DO YOU GET IT???
I fall hard
and I fell for you
so for the next whoever-knows-how-long
I will be wishing to be a plant on your windowsill
or your favorite pillow
or the mug you drink out of every morning.
I wish I was the hat on your head
or your bass guitar
(I want you to pluck me, strum me, touch me)
I want to be your computer chair
maybe the pencil you use to take tests with.

I will wish I was something you'd keep around
something simple you don't think too much about
something you know you've got and you know you want
I will be wishing

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND IN LOVE:

-love is good and kind and permanent. love is your mother clothes-lining you when she hits the brakes too hard, it is your dog greeting you at the door when you come home
-in love is temporary and powerful and like ******* lightning. in love is a teenage boy with blue eyes that life will force you away from, but **** his bed sure was comfy, and so were his arms and his words.

people **** and die over both

i've written some great things
about feelings i don't remember
and people i no longer talk to or think about
and i am afraid
one day
all i'll have of you
are the poems i wrote
(but don't remember writing)

i just don't feel at home at my house-
i'm sorry mom, it's not your fault-
I just don't think I'm the type who feels like i fit
outside of the people i've been surrounding myself with
my friends are a family, too, you know?
and that's where i feel like
it feels like home

please don't look at me (look at me more)
I will never believe you when you say I am your favorite
(I know too well the cruelty of this world
because I have been that cruel)
I have built my happiness into yours
I've put my smile in the palm of your hand and I'll let you punch walls
with my lips still inside your clenched fist
and none of it is preventable or your fault.
People are made to break things,
and I'm pretty sure you are in my life
to be the first one to break my heart.

So please do it,
break my heart,
but leave it shattered
the way a vase shatters when a girl throws it against a wall
the way you sometimes shatter our silence with sweet words
like "you're so beautiful"

i think i am afraid of missing someone forever.
i seem to think that once i say goodbye, even on good terms,
i will never see any of them again
and that terrifies me
because i don't want to make new friends
if that means i have to lose my old ones.
(i'm afraid to say goodbye to you, ever
because i am ******* terrified i'll always miss you)

i guess it feels like i'm staring at a blank wall
and someone with a lab coat and clipboard is standing behind me,
saying, "you have to cover it completely"
and i just sit on the floor and look at it,
my hands empty
my thoughts racing
"cover it with what?" I ask
"I have nothing.
I have no materials to use"
But she just shrugs and writes something down
and I start to sweat and panic
because what is she writing
and what am i supposed to do
How can I cover a ******* blank wall
when my HANDS ARE ******* EMPTY?