if only you could understand,
how my pulse
my sky
operates when how broken I am
to look at the sun
and see the memories,
the laughs we shared,
the blushes
sugar rushes
tiny release of the darker side
comes undone.
you look at me, can't grasp your attention
misunderstood your intentions
felt like we were flawed creations
of different inventions.
I showed you my care,
falling further in
scared to get lost in my own
reflection.

If things were different,
my heart would say
how much you make me feel
this way.
you make me smile and blush
we wouldn't have to rush
things would last a while.
an eternal spin
in the galaxy
you and me
but my heart breaks
to feel the sun's warmth
in a shadow's place.

my circadian rhythm
like clockwork
beating for you
too good to be true
I guess
I couldn't impress
just a little moon
in way over her head.

things are different
cannot lie
nothing to confess
no one more to impress
the moon thrives in darkness

trapped,
snapped
can't seem to fathom
the idea of going back
to you right now.
your words, once bright
filled my heart
my rhythm with delight
now so cold
I curl up til
the rhythm picks up
with a smile on my face.

it's crazy how night and day
so opposite and different
can't happen without the other,
it's my content to say
how you and I couldn't be more in
this way.

my sun, how you shine
with your smile and joy
to think many moons ago
to me you were just a boy.

now look where we are,
look how far,
we've come under the sleepy moon
and energetic sun
every moment bundles of everlasting fun

sugar rushes, hyper as hell
tiny crushes I could tell
from the start not much was gonna tear
us apart.
you told me your truth I told you mine
sun, moon, stars, forever intertwined.

and then one day,
the clouds start to form,
something happens,
something breaks off the
typical norm.
my sun, you don't glow as bright,
you fear for your life,
things don't go well and nothing seems right
up all night, restless
can't sleep with the excess
of black magic.

give me your hand,
a gentle kiss on the cheek,
think nothing of it,
I care for you and you for me
like the hive for its honeybee.
I give the tides to make you feel better
you sacrifice the most to change my weather.
and i'd do anything to take the life you've been given
the bedridden,
unforgiving,
and turn it into something worth living.

there once was a light,
so innocent so bright
that swirled around my midnight sky
like fireflies
his shine, it was something I couldn't explain
can't complain
I fell in love
further than my heart could contain
but I loved it.
And I love you,
skin so fair
like caramel butterscotch
it was on that day
one summer's afternoon
May 24th, you knew
I had to come forth with that confession
I wanted you to belong to me and I to you.

three years pass,
my heart be racing
chasing to get to you my star,
and yet I see you broken,
so far apart.
In those pretty brown eyes,
you can't disguise
the way you shining in my sky
isn't the same.

the earth beneath
slowly dies
covered in hatred, anger
murderous intent
it draws you closer like
the spider web.

I worry for my star
to be where you are,
to hold you and say
not to think that way
to put a smile on your face
run my hands down places
that leave you crazy for me.

one day we gonna escape,
moon, stars, sun on eclipse
give em the slip
those that hate us
just will have to miss the trip.
drop your weapons, don't draw your knives
suppress your anger longer my love, for our lives
have barely begun.
someday,
one day
we'll be able to have a little fun.
so wherever you are,
make me one promise:
always be my shining star.

you are my sun as I am the moon
dancing around this starry night
the laughs we share,
awkward stares
smiling so hard more than we can bear
nothing but delight I feel in my
midnight heart.
in any clouds, in any weather
I'd give the tides to make you feel better
it is my love and care that I share to you
beneath this shining moon
and I know your secret
even when you keep it
I know it's there.
I see the way you look at me
I know the way you feel,
and I get it,
I've had that stare
that burst of something real
something that was once never there.
you are the sun
I am the moon.
We're great together,
this is no disguise
but I cannot help
the other I seek
and the shining stars I see
in his eyes.
Hear me out,
my sun, my light
for I have a confession
a secret to be kept
of the highest suppression.
the twinkling star
he has my heart
key and lock
down to the rock
hard ground.
Spin me round
pick me up
never, my sun, will I give you up
just know that there's no disguise
the true Edward
to my Bella,
Cinderella, Disney
melts when he kiss me,
is that shining star in the sky
the ones in you shine bright
try as they might
they shine just a bit different
in his eyes.

this room, this space
still searching for the light
your room left empty without an embrace
or even a chance to fight

little boy white,
knees curled up so tight
secluded in the confinements of the floor
grasping, begging, wishing
for something more.

the floorboards crack the space fades
you sink into the ground
extend your arms cling on to what's to be desired
and shout from the inner plane

held by only strings, slowly cut piece by piece
as the demons inside slowly accept your defeat
but you won't let them you see because standing there
at the tightest strings
the broken doll pulls you in
from loneliness from feeling caved in
and holds your very essence like
fireflies and innocence.

softly I sleep
mentally insane
criminally inhumane, yet all at peace
all at once
this moonlit dance
comes to a slowing still.

the koi fish swirls round the painted moon
as I find myself trapped in a trance
a puppet's synchronous dance
where dreams come alive
and just for once everything seems alright
like things haven't gone to ****
and I feel stuck in the mattress of my bed.

soft, this pillow brushes my skin
red velvet hair tousled against the sheets
it's as though I am sinking into a space between
bed and floor
earth and mind
leaving all things behind and for an instant
just a simple moment of weakness,
I want to stay.

the room grows cold
I fight for warmth
but I take it's embrace
like a child's hand to walk across
the streets of where I once was
years before things changed.
It's unforgiving and yet
and yet I like it that way.

I like the otherworldly experience
the delusion, the single moment where
I slip
it's the moment where my mind and body are at peace
at temporary release
from the poison inside I feel I constantly
defeat.

sweet girl, little b*
pick your poison, **** the switch,
a little recklessness can be fun.
it starts out slow
sweet, you know?
cute little smiles,
giggles and sugar
rushes
rosy blushes
8th-grade crushes.
underneath the crystal moon
after a day of fawns and swoons
she slips into a crippling slumber.
cuddles tight,
blankets, teddies, adorable sight,
unaware of what's to come.

just then, the blight
of frightful disease
one that brings all
to her knees
the little b we
feared awakens with ease.
her eyes glow bright
with lust and delight,
ready to wreak havoc
her heart grows blacker
than midnight's hour
grabbing her knives to soon
devour
the ones she once felt were her attacker.

poor little b
mind surely flipped the switch
she wants to **** over everything
and simply ditch
the voices of reason
they're all sounding
like treason
rather be flirting and sexting than just teasing.
she's ready for action
law of attraction
the power of the stare
and what lies
downstairs.
power to start wars
end a revolution
with the right perfume
a taste to consume
it's the perfect execution.

nightfall breaks
the sun also rises
no Hemingway **** though, I'm not gonna take
another man's enterprises.
the light tickles her face,
warmth
loving embrace
sweet little girl regains her strength
you see it on her face.
knee-high socks tiptoe
to the washroom
brush with grace.
her day goes on as she slides down the steps
while the little b* lies caged
swinging from strings
secretly kept.

Blood in my veins
Driving me insane
With the **** that you say
About how I'm to behave.
Good daughter you'll be
Never be free,
Peace? Tranquility?
Say goodbye to all that
It's not a necessity.
I start to see how that girl
In that wallpaper
So yellow so confining
Ground breaking
Earth shaking
Name defining
Died clinically inhumane.
I want to tear away
At the minty green
Of these walls that kept me from him
Each day
Escape to the land of dreams
A secret mental hideaway.
The ocean breeze
mellow trees
Hypnotic winds comforting me.
Until then the ropes they bind
Tighter and tighter
Until they find
Me
Lost in my mental confinement.

you say i'm in your best collection,
say, I'm your biggest investment
yet why do I feel like your greatest resentment?
the words I feel, the daggers you speak
crawl in my brain,
they crumble
they creep
deeper into my psyche
til I can hardly breathe.
like the plastic doll
in a box tighter than it seems.
can't fit your approval
won't quite fit into your scheme
because my love for love just reigns supreme.
the company I keep must fit
must be picturesque
or else you turn them against me
pit my heart at war
turn love and blood into a contest.
guess I'm just your little trouble maker,
plan breaker
and for the time being...
a little faker.

In the town where I was born,
lived a man surrounded by
sea.
This wondrous swirl of
reds painted along his face.

Of all the rooms in a vast
hallway of strange young
boys and girls,
he stood
alone.

A man in multi-colored plaid,
who brought wonder to my eyes
and a universe of words
arranged into something
simply
Beautiful.

Days,
weeks,
months have
passed and never did
my fascination waver.
I felt that for once,
for just a moment,
I belonged.

Open up my mind,
reveal the window
of my inner thoughts.
Like the orchid in early spring
I have bloomed.
The petals of my life
spill on to the pages of my work
until my writings are done.
When the day is done,
and the sun has fallen
into the horizon,
I await for the moment
to present something to be
proud of
to that same man in
multi-colored
plaid.

Swallow that sweet liquor and lose yourself as the parties commence

Pick your poison. Throw it back and close your eyes.

In the moment, can’t we just live under the influence?


Raves become spirit proprietors--the taste both hypnotic and immense

It doesn’t cost that much to gain access to a drunken paradise--

Take a shot then: swallow that sweet liquor and lose yourself as the parties commence.


Sapphire seduction: its titillating flavor represents--

Cajolery between men and women: their decisions mischievous and unwise.

Occupy an empty room and intertwine, for can’t we just live under the influence?


Never will the very concept of drinking alcohol make sense

Soft or hard liquors called spirits but demons in disguise


Utterly entranced by that sweet liquor we swallow when parties commence



Morning break is near, closing the last glass of champagne effervescence


Everyone returns home, kissing the sweetness of sin goodbye

Using that alluring taste, we regrettably ask, “Can’t we just live under the influence?”


So the irresponsible gather at the local bars again, abolishing all common sense

Aroused and intoxicated by the chance to escape our meaningless lives:

Liquor… that sweet liquor we swallow when parties first commenced

Let your troubles go for just a moment: live under the influence.

Bite me,
Pull away at my skin
Push me out
Let me in.
Break my bones
Bit
by
Bit.
Go to great lengths to strip me of my
Identity.
You are sadly mistaken if you’ll find the
forbidden fruit.

Tease me.
Please me.
Turn me around
Pull back the covers
towards my spine.
Watch the sin, the pleasure
turn disease into benign.
Let me let you choose good.

Don’t you want a taste,
a lick of my sweet valentine
Or should I dig my claws into
your mind yet another night.

Let the poison slip through your veins
Drive you insane,
like the monsters of the night
Weakened by vervain
Let me take you into despair and delight.

Come along this path of misfortune
It’s easier to find
the internal clock ticking
louder
faster
stronger in my mind.
Look around you, stop time.
Ignore the world and be only mine.

tell me,
what is it about the
unknown that leaves
my mind unsatisfied?

If the camellia
only blooms in the
bitter frost,

why must others wilt?
when the rain lands on
the little girl’s raincoat,
why does it form droplets?

when she sits in class,
alabaster skin with the face
of a doll
why
can I not
read
her?

Softly she speaks
with confidence
and poise.
her words trap me
in a prism:
a confined cage
of intoxication
and mysticism

She’s stuck
in the modern times
trapped in the 60s.

Help me,
all I ask
is to seek answers
about the ambiguity
of her
as she extends far beyond the field
of vision,
to no longer remain
a mystery.