i told myself to use the word 'lovely'
                                   more often.
maybe if i spoke of beauty enough, i would become it.

i decided to smoke cigarettes.
convinced that maybe my lips
                     would draw you in faster
                                 than they drew in smoke

i stopped eating meat for two months straight.
                                    tofu is bland and  
                        left us with a shaky aftertaste.

the last time we spoke you'd forgotten my faux loveliness
                           without a trace, you exhaled my breath amongst your skin
                                                   you cooked me steak for dinner.

I don't like ponds
I can't stand the distrust in koi,
Or the bitter mess of plants on the surface-
Sometimes leaves sink past its edge into the faded water.
Their resemblance of shakily build reasons
For people pursuing careers they don't like
laps like waves with every change in environment.

All the same

I don't like people.
I can never shake your sadness
and the delicate mess of hair daintily reaching past your shoulders - a fallen-apart fishtail braid.
why did you become a bus-driver when the world is full of waves
and every change in environment comes a new person entirely.