smoking becomes a habit
drinking becomes a routine
painting becomes a thing
photography becomes a job

and everything else becomes nothing.

everything is now starting to becoming a habit.
going to bed late
smoking more
eating less
drinking more
thinking more
feeling less

painting and drawing more

its made me more crazy

its starting to make me a different person than who i used to be

you say you want help but you dont
you never answer.
you never respond.
you left me hanging all along.

you said you'd be there
you said you'd always love me no matter what

but thats a **** lie
you never will help me
you never will be here
and you never will love me.

you'll be loving the girl who ****** you over
and i still dont see you loving us both.

im getting to the point where i cant feel anything
i cant feel when the cool breeze goes by
i cant feel when someone touches my shoulder to get my attention
i cant feel my face
or  my body
i cant feel my heart
or any ***** in my body

i cant feel anything anymore

I feel everything
from the bath water being to cold,
to the pain in that old man's eyes as he walked through the streets and wonders
how he came to be so alone
i think about such small and intricate thought.
untouched blades,dangerously sharp.
these thoughts cut the deepest and yet a part of me craves to swim in a river of red
i want to watch myself bleed in the comfort of knowing im not alone
nor are the hidden droplets of life that no one else has the thought to look for.
That's why shallow people are often beautifully pristine.
they are thinkers of common thoughts.
blunt knives that cut no deeper into their smooth skin than the hands
that caress their bodies.
Lonely are the sufferers.

i really wish i could tell you i never loved you but i do
i cant help but stare at you when your not looking
i cant help but have dreams about you

it ***** having dreams about you because they feel real
but in reality , i know its not.

i wish you didnt move on so quickly
and i wish you'd realize how hurt i feel

i wish you understood my consequences to this.
you dont get it.

i wish i could feel your fingers locked with mine
and your breathing on my neck

i wish i could feel you
and me.