i lost you
and
i
found
my
voice.

elementary,
middle,
high,
college.

trade
one
master
for
the
next.

if I had thought about organic chemistry
as much as I thought about kissing you,
I might have had
an A.

they didn't tell you
you would still feel empty
with a crown on your head

you remind
me of a wound.
the first days it hurts like hell
sore to every touch and bruised.
weeks pass.
you stick around.
reminding me.
I can't slip out of my skin to get away.
you don't move from your usual spot.

but one day I look back and I don't notice the cut.
it looks like the rest of me,
melted back into my skin.
I can't remember why it hurt so much
or how long it took to heal
but I'm better now.

"listen.
so I have heard that you're dating someone
and I'm not trying to cause trouble
or anything
but I miss having you
in my life
and I hate only talking to you
every once a semester.
I just wanted to say that
even though I couldn't seem
to bring myself to say that yesterday.
I know you're probably
way over me by now,
and I wouldn't blame you
for not wanting to have anything
to do with me.
I
just
miss
you."

it would be easier
to dump the contents of a bottle of bleach in my brain
than to forget you.
both would cleanse me enough to get some sleep.
and both would hurt.