Moriah Jean

Moriah Jean Sep 2010

Good break-up movie: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Bad break-up movie: Garden State
I cried for a good hour after
And
You would never know it now
But I don't cry

I thought I was broken before
When I didn't cry, beacuse I didn't feel
When I bounced back
I moved on
Like nothing of consequence ever happened at all

But then you fixed me
Just to destroy me
You set my heart to beating
Just so I would feel it when you ripped it out
You restored my breath
Just to leave me gasping
You brought me to life
Just to make my life unbearable when you left

I was better off without you
And sometimes I catch myself wishing I'd never met you at all

"I have felt so ******* numb to everything I've experienced in my life... what I want, more than anything in the world, is for it to be okay with you for me to feel something again, even if it's pain." - Garden State
I used to think he was dead on.

Title credit goes to the song "Down" by Blink 182.
For my muse.

© Sept. 28th, 2010 Moriah Jean

Moriah Jean Sep 2010

The Pros and Cons of Your Sudden Departure

Pros:                                              Cons:
- I quit caffiene                              - I feel exhausted
- I stopped over eating               - I hardly eat
- I sleep better                                - I stay up all night and sleep all
                                                                 day
- I dream again                               - They're nightmares
- I'm healthier                                 - Almost all I "eat" are those
                                                                health smoothies I get at work
- I'm more social                            - I'll talk to anyone if it will
                                                                  keep me from thinking about
                                                                  you
- I'm no longer numb                   - I feel so much pain I'm getting
                                                                  panic attacks again
- I no longer stress over              - I don't care about school at all
   school work
- I'm writing again                          - I only write about you

How do you think I'm doing?

© September 14th, 2010 Moriah Jean
For my muse - I'm getting closer to hating you. You know, that kind of hatred that really closely resembles love..
=/

Moriah Jean Sep 2010

You Should Know

You should know, everyday it's harder to breathe
And I'd give up forever to see your face
Because somewhere I came to the conclusion
Without you it's not worth being awake
Maybe I'm still too young to understand it
Or maybe I just need to have a bit more faith
But if you and I are so **** perfect together
Then ask your God why He's taking you away
I know, it's wrong for me to act like you're not hurting
I guess it just feels as though I've been betrayed
Because to me, genuine love is worth fighting for
But you seem so willing to just throw it all away
So this must be the part where I grow bitter
In all fairness you did ask from me hate
But you should know, that's not what keeps me up at night
I can't sleep because you're so far away
And did I mention when I said "I need you"
I meant it with my heart and mind and strength
And when I said that I would always love you
I meant no matter what might come our way
So you should know, although we're not together
There is no life without you in my day
California may get you for some time
But tell that God of yours that I can wait

(c) September 10th, 2010 Moriah Jean

This is not to be confused, it's not that his God is not my God as well, it's just that we are not exactly on speaking terms right now.

For my muse, who inspires me more now than ever.

Moriah Jean Sep 2010

I Wish You Needed Me Like I Need You

Oh, I wont pretend to know what you're thinking
Maybe you're drowning in the same waters as me
But I hate that I can't feel you thrashing there
At least before we were floating on the same sea

And yes, I knew our days may have been numbered
But zealous hearts tend to ignore logical thought
So I fell for you harder than the Trojans fell for that horse
And you sliped past my walls before I even fought

Now my heart is hiding behind a brand new set of bricks
But I left a key in a place that only you would know
And I hope that I'm the first place you'll come knocking
If you should ever grow tired of going it alone

Moriah Jean Sep 2010

Ignorance Is Bliss

Most importantly, I knew better
I knew better than to let him take me
This lesson broke me long ago
Years of being tied in a knot and numb
He woke me up
And when my heart started beating like a real girls
When color returned to my face
When the rain made me smile
When I suddenly knew what I was missing all along
I let him take me
And I told myself this time, it was right
He was what I was always missing
And he was exactly what I never knew I needed

Most importantly, I knew better
I knew better than to let myself fall in love
This lesson built me a wall long ago
Years of being detached and apathetic
He shook me up
And when my reflection started to resemble me again
When my eyes began to shine
When he always made me smile
When he took down that wall brick by solid brick like he just couldn't get enough
I let myself fall
And I told myself this time, it was different
He was what I never wanted to keep out
And he was exactly what I never knew I needed

Most importantly, I knew better
I knew better than to let him get so close
This lesson drove me mad long ago
Years of holding everyone out at arms length
He held me close
And when I finally relaxed into his strong embrace
When I felt his fingers brush my face
When I let his lips make the whole world fall away
When he took me over and he shook me up and he rearagned everything I knew about myself
His arms became home
And I told myself this time, this was it
He was what my life was always missing
And he was exactly what I never knew I needed

Ignorance is bliss compared to *this.

— The End —