The past few days have been hell

shuffling through the file cabinet of my memories

just to find you haunt my dreams

ghastly faint noises of laughter make me nauseous

As we fall into the canal

water so cold i could have been frostbitten from head to toe

Oh how i panicked and told you i couldn't swim

shoes sinking with the weight of water and muscles stiff with ice

as we get out the sun and the warmth of your smile warm me

We walk back to your house full of ourselves carrying our clothes in the golden haze of fall

as we get back inside you grab me a towel and we spend the night watching cheesy movies and napping

It always feels real always and my heart sinks a little when i wake up and it was just a dream of all the ways we used to be.

Ive moved on but for some tormenting reason or another my mind likes to taunt itself.

part of me wishes that of all the things ive forgotten over the years this could be one of them

I spent summer trying to sweat you out
and winter numb as hell,
goodbye maybe be hard but its all i got right now.
I cant hold of to these broken dreams of you
and i cant pretend im not drowning just to get breathes of you,
but i need to move forward even if forgetting you is something ill never do.

i still can't talk about it
you're the stars and the moon
and every galaxy in between this life and the next
but i need you to leave me alone right now. <3

The nova sparkles and nostalgia takes hold
i never forgot just kept my mind tame of the ideas that revolved around you.
step inside and to my surprise i see the depths of space staring back at me and
gravity feels long gone whyve you come back why here and now am i ready to
command an army of emotions to bet on a bid that has years erased from it.
i can taste the empty kisses and late night despair as my mind wanders there
back to the place that you slipped away leaving me to fill my days with unjest worthy
proclamations of a life without you.
you were simply a dream. lucid at best.

Breathing in and breathing out
a long exhausting battle
of burning lungs and swollen mind
all so much to ask all too much to think
I push my body weight off the banks of the ice cold river
that my soul had become to awaken in the sunlight
reborn