Breathing in and breathing out
a long exhausting battle
of burning lungs and swollen mind
all so much to ask all too much to think
I push my body weight off the banks of the ice cold river
that my soul had become to awaken in the sunlight
reborn

Count back from 10
Calm your mind
Calm your heart
How can I ?
I let you in
I think it's enough to let you see
That I'm hurting
Turning
Burning
Yearning
My words ring so empty to you
So you play with words so beautifully
And sometimes not at all
I'm growing in distance
Your growing so distant
I'm wondering when my head will give up
Holding my heart for you
Consciously I love you
Consciously I'm trying
I know the universe understands
My emptyness
My lonelyness
But do you?

Yes yes and more yes please
The only answer that should exsist
Not for me
I like no
No is it's own motivation
Movtivation for activation
Earning your way in this tiresome world
I like no.
It doesn't stunt your growth
Indeed the opposite

The nova sparkles and nostalgia takes hold
i never forgot just kept my mind tame of the ideas that revolved around you.
step inside and to my surprise i see the depths of space staring back at me and
gravity feels long gone whyve you come back why here and now am i ready to
command an army of emotions to bet on a bid that has years erased from it.
i can taste the empty kisses and late night despair as my mind wanders there
back to the place that you slipped away leaving me to fill my days with unjest worthy
proclamations of a life without you.
you were simply a dream. lucid at best.

Give you miles of rope
Hang us from gallows
Flute stuck in our throats


I wonder why you chose to let us
Struggle and choke.

There are cityscapes tucked into the crook of your neck

And my lips have been lost for as long as I can remember.

You told me that underneath the steel work

There are catacombs of all the people that have ever tried to love you,

But darling I am not afraid of death.

I heard a story once that the grim reaper

Was just a man who could not die

So to cope,

He shed his skin

And his flesh,

Began taking the souls of everybody else.

I found that I’m the same way;

A man who cannot be loved

So I’ve become toxic in the arms of others.

According to the mathematics

Two negatives together should bring a positive outcome,

But according to science

We can never atomically touch.

According to faith

I am still a believer.

According to my heart

It’s such a shame because

I never wanted to be a traveler

It's curse in your blood
It's a shake in your step
But I can't stress enough
It's the rush in your head
The rush you leave in my head
Cause I love each flaw
Like the creases in your hands
And the bow in your back.

i still can't talk about it
you're the stars and the moon
and every galaxy in between this life and the next
but i need you to leave me alone right now. <3

Scatter pieces of me through the universe

its been a year in this golden hearse

No victories just a curse of pain to bleed.

and now your here staining me

youve shown me so much in this year of change

and youll never feel strange to me

your the heaven i thought id never see

and i can understand your lack of belie

The past few days have been hell

shuffling through the file cabinet of my memories

just to find you haunt my dreams

ghastly faint noises of laughter make me nauseous

As we fall into the canal

water so cold i could have been frostbitten from head to toe

Oh how i panicked and told you i couldn't swim

shoes sinking with the weight of water and muscles stiff with ice

as we get out the sun and the warmth of your smile warm me

We walk back to your house full of ourselves carrying our clothes in the golden haze of fall

as we get back inside you grab me a towel and we spend the night watching cheesy movies and napping

It always feels real always and my heart sinks a little when i wake up and it was just a dream of all the ways we used to be.

Ive moved on but for some tormenting reason or another my mind likes to taunt itself.

part of me wishes that of all the things ive forgotten over the years this could be one of them

I spent summer trying to sweat you out
and winter numb as hell,
goodbye maybe be hard but its all i got right now.
I cant hold of to these broken dreams of you
and i cant pretend im not drowning just to get breathes of you,
but i need to move forward even if forgetting you is something ill never do.

I can see the silhouette of

Your shoulder blade stained against the back of your shirt.

And the way to

Your house is still

Muscle memory even though its been a year.

When I hugged you hello

My body didn’t want to ever let go

And just like old times

Your hairs clung to my clothes from the static between us.

You could be the skin on my bones

But still not be as close as

I want you.

Without conscious thought or deliberation

Our fingers worked their way around each other,

The red string coiling around our wrists and settling in the ridges of our palms.

Except this time, I did not feel the hurt that I used to

When our hands brushed.

This time there was no gnaw because our lips won’t touch.

This time I was happy that

I could love you,

I could love you without hurting myself.

And though i have love for you i can have love again and you can too.