm waiting,
for that sound. A door, being slammed.
A voice, being raised.
A glass, being broken.
Back and forth,
back and forth
back and -

fine me, where the silence is,
no one talks here, because the
voice that says I'm here, speaks
less than the body who sits next
to you in the silence.

Numb. Is all I feel. hands, feet and heart.
all numb. broken and shredded like a dead crushed leaf. I lie against the cold concrete floor.
knocking my knuckles against the brick wall. The skin turning red like the red I see all day long. The crying has stopped long ago, as all the tears have been used and wasted. I think of my future that has already been broken.

Grudge holders are like antique collectors
the longer they hold on to something
the more dust it collects
and when its picked up again
the situation becomes unbreathable.

only ignorant fools fall under the pressure of their friends boots and find themselves  customised to the ways of ill minded and stupid, yet only they know the workings and non workings of their mind to change these ways into better ones than they have been pushed into
/ ignorance /
-m