there will be nights
where i’ll stumble home, drunk,
in a dress clinging to me like a second skin.
with heels in my hand
getting down on my knees in front of the toilet
wrapping my arms around its porcelain neck
greating it like a friend or a past lover.
whispering apologies after vomiting my sorrows
down its throat.

There will be a time when i won’t remember
the faces i drove home with late at night.
or the ones i loved so dearly
and spent many sleepless nights
sobbing miserably over.

there will be boys i will ache for.
boys my mother warned me about
and my father keeps a knife in the drawer for.
boys whose names taste of smoke and regret.
who will leave in the morning
and i’ll never hear from again.

there will be times where i’ll lose myself
during the darkest hours of the night
and only you
will bring me back to reality.
and if you find me in that state
just hold me whilst i weep.

you caused me the greatest pain i have ever known by leaving.
yet the thought of you returning to me is more beautiful than any dream i can imagine.
my heart aches and breaks for you.
but i think i’ll miss you forever
like the sun misses the stars in the morning skies.
sometimes we meet somebody who’s iridescent
and nobody else can compare.
i guess i accepted what i though i deserved.
it’s like i’m drowning, but i can see everybody else breathing.
this summer is just a blur of all the perfect nights we spent together.
now from friends to lovers to absolutely nothing,
but complete strangers who were once very much in love with one another.
and i think about the last time i saw you. all the time.
yes, i’m drunk. but you’re beautiful.
and tomorrow morning i’ll be sober,
but you’ll still be beautiful.

oh how it rained and rained
and there you were still inside my brain.
a headache that wouldn’t go
along with the constant aches and pains of your remaining essence stored away.
i went outside on the roof. i saw the moon and thought of you.
summer is over and so are we.
the birds move on but i cannot.
flowers dying all around me
remind us the earth misses the laughter too.
you keep appearing in my sleep
stitching up the seams on every broken promise you couldn’t keep.
the rain begins to penetrate my skin
and thunder shook my feet.
i remembered the shape of your tongue.
the feel of your hand on my bare back.
every single one of your scars.
so now, i’m just cradling broken feelings.
but there’s so much beauty in a storm.

deleted

I’m sorry. For all that was left unsaid.
For all the mistakes that were made.
The beauty of what we had is fading.
I remember our summer beneath the trees.
Things may change, but our time never will.
We may grow up and move on,
But our summer never will, because we were young.
Our memories will never leave me.
I wish you’d stop
And maybe you’d remember
The time of our lives.
Then maybe you’d believe me when I say, I’m sorry.